No contact whatsoever. Why? What are they feeling?

[DyingLove]

I'm 3 months out of the RS with my exBPDgf of 4 years.  It's been silent. No texts. No calls. No emails. No nothing.  Why?  What is she feeling? Is it influence from her family and friends, or doesn't that matter?

Is the amount of grief that they suffer directly related to how long they remain silent? Is it inevitable that one day you WILL without a doubt get contact regarding your BU?  Any way to make sense of this?  It doesn't matter anymore, but it does otherwise I wouldn't be curious.

[rotiroti]

Well everyone's case is different. I've read stories of multiple recycles and I've heard stories from the other end as well. Zero recycle and vanishing for good. I've also ready of contact after months and even years.


Ultimately it's as you said, it doesn't matter anymore. Would contact change anything? I know it wouldn't be for me.

Reading other's posts it's evident that finding closure with a pwBPDex will likely be impossible. The only way looks to me (And anyone can correct me) is to find that closure and peace from within.

[JRT]

Its all about their emotions... .the sound of your voice, the sight of you, I have even read that there are some pwBPD that cannot handle seeing a photo or even their ex's name for fear of associated pain and emotion that they simply cannot deal with. That's what it is all about for them and they work very hard to suppress their pain and feelings to make it almost look like they never cared and were able to move on immediately. They do not; they are just experts at suppressing those emotions and making things look 'normal'

I have not hear a word from my ex in 9 months. I am 100% sure that she was deeply in love with me and we didn't have the type of acrimonious relationship that is all too common with BPD's. She moved out just 3 weeks after moving in while I was away for work... .I was notified by text and then blocked from contact. I circumvented the blocks and her reaction was of such incredible anger that one would have thought that that I physically abusive to her and was coming to kill her... .it was a real kick in the teeth by someone who I never even had an argument with.

As someone explained to me, the more profoundly that they loved you and were important to them, the more radical and extreme the cut off... .if that is any consolation. This disorder sucks.

[willemina]

  this disorder is horrible, I pray people suffering will be healed in Jesus Name, I pray for the BPD sufferer and those who love one of them like me

[fromheeltoheal]

You're more than curious Dying, you're ruminating and obsessing.  Totally normal, we all did it, all part of processing and detaching, and while you're doing it, start to consciously shift the focus from what she's feeling to what you're feeling, from her to you, and from the past to the future.  It takes what it takes, but once you develop a strong vision for your bright future, a future without her in it, you'll have something to aim for which will help.  Take care of you!  

[UserName69]

They do have feelings, they're all different. Me and my exBPD blocked eachother from FB and phonenumbers. Since then no contact, I don't care/love her anymore as I have a new gf the last thing I want is my exBPD to contact me.

They remain silent because they're looking for a new victim. Once she gets in trouble she'll contact you. Some pwBPD's contact their exes after months or years,  I just can't believe what they're thinking.

Mine kept contact with her ex when I was with her. When we had a fight once she sliced her wrists open and called him. She texted me this, I replied and kept my anwser short she called me one hour later crying and told me that she was sorry.

Mine ended everything but she still wanted to be a friend. I know this doesn't work because soon or late she wants me back again if her new lover walks out on her.

The best thing to do is to forget about them and move on. Soon or late you'll find an another person.

[lipstick]

I'm 3 months out of the RS with my exBPDgf of 4 years.  It's been silent. No texts. No calls. No emails. No nothing.  Why?  What is she feeling? Is it influence from her family and friends, or doesn't that matter?

Is the amount of grief that they suffer directly related to how long they remain silent? Is it inevitable that one day you WILL without a doubt get contact regarding your BU?  Any way to make sense of this?  It doesn't matter anymore, but it does otherwise I wouldn't be curious.

Hi DyingLove,

I can only tell you what I experienced. My BPDex moved out on me two days before my birthday. While I was at work. He had been fired from his job a week prior and did not tell me. Was getting up every day and pretending to go to work like normal. He ran back to his spouse and proceeded to give me the Silent Treatment from that point forward.

I got one response to my many, many messages. Asking me to lunch and saying that he "had a lot of explaining to do".  Said that he loved me. He never showed up for the lunch date and didn't bother to tell me he wasn't coming. That was in October of 2012. I called him in February of 2013 to settle a financial issue. He didn't know who I was - didnt recognize my name. Was cold and distant to me. When I asked him why he did what he did - i got a stammering response of "I - I - I - don't know. I guess i just couldn't keep everything going."  Oh, okay... .?  This was after he was supposed to get divorced (like I did), we were planning our marriage, and trying to conceive.

