Accusations

[Ysabel]

It has occurred to me that I can not possibly be responsible for all of the "malicious" acts that I am accused of on a regular basis! I am beginning (baby steps) to recognize when my BPDh is projecting his distorted thoughts,and thus his anger and rage, onto me in such a way that causes me to feel like crap about myself and my miserable failure as his wife! It is fairly impossible to reason with him that I am not the cause of his rage, his distorted thoughts about me are what engender such explosive emotions. Sigh... .On the upside, it is really a growing experience to be faced with the choice, every day (hour) to take the bait and personalize his accusations, or to ignor them, creatively disengaging, and choose to love and be happy. Although, today was a bad day and I didn't do any of those positive things! Oh well, guaranteed I'll have another chance tomorrow!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[maxsterling]

I know the feeling.  Here is what I am facing:

Facts:

- I have been with my wife for 2.5 years.  Of that 2.5 years, she held 3 jobs job for a combined 4 months, quit another job after a day, and was hired for two more that she quit before starting.

- I had about $1000 in credit card debt when we met; now I have $15k.  In 2.5 years, I feel like I have spent almost nothing on myself.

And today, she wants me to hand her all my credit cards so that I don't spend any more.  Other times, she claims I am too "cheap".  She says she refuses to accept blame for any of this.  I admit I made poor choices, but those poor choices were under a false trust of mine that she would be earning money.  I'm not wanting her to accept blame, but I do wish she would own her half of it. 

I feel like this is Opposite Day.  Seriously.  She doesn't work, I cover all the household bills plus some of hers, rarely buy something just for myself, and she says my reckless spending is preventing her from getting what she wants in life. 

Sorry to get off topic.  I'm just hoping to show you that this isn't you.  This is BPD. 

[an0ught]

It has occurred to me that I can not possibly be responsible for all of the "malicious" acts that I am accused of on a regular basis! I am beginning (baby steps) to recognize when my BPDh is projecting his distorted thoughts,and thus his anger and rage, onto me in such a way that causes me to feel like crap about myself and my miserable failure as his wife! It is fairly impossible to reason with him that I am not the cause of his rage, his distorted thoughts about me are what engender such explosive emotions. Sigh... .On the upside, it is really a growing experience to be faced with the choice, every day (hour) to take the bait and personalize his accusations, or to ignor them, creatively disengaging, and choose to love and be happy. Although, today was a bad day and I didn't do any of those positive things! Oh well, guaranteed I'll have another chance tomorrow!

Spot on. It will take time for him to unlearn baiting but if you are consistent and avoid falling for escalation extinction bust baiting you have a good chance of making a small but important and lasting change.

[waverider]

It has occurred to me that I can not possibly be responsible for all of the "malicious" acts that I am accused of on a regular basis! I am beginning (baby steps) to recognize when my BPDh is projecting his distorted thoughts,and thus his anger and rage, onto me in such a way that causes me to feel like crap about myself and my miserable failure as his wife! It is fairly impossible to reason with him that I am not the cause of his rage, his distorted thoughts about me are what engender such explosive emotions. Sigh... .On the upside, it is really a growing experience to be faced with the choice, every day (hour) to take the bait and personalize his accusations, or to ignor them, creatively disengaging, and choose to love and be happy. Although, today was a bad day and I didn't do any of those positive things! Oh well, guaranteed I'll have another chance tomorrow!

All you need to do is to consolidate in this so that it becomes subconcious and you wont even realize you are doing it... It is also good to realize that you wont always get it right, but there's always a next time

[hurtingbad]

Ysabel,

Unfortunately, I was logged out while posting so my words were not saved.  Without typing it all over again, I just wanted to let you know that while I was reading your post I was wondering if you were a fly on the wall at my house.   I am accused of those things on a regular basis as well.  This week has been pretty bad... .starting last Tuesday with a pause over the weekend... .starting again Sunday evening.  New things Sunday, but last Tuesday was brought into it.  It's continued thru last night, but hopefully tonight will be better... .fingers crossed!  I have found thru my recent reading on this site that this is something I will have to continue to deal with (but with new-found skills) or leave... .which I cannot and do not wish to do right now for several reasons. Hopefully we'll all find something here that will help us!