A year since b/u and about 4 months NC

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

It's been a while since I've posted here. The B/u is coming up on a year this month along with the 2 year anniversary of when we met. I'm really struggling to keep all of the emotional progress I've made intact and not contact her or be triggered by all of the things that are so closely associated with her. She's moving to another country and appears totally fine without me, according to friends. Which I'm happy about, really I am. Her being gone gives me a new lease on life to be happy.

But for some reason as I close in on the one year anniversary of our meeting and B/u I'm plagued by vivid dreams of her coming back to me, or reliving old happy memories of those days. I'm suffering from intense panic when I wake from them along with long bouts of derealization and flashbacks where I forget where I am and what has happened. Why am I struggling so much right now, after a full year and so much progress having been made in my recovery? I'm in a very happy long term relationship with a new woman, in therapy, and practicing mindfulness daily. Why now? Why is she haunting me all over again like the B/u was yesterday?

[KrisK7]

It's been a while since I've posted here. The B/u is coming up on a year this month along with the 2 year anniversary of when we met. I'm really struggling to keep all of the emotional progress I've made intact and not contact her or be triggered by all of the things that are so closely associated with her. She's moving to another country and appears totally fine without me, according to friends. Which I'm happy about, really I am. Her being gone gives me a new lease on life to be happy.

But for some reason as I close in on the one year anniversary of our meeting and B/u I'm plagued by vivid dreams of her coming back to me, or reliving old happy memories of those days. I'm suffering from intense panic when I wake from them along with long bouts of derealization and flashbacks where I forget where I am and what has happened. Why am I struggling so much right now, after a full year and so much progress having been made in my recovery? I'm in a very happy long term relationship with a new woman, in therapy, and practicing mindfulness daily. Why now? Why is she haunting me all over again like the B/u was yesterday?

[once removed]

hey krisk7, welcome back!

im sorry youre feeling this way 

anniversaries can be a big trigger. all of what youre going through is a process, and though youve made a lot of progress, its understandable to me that not everything feels totally resolved, and an anniversary would trigger a lot of things. a year in that context is not that long, and what youre experiencing is fairly normal in that regard.

this, in a sense, is actually progress too. the therapy will really help work it out 

[UserName69]

Because there are still things which remind you of her, the first thing I did when I decided to move on is to get rid of everything that reminded me of her. It helps a lot, like you I have a new girlfriend and to be honest I don't miss anything at all. I have blocked her completely from my life and I'm ok with it.

I'm starting to forget all the memories I had about her, I have no idea what triggered this. You shouldn't spend too much time thinking about the anniversary you'll get hurt. Instead try to have fun, invest more time in your new rs, focus on your future and not the past.