Two days after this conversation - I received a FB message from him telling me to basically f*ck off. Then in December he sent me a FB Friend Request. I didn't accept it and I was then blocked. Been blocked ever since. This past March - I discovered that he was watching my FB videos on a daily basis. This behavior went on for over three months. No contact from him - just watching the videos.  I got angry over the fact that he was spying on me while I remained blocked (like I was the bad guy!) and made my FB page completely private. He can't see anything now!

I think my ex remains silent for several reasons. First and foremost is shame over what he did. And then there is his family. He wants to seem "above board" (one of his fav phrases) to all of them. To keep up the appearance of devoted husband / father / son. He can't / won't risk bringing all of that down by reaching out to me. The life he has is "comfortable" to him. It's routine and mundane. The disorder is kept in check. There is no intimacy from his spouse and she has no expectations of him. And it's possible that the disorder is in remission. He seems very, very happy from his FB postings. Either way - he's not going to risk contacting me. Afraid of my reaction and afraid of being found out by his family. He may think about me from time to time. Possibly continue looking in via FB every now and then. But I doubt if I'll ever hear from him again. The risks (for him) are too high.

[DyingLove]

Wonderful answers and insight everyone.  Yes, I still ruminate, very much so.  I can feel the heeling though. Some stuff just takes longer to sweep out of our minds though.  For example, not to long ago, I was having trouble getting rid of her pictures from my computer.  I've got tons.  But today, I was tossing them left and right, AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, I was able to look at them without tearing up and/or crying. In fact I'm crying now saying what I did!  Almost like there is a hurt within me that surfaces from thinking that I am doing the disposing.  Like watching a sad movie where the man disposes his photos of his deceased wife (or something like that)  Thanks to everyone posting here.

[Suzn]

Almost like there is a hurt within me that surfaces from thinking that I am doing the disposing. 

Hard to let go? Hard to be the one in control?

When in your life have you felt this before?

[dobie]

In my exs case anger over the money she spent on our house  

She was still raging about money six months out

She is only thinking about herself as usual is the short answer I'm just a "horrible meanie" she had to suffer with for six years but now she is all grown up and living her life free of "evil dobie"  . of course any pain and suffering she is experiencing is due to others. she even had the cheek to blame me for being supportive in her getting a better job and doubling her salary and tried to lie that she was happy in her previous role. Which is bs I  consoled her every day when she was depressed or stressed because she got past up for so many promotions and helped her to get a job she was saying before the bu she loved .

Believe me dying as much as people want to believe they think of us its fleeting they only ever think about themselves .

Despite what lies they tell when they try and recycle .

[DyingLove]

Almost like there is a hurt within me that surfaces from thinking that I am doing the disposing. 

Hard to let go? Hard to be the one in control?

When in your life have you felt this before?

Suzn, I don't recall ever feeling like my description above. OR I've never "noticed it". I don't know of anything that lasted this long and as painful as it is.  The last thing to happen was the ex prior to my ex. We were together 17 years and when she did her thing, I was totally up in the air confused.  It was bad, but not like the exBPD.  I searched high and low to find out what I did wrong. Then I found out eventually I did nothing wrong. It was the ex that just wanted to run off with a guy nearly 30 years her senior. Unfortunately he died, about 3 years ago from throat cancer. Thats karma for ya.  But still Suzn, I haven't experienced the things I am prior to exBPDgf.

[LimboFL]

I fully concur with JRT's view on this. It doesn't soften the blow by any means. I posted something last night that was relevant to this subject matter. It's heart and soul crushing. These were people that we were deeply in love with. When a relationship comes to it's natural conclusion, while nevertheless painful, we can move on, but these separations are catastrophically abrupt and, despite all of the doubt, most often not what we want but are rather forced to deal with or act upon because of the abusive way we are treated. Unfair simply doesn't cut it.

Stay strong dyinglove, fortunately I gave up a month or so ago even trying to overthink it all. At some point, for our own well being we have to let go of trying to decipher the why's. The best we can do is collect little pieces of what we read on this site, the ones that make the most sense to us, given only we can truly know who are partners were and slowly build a small box of thoughts and ideas that we can open from time to time to soothe our souls. By this I don't mean cherry picking. We have to be completely honest with ourselves, when we are choosing the pieces that we use to build our box of thoughts. Like JRT, despite everything, I will go to my grave believing that my ex loved me sincerely and deeply, that abandonment fears drove her to do what she did mixed with a tinge of "the grass is greener". I have read enough stories here about non's who have either run into or heard through friends and family, the state that our ex's end up in, after long loving relationships. The short, far less involved relationships, are likely easier for our ex's to get over but I cannot believe this to be true if a couple were together for an extended period of time, were married or lived under the same roof.

You have to dig deep dyinglove and determine what "version" best suits your story line. From everything I have read of yours, you are a kind, giving, sweet and gentle man. And I haven't even met you. pwBPD aren't robots, they feel like we all do. You should believe that your ex loved you deeply and likely still does but, as JRT explained, she simply doesn't know what to do at this point. How to deal with the emotions she has for you or make sense of what you meant to her. Regardless, we all need to move forward and try to disallow these thoughts from taking over. Whenever thoughts creep into my head that invade about my ex, I curse her under my breath, remind myself "what is wrong with me, I should be happy that I no longer have to live with the daily anguish, the lies, everything" and then the thoughts go away. I used to laugh at the story of people standing in front of the mirror repeating words of encouragement "it's going to be a great day etc". But there is some truth to it. It doesn't need to be an outward conversation with yourself, it can be completely internal.

[Trog]

It is very strange isn't it. To have no contact with a person who apparently meant so much to them. They're very resilient, if you're painted black you're a useful subject on which to pin all their ills that allow them to go on perpetuating the belief that the problem isn't them. Their entire identity would crumble if they did not have a person to blame, literally blaming us is all that can save their fragile egos. No matter how unbelievable the fantasy they construct to keep the illusion alive.

It's a blessing in any case. You have the time and distance to get some self respect - these people have treated us like sh+t. Our over forgiving natures kept us there far too long and then keep us bound in pain when they leave. I read somewhere the other day a quote about 'would you invite your torturer or water boarder to your family bbq' - these are toxic toxic people. Long may they remain no contact. It's the first bloody favour they've ever done you!

[Mutt]

Wonderful answers and insight everyone.  Yes, I still ruminate, very much so.  I can feel the heeling though. Some stuff just takes longer to sweep out of our minds though.  For example, not to long ago, I was having trouble getting rid of her pictures from my computer.  I've got tons.  But today, I was tossing them left and right, AND EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, I was able to look at them without tearing up and/or crying. In fact I'm crying now saying what I did!  Almost like there is a hurt within me that surfaces from thinking that I am doing the disposing.  Like watching a sad movie where the man disposes his photos of his deceased wife (or something like that)  Thanks to everyone posting here.

Hey DyingLove,

I can understand feeling bad with getting rid of pictures and mementos. I think I purged the mementos in stages because I couldn't let go of everything all at once. These were memories and experiences, especially the early ones were hard to let go. This was history you had with someone and although there was bad behavior, she meant something right?

Is that were the hurt is coming from? Purging those moments from your sight and life and starting to come to the realization that it's really over? Your disposing that dream and starting to let go?

[hurting300]

Guys I can't speak for every BPD/npd. But they are never happy. Ever. They are sad with guilt and shame... .They know deep down they are no good. And it eats at them. Yes they tried to love us. But... .The illness took over. It always does.

[going places]

I'm 3 months out of the RS with my exBPDgf of 4 years.  It's been silent. No texts. No calls. No emails. No nothing.  Why?  What is she feeling? Is it influence from her family and friends, or doesn't that matter?

I am divorced 1 year now, after 25 years of marriage.

No texts, no calls, nothing. Unless it has to do with division of property.

Why?

Because he dispises me. No, for real.

OR

He realized, I was right, and he was wrong, and he'd rather spend eternity in hell than to say "I'm sorry, I was wrong".

But I think it's because he dispises me.

What is he feeling? Honestly, I don't know. I don't even know if he has the ability to 'feel' anything except for self gratification.

His family hates me; always has. Not sure why? I rolled out the red carpet for them. Let them 'use' me till I could take no more. It's a long screwed up story, but suffice it to say, his mother, brother SIL do not care if I live or die.

Is the amount of grief that they suffer directly related to how long they remain silent?

He feels no grief.

No regret, no remorse.

And that is no lie, nor exaggeration.

He is NPD / ASPD... .to the max.

