Hello Peggs,
I'd like to join
Butterflygirl in welcoming you to the Parent's Board. I'm sorry that your d19 is engaging in self harm, these kinds of things really are difficult for us parents to cope with. We have tried their entire lives to protect them from harm and when they harm themselves intentionally it leaves us feeling much despair.
Having an adult be dependent upon us is taxing and tiring, can you and your daughter have a sit down and discuss the things you are willing to do? Setting limits and boundaries can go a long way towards her independence and you taking back your personal power. Being in control of your own life is highly important.
Here is some info to get you started understanding the whats and hows of
Communicating Boundaries and Limits.
The self harm issue serves purposes (hard to believe right?) for our kids. One of the interim skills taught in DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) is to replace injury with another act... .holding an ice cube or popping a rubber band on the wrist instead of cutting or punching oneself. Might your daughter be open to attending therapy once more... .?
lbj