BPDw had back-to-back affairs, then immediately wanted a baby and new house?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Thank you all for this site-- reading about the similarly dramatic circumstances of other members has helped me to feel less alone in my journey to hell and back. I'd like to finally share my story and ask about something that has been haunting me. I've read a lot of literature on BPD, but in those books I haven't found much on the issue in the subject line: wildly inappropriate post-recycling demands.

My wife of ten years very likely suffers from BPD. As is common, she was (mis?)diagnosed bipolar so that our health insurance would cover the treatment. Three years ago her behavior was so hurtful that, despite that she has improved tremendously since then, I still don't trust her enough to move us into a nicer house or to give our S7 the little sibling that he (and she) constantly hopes for. Strangely, my wife started demanding these two things just days after recycling me following a crazy-making splitting episode that lasted several months.

It started when she landed her first "career" job, which was stressful and required commuting, travel, and social drinking with coworkers. At home, she soon returned to an earlier pattern of pill-and-alcohol-fueled rages, but now with greater impunity - right in front of our son, and screaming how she hates us both (he was four at the time). Next came back-to-back affairs; the first was predictably with a coworker and resulted in an unwanted pregnancy (aborted, yet she blamed it on me). We tried marriage counseling, but blame-shifting prevailed.

The second affair started as an impulsive night-out drinking with a guy friend of mine when I took our son to visit his cousins, to escape her raging. But when I found out about her new fling within a few days, she did a surprise divorce filing with an added restraining order, and severely slandered me to this now-former friend while trading sex for his support (which included benzos and alcohol). It finally wrapped up after she moved into a nice apartment at my expense, only to move back home just weeks later and drop the divorce action. It was at this time, just days after her being with my former friend, that she implored me to get her pregnant and buy us an expensive house in an up-scale town closer to her job.

Three years on, I continue to have serious doubts about our future even though her abusiveness is now solely directed inward (pills and four drinks a night, significantly down from before). This probably owes to her doing DBT after psych hospitalization in 2013 for her latest suicide attempt, after which she also found a job close to home.

It would be great to hear from other members who have experienced such outsized and ironic demands for commitment at the outset of a recycling stage. Is this a common thing? After a prior break-up and recycle she demanded a new car, but I didn't think much of it because we did need to replace her aging vehicle around that time.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

[bwv]

Thank you all for this site-- reading about the similarly dramatic circumstances of other members has helped me to feel less alone in my journey to hell and back. I'd like to finally share my story and ask about something that has been haunting me. I've read a lot of literature on BPD, but in those books I haven't found much on the issue in the subject line: wildly inappropriate post-recycling demands.

My wife of ten years very likely suffers from BPD. As is common, she was (mis?)diagnosed bipolar so that our health insurance would cover the treatment. Three years ago her behavior was so hurtful that, despite that she has improved tremendously since then, I still don't trust her enough to move us into a nicer house or to give our S7 the little sibling that he (and she) constantly hopes for. Strangely, my wife started demanding these two things just days after recycling me following a crazy-making splitting episode that lasted several months.

It started when she landed her first "career" job, which was stressful and required commuting, travel, and social drinking with coworkers. At home, she soon returned to an earlier pattern of pill-and-alcohol-fueled rages, but now with greater impunity - right in front of our son, and screaming how she hates us both (he was four at the time). Next came back-to-back affairs; the first was predictably with a coworker and resulted in an unwanted pregnancy (aborted, yet she blamed it on me). We tried marriage counseling, but blame-shifting prevailed.

The second affair started as an impulsive night-out drinking with a guy friend of mine when I took our son to visit his cousins, to escape her raging. But when I found out about her new fling within a few days, she did a surprise divorce filing with an added restraining order, and severely slandered me to this now-former friend while trading sex for his support (which included benzos and alcohol). It finally wrapped up after she moved into a nice apartment at my expense, only to move back home just weeks later and drop the divorce action. It was at this time, just days after her being with my former friend, that she implored me to get her pregnant and buy us an expensive house in an up-scale town closer to her job.

Three years on, I continue to have serious doubts about our future even though her abusiveness is now solely directed inward (pills and four drinks a night, significantly down from before). This probably owes to her doing DBT after psych hospitalization in 2013 for her latest suicide attempt, after which she also found a job close to home.

It would be great to hear from other members who have experienced such outsized and ironic demands for commitment at the outset of a recycling stage. Is this a common thing? After a prior break-up and recycle she demanded a new car, but I didn't think much of it because we did need to replace her aging vehicle around that time.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

Welcome to the forums!

I don't have any words of wisdom to offer you at the moment. I saw that nobody had responded and wanted to say hi and welcome you. Also, I wanted to point you in the direction of the Lessons. They are immensely helpful. It is a lot to take in and try to make sense out of because there is so much to try to unravel.

Are you wanting to try to find a way to stay with her and figure out how to deal with your doubts?

My husband and I haven't done a lot of recycling. There are lots and lots of recycling stories all over the Leaving forum and Undecided forum too. These relationships have lots of ups and downs and lots of confusion.