He will do everything in his power to ignore me. Little does he know, I don't care; And to prove how little I care, I am moving from IN to FLA in a month. :-)

Is it inevitable that one day you WILL without a doubt get contact regarding your BU?  Any way to make sense of this?  It doesn't matter anymore, but it does otherwise I wouldn't be curious.

No, he will never contact me again, and if he did, I promise it will never be about the divorce.

Yes, he is so messed up, a Transformer has more heart and soul than my ex.

If I never see or speak to him again in my life, I'd be ok with that.

What he did to me, and our family, our children; and what he continues to do today, and the level of stupidity he will CONTINUE to bring into their lives, is inexcusable.

There is a reason why I was saddled w/ him for 25 years, and my eyes were not opened sooner.

I don't know that reason, but I do know this:

Life ahead of me is like a blank canvas, and the pallet in my hand has amazing beautiful colors on it.

It's my brush, my canvas, and my pallet... .and beautiful things are about to happen.

Life behind me? Looked like the painting "The Scream" minus the bright colors.

Use all browns, blacks, greys, and blood reds... .

Thank you very much, I will take whats in my hand now, not The Scream!

[DyingLove]

I am totally shocked and amazed. I thought I've seen other posts that I've made get lots of attention and hit a nerve, but the responses that I've just read through our absolutely incredible. This has definitely hit a nerve in most. Also the togetherness or camaraderie I feel while I'm reading this makes me feel good.

Don't get me wrong for one single moment I hurt for everything I've read from everyone. I've been there I am there I know what you feel I know what I feel. Even those who are kind of over it all I know what you have felt. This is rough stuff to say the least. I really want to respond to every message individually but I can't do that right now, I need to run out and get some cleaning supplies to get the garbage cleaned up that the animals destroyed outside my door. But that's another story.

There is one other thing I have to start, and it'll be a post in probably another group most likely something with family. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water right? Now I've gotten this issue with my sons family. Since I've been back I've noticed strange behavior about his stepdaughter, and just the other day now I found out something very frightening about his wife. This has to do with I think narcissism with the child, and she is a 13-year-old girl, and something which I don't know out right about the wife. To me, this is about my son now because I realize what he has been going through and is going through. I've gotten angry the past couple of days with him, and it was very very wrong of me because I did not understand and did not stop to think about him. So please look for my next post, because I really don't know what to do! Maybe somebody has an idea, which I'm sure somebody does, and hopefully I'll be set straight once again before I do something wrong. I hope to get back in here later, when I'm alone, and answer more closely individual posts because like I said the answers here are fantastic and what you've all gone through is incredible and it does get read and it does get noticed. Thank you all keep posting here and like I says check out my other post because I need help.

[going places]

I am totally shocked and amazed. I thought I've seen other posts that I've made get lots of attention and hit a nerve, but the responses that I've just read through our absolutely incredible. This has definitely hit a nerve in most. Also the togetherness or camaraderie I feel while I'm reading this makes me feel good.

Good! Though I would NEVER wish the kind of trauma and pain that I have been through on ANYONE (including the ex, who has earned it :-) it has helped me to know; I am not alone.

THAT was the FIRST step in recovery for me. When I talked to an advocate, and went to group sessions where MY story, was the story of MANY!

Don't get me wrong for one single moment I hurt for everything I've read from everyone. I've been there I am there I know what you feel I know what I feel. Even those who are kind of over it all I know what you have felt. This is rough stuff to say the least. I really want to respond to every message individually but I can't do that right now, I need to run out and get some cleaning supplies to get the garbage cleaned up that the animals destroyed outside my door. But that's another story.

There is one other thing I have to start, and it'll be a post in probably another group most likely something with family. Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water right? Now I've gotten this issue with my sons family. Since I've been back I've noticed strange behavior about his stepdaughter, and just the other day now I found out something very frightening about his wife. This has to do with I think narcissism with the child, and she is a 13-year-old girl, and something which I don't know out right about the wife. To me, this is about my son now because I realize what he has been going through and is going through. I've gotten angry the past couple of days with him, and it was very very wrong of me because I did not understand and did not stop to think about him. So please look for my next post, because I really don't know what to do! Maybe somebody has an idea, which I'm sure somebody does, and hopefully I'll be set straight once again before I do something wrong. I hope to get back in here later, when I'm alone, and answer more closely individual posts because like I said the answers here are fantastic and what you've all gone through is incredible and it does get read and it does get noticed. Thank you all keep posting here and like I says check out my other post because I need help.

I will keep my eye out!

Have an amazing day!

