Joining a support group and finding a qualified therapist

[kelti1972]

Hi everyone:

Just wondering if anyone knows of family support groups to join or qualified therapists for the parents of an adult child with BPD?  I tried to sign up for family connections and the only face to face meetings they had were in California, we are 7 hours from California.  Then I opted for the phone meeting and they said there weren't any right now.  I tried to call a therapist our swBPD's therapist recommended.  I called him three times, left messages and sent him a text and two emails.  His wife responded to me on the two emails telling me he would call.  He never has responded once.  It has been two weeks.

Our swBPD has got me in a spin for the last three weeks.  He told me that he told us an elaborate story about being a drug addict to get out of his emotional pain.  He was completely paranoid and shaving his head the day he told us the story.  He said he wanted to go to a rehab right away.  I was completely dumbfounded that day.  This was before he was assessed as having BPD.  I didn't know what to do. I tried calling some people but they were not of any help.  He kept telling a story that day and finally said he had hard drugs in the house.  That is when I reacted and we kicked him out of the house and he ended up at a sober living 12-steps program.  This was a miracle to us because he seemed to be doing so good and got assessed for BPD and found God, etc. etc.  He also found his therapist who is specially trained to deal with BPD and the place she works at is one of the best in the whole state.!  Now that his therapist told him to come back home and get a part-time job so he could take a year and do the DBT.  He has started to change again and said he is not at all a drug addict and made up that whole story.  He has connected with his old friends that supplied him with pot, etc. 

He has given up the 12-step program and his sponser and thats when I started to get really scared and frantic, that he is going to go back into his same behavior and another crises will happen.   His therapist which we are really putting alot of trust in also said he was not a drug addict and she said she would eventually call us to talk with us.  Hasn't happened yet.    We really do want to check in with her from time to time.  I get so scared of another episode like the last one, especially since he reconnected with the same friends, that I feel I need a therapist too!   Does anyone have any thoughts on this?   Kelti1972 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[meantcorn34]

I wouldn't bother with someone who didn't return my calls or emails. It doesn't seem like he is very organized or responsive. Couldn't count on him in an emergency. Do you have a list of therapists your insurance covers? You could start there and make some calls. Sometimes you need to meet a couple of therapists before you find the right fit.

It can take some work to find the right person, but the benefits can be extremely helpful when you do.Good luck to you.

[kelti1972]

Thank you for responding.  It is irony after I posted this,  he called me .  He couldn't apologize enough and was in the process of moving his business and home and felt he wouldn't be any good to anyone at that time.  He said when I am a client he would definetly get back to me.  Anyway, he sounded very sincere and couldn't apologize enough so we may give him a chance afterall. 

I know our swBPD was addicted to pot and, this counselor I talked with tonight, said it is much more dangerous than all those who want to legalize it are saying.  So he said our son cannot do dbt and use at the same time it will not work.  He also said he has to be really motivated to work at dbt or it will not really do any good.  It will change his behavior and he has to make some real committments to work the program.  My husband said they test them when they get in the training for dbt to make sure they are not using anything.  Once I can talk with our sons  therapist, I feel I will get a better read on the whole thing.  Thanks again for your responding.  Kelti

[kelti1972]

Hi:

Our swBPD came in to talk with me about his therapy session.  I get very confussed, because he says his therapist tells him when he used marijuana everyday it was no big deal and he is not an addict.  Then he said that she told him when he started dbt training he was going to recognize all the BPD traits in his family and he would change and they may not like it.  He said his therapist asked him if he was ready for that.  I asked him to give me an example and he said, well for instance we don't like uncertainty so we label something we are not sure about or has not been diagnosed by a professional and that makes us feel better.  We need to learn how to manage uncertaintly and live with the unknown.  I said I would like to learn better ways of managing my life, it wouldn't upset me to acquire the healthy things you are learning.  He then said he wasn't talking about me specifically.  I said ok.  It is really great you are enjoying your therapy. 