[AwakenedOne]

"No contact whatsoever. Why? What are they feeling?"

Supposedly according to the BPD information, basically we are "out of sight out of mind" to them. So if we aren't in front of their face they don't think about us much if any at all unless triggered. A trigger would be if they hear a song we shared together while with them or when they find our old sock that was in their closet etc. etc. Possibly being dumped by their future partners will trigger them to rethink our goodness and value to them. Then the phone rings... .But you don't win anything by answering that call for sure. Probably best to answer all phone calls from now on for the rest of your life as: "Hello, this is McDonalds... .I am shift manager Jo Schmo, how may I help you today?" Also don't forget to change your voice a bit. Good luck.

Then again, supposedly shame plays a huge role in their disappearing and long term nc.

I think shame will prevent my ex wife from ever contacting me again. But then again while we were together her mindset was that I deserved injuries she inflicted on me  and whatever else her rages brought, so who knows.

[Beach_Babe]

"No contact whatsoever. Why? What are they feeling?"

Supposedly according to the BPD information, basically we are "out of sight out of mind" to them. So if we aren't in front of their face they don't think about us much if any at all unless triggered. A trigger would be if they hear a song we shared together while with them or when they find our old sock that was in their closet etc. etc. Possibly being dumped by their future partners will trigger them to rethink our goodness and value

Bingo. And this is why we struggle. They do not miss us the same. I fear mine will also think I "deserved,it" forever

[DyingLove]

"No contact whatsoever. Why? What are they feeling?"

Supposedly according to the BPD information, basically we are "out of sight out of mind" to them. So if we aren't in front of their face they don't think about us much if any at all unless triggered. A trigger would be if they hear a song we shared together while with them or when they find our old sock that was in their closet etc. etc. Possibly being dumped by their future partners will trigger them to rethink our goodness and value

Bingo. And this is why we struggle. They do not miss us the same. I fear mine will also think I "deserved,it" forever

Hi BeachB and Thanks!  Sometimes I get it. I understand why they stay away. And sometimes, I get it,,,why they strike after the RS is over.  And then, sometimes I don't get anything.  I do know that the "out of site out of mind" goes both ways. As confused as it makes me, if I keep it at bay, it certainly helps to keep that toxic crap out of my mind.  I'm doing so much better with the distractions of normal life and people that really like and may love me too.  The ex, at times, does NOT even come into my mind for an entire day!  I love when that happens.  I still regress, just like most of us do, but I'd say for just over 3 months, I've made gains by leaps and bounds.  At times it seemed life forever keeps passing, but just over 3 months... .I'm moving along at a good clip.  :-)  Thanks BB,,,and miss you too!  :-)

[fromheeltoheal]

Supposedly according to the BPD information, basically we are "out of sight out of mind" to them. So if we aren't in front of their face they don't think about us much if any at all unless triggered.

The description is a borderline lacks object constancy, meaning when someone is not with them physically they have a tough time fully associating to that person and the emotions around the relationship, which is why texting, the phone, email, Facebook, all of it are popular, as tools to retain attachments.  We all have challenges with that to one degree or another, which is why "out of sight out of mind" and "absence makes the heart grow fonder" are both common sayings.  And as it says in one of the articles on this site, for a borderline absence makes the heart grow colder.  My ex knew that about herself and asked me for a dirty t-shirt, so she could have my smell around when I wasn't there, her attempt to stay close to me in the face of that lack of object constancy.

A trigger would be if they hear a song we shared together while with them or when they find our old sock that was in their closet etc. etc. Possibly being dumped by their future partners will trigger them to rethink our goodness and value to them. Then the phone rings... .But you don't win anything by answering that call for sure. Probably best to answer all phone calls from now on for the rest of your life as: "Hello, this is McDonalds... .I am shift manager Jo Schmo, how may I help you today?" Also don't forget to change your voice a bit. Good luck.

Or we could just take our power back and realize we don't have to do anything we don't want to do, and other people only have as much control over us as we give them.

Then again, supposedly shame plays a huge role in their disappearing and long term nc.

Borderlines feel a lot of shame, and if they're in a place that doesn't feel good, feeling abandoned, feeling something unmanageable in general, the radar will look for possible soothers, you may show up on that radar as someone for which an attachment is still in place possibly, along with a measure of shame.  If the shame is stronger that blip on the radar will not be considered, but if the hint of an attachment wins, you may get a contact attempt, a borderline thinking maybe that former attachment could be of use to me and help me feel better, manage emotions I can't manage on my own.  And maybe you can, while also maintaining an emotional distance to protect yourself, maybe not, for each of us to decide.

[Duder]

I'm struggling with this now too.we've been no contact for 6 months. From what I hear,she's living it up,throwing parties,going clubbing,constantly posting pretty pics of herself on fb.meanwhile,I'm still healing, trying to put my life back together, grieving. Im still in shock at how she trhew me away, and moved on so quickly. She's idolizing one of her girlfriends right now,so I guess that helps her.I know that they are I'll,yet they still have some control over their actions.

[JRT]

Duder

Sorry to know that you are going through this... .I am 9 months out and I have not heard from mine since the day of... .after 2 years of a great relationship free of fighting or disagreements, she moved out while I was away and notified me of this via text... .no reason was given... .I feel that I can relate to your situation.

I wish I knew of more specifics but I can tell you this on a cursory basis: someone who parties and carries on as it sounds like your pwBPD is doing is not a sign of someone that is happy and is having a great time in life. As a matter of fact I think that it is the opposite. My guess is that she is soothing herself in the only way that she knows how by over partying and posting shots of herself to FB so that she can get the adulation fix that she needs in order to feel good about herself.

There are many stories of people who do this sort of thing, but its usually what they want the PR wing of their being wants the world and even herself to be convinced of. By thinking is that the very opposite is true: that they are sad, lonely and empty inside. That they lost someone that loved them and it hurts to think about. The people that use dancing, drinking and partying as an opiate for emotional pain is very well established - she sounds to very much be in pain to me.

[Duder]

Thanks JRT for your post. I agree,she is faking her happiness. She's doing whatever she can so she doesn't have to deal with her guilt. And she should have tons of it. She begged me to come back to her,a third time,promised me marriage and a child. I fell for it,moved in with her and her two kids,who I treated and loved as my own. Her friends liked me,her kids liked me. Then she finds out that her ex husband is engaged and our relationship goes downhill. Kicks me out of her house and starts posting on fb about how she should have never gotten divorced. Talk about a slap in the face. She didn't even mourn our relationship, she mourned her previous one.

[dobie]

I'm struggling with this now too.we've been no contact for 6 months. From what I hear,she's living it up,throwing parties,going clubbing,constantly posting pretty pics of herself on fb.meanwhile,I'm still healing, trying to put my life back together, grieving. Im still in shock at how she trhew me away, and moved on so quickly. She's idolizing one of her girlfriends right now,so I guess that helps her.I know that they are I'll,yet they still have some control over their actions.

Snap same experience for me she left me for her new gfs and random hook ups .  mine is indulging every selfish and self centred whim this is how they are r/s for them are about them always

Sorry your going through this duder I know how painful it is to have your life in pieces while they carry on without a care in the world .

[JRT]

Thanks JRT for your post. I agree,she is faking her happiness. She's doing whatever she can so she doesn't have to deal with her guilt. And she should have tons of it. She begged me to come back to her,a third time,promised me marriage and a child. I fell for it,moved in with her and her two kids,who I treated and loved as my own. Her friends liked me,her kids liked me. Then she finds out that her ex husband is engaged and our relationship goes downhill. Kicks me out of her house and starts posting on fb about how she should have never gotten divorced. Talk about a slap in the face. She didn't even mourn our relationship, she mourned her previous one.

Man, thats horrible... .I can only imagine your frustration... .I know this would be hard for me as it has; we have not entirely dissimilar situations. I find it interesting what you say about her ex husband getting married and it leading to the demise of your r/s. My ex's exhusband just got engaged recently as well and I wondered how it might affect her. I don't want to hijack this post. If you are inclined, please PM me; I would like to learn more regarding the circumstances around how this triggered her and such.

Thanks

[DyingLove]

I moved out while she was at work.

Sunday was the last day we saw each other and spoke, she was staying at her mothers during the week, didn't want to come home. She went to disneyworld with her kid that week for two days. I honestly DID NOT want to see her the day I moved, I was actually afraid.  I moved on thursday. She got home and texted me at 6:03 pm "So, I guess your not here",,,minutes later she tried calling.  I didn't answer nor return any text/call.

I wonder now, if she will be afraid in the future that someone can "just be gone" by time she gets home from work?  Will what I did screw her abandonment issues up worse?  Will her next patsy have to endure even more stringent crap?

Damn I hope so.  I can relate to all the stories, especially Duder.