I really feel our s is in some denial again about his disease.  He said that he is high functioning and he can hold down a job, and he is getting more stable, etc.  He said he only had symptoms of BPD when he has breakdowns.  I have seen him have symptoms many other times. I just get confussed on what is his truth and what is his therapists truth.  It doesn't seem that a good therapist would tell him marijuana was no big deal and alcohol was no big deal.  Am I just making something out of nothing here? Kelti1972

[lbjnltx]

Hi kelti 

Your son has his own interpretation of the words the therapist used, he is most likely minimizing the therapists' words in order to relieve himself of guilt/responsibility for making the necessary changes in his choices.

Will you and your husband be participating in the family dbt skills program when your son starts dbt?  It is highly valuable to do so... .for everyone.

In the interim, you can attend Al Anon,  Nar Anon or Celebrate Recovery  meetings and apply the principles to your situation. Meetings are easy to find and you can get some support there.

lbj

[kelti1972]

lbj

I am already in Nar Anon and it has helped alot.  Also we need to contact his therapist to find out when the family ones are.  We both finally wrote a letter today to her, since we have not, as yet, been able to connect.  Are there some kind of DBT workshops on this site?  I thought I read that someone took some workshops on DBT.  Thanks  Kelti

[lbjnltx]

Yes Kelti,

We do have some workshop materials on DBT skills:

Tools:  Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Triggering, Mindfulness, and Wisemind

Communication: Dearman Technique

Being Assertive in a healthy way (DBT Skill)

Radical Acceptance for Family Members

If you want to explore further you can use the information and tools on the DBT Self Help website too.

lbj

[kelti1972]

Went to my family doctor today and he talked about neuroplasticity, the ability for the brain to change or reconnect to basically remold or redirect the brain.  Has anyone heard of this and what do you think in healing phychological problems with this technique?  Also EMDR anyone know how this works for people with ptss?  My doctor also said that BPD was a garbage can diagnosis and society really stigmitizes it.  I asked him why and he said because when they cannot label you with any other disorder, this is what they label you with.  What do any of you think about this?  Kelti

[lbjnltx]

Went to my family doctor today and he talked about neuroplasticity, the ability for the brain to change or reconnect to basically remold or redirect the brain.  Has anyone heard of this and what do you think in healing phychological problems with this technique? 

What technique are you referring to?  My daughter, and Rapt Readers' son did (he still does) neurofeedback therapy... .exercising under active areas of the brain to improve function to  more balanced .  It helped my daughter with impulse control, attention span, depression, and executive function overall.  It has helped Rapt Readers' son with addiction issues.

Also EMDR anyone know how this works for people with ptss? 

There is another mom whose child is going to do this, her thread is on page 1 here.  Also, here is a link to some info on EMDR:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=37825.0

My doctor also said that BPD was a garbage can diagnosis and society really stigmitizes it.  I asked him why and he said because when they cannot label you with any other disorder, this is what they label you with.  What do any of you think about this?  Kelti

I think everyone has an opinion and it should be reserved until after an examination of a patient is done to justify their opinion or position.  It sounds like "old school" thinking to me.  JMO

lbj

[kelti1972]

Thank you lbj and I agree with you on old school thinking! Kelti

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, kelti1972 

lbjnltx is right: my son (who is 38 now) has been in Neurofeedback Therapy since April of 2013, and it has helped him immensely. He has been clean and sober of every drug, legal and illegal (his drug of choice at the time of his bottoming out and ending up diagnosed with BPD in March 2013, was Heroin), and also alcohol, since March of 2013. I believe that the Neurofeedback Therapy has helped make that happen, along with the DBT and other therapies he has had. But I credit the NFT with the bulk of his success; his other therapies would not have gotten him to this stage of recovery on their own, in my opinion (due to his past history, this is my belief).

The Neurofeedback has also helped him to the point where he wouldn't even be diagnosed with the BPD, ADD, Depression and Suicidal Ideations that he'd had prior to treatment. It's amazing how much better his brain is functioning, and how much better his emotional health is now... .The way it works, and how far he has come is told in this thread: 21-day stay at a Dual Diagnosis Center, in case you would be interested in more information about it. I highly recommend it; in fact, my son has another NFT Session tomorrow afternoon 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders