Social media blocking

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I went one day without crying them BAM... .

A mutual friend told me they blocked me on all social media.

Why do I even care?  Why did this make me cry?

I have never even tried to contact this person once the left.  Why did they do this?

I should be glad but it just tore me up.

[healingslowly12]

I went one day without crying them BAM... .

A mutual friend told me they blocked me on all social media.

Why do I even care?  Why did this make me cry?

I have never even tried to contact this person once the left.  Why did they do this?

I should be glad but it just tore me up.

[Mike-X]

I am sorry for how this has upset you. Why do you think that this led you to cry? What do you think this all says about the mutual friend?

[healingslowly12]

That is a good question.  I think it felt like a final slap in the face, even more feelings of rejection for me.  Why do I even care? I know it is a good thing to be rejected by them.  As if they were worried that I would try to contact them.  I feel insulted.

I want all my memories to be erased.

[enlighten me]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

[healingslowly12]

Thanks enlighten, I assumed they were doing it to hurt me.  That was pretty narcissistic thinking of me.  The last thing I want is to act like them

[enlighten me]

Its very easy to see their actions as offensive rather than defensive. We forget that they have feelings and only see the dissorder.  Yes some things are done to hurt us, rub our noses in it but not all. Us nons can behave the same way.

[JRT]

Sorry that you are going through this, it is REALLY painful and confusing especially when all you are guilty of is loving them. My ex-Fiance also did this. She and I never argued yet she broke up suddenly without any warning of any kind. As if it was not enough, she blocked me on her phone from both texting and calling and then on then on social media. She also unfriended all of the people that were friends in common and demanded that her family and friends also unfriend me. I tried to contact her afterwards and I received a letter from an attorney threatening a PPO and then a call from the police three months later when I tried to call her on Xmas eve (so much for the xmas spirit).

I have not spoken with her at all but I have pieced a great deal together thanks to this site and other sources that have provided me with likely answers to my questions. I believe that those that are cut off the most extremely, which includes social media, are BPD's that are the more triggered than others. The sight of you or just the mention of your name results in emotions that they simply cannot deal with... .they unable to overcome them and are incredibly painful... .its impossible for them to deal with so they just erase as much of us as they can so they can avoid having to make the attempt to begin with.

Whats more incredible to consider from what I have read and learned is that those that are the most extreme in their cut off and discard cared about their SO's the most: you meant the WORLD to them, but they are simply incapable of being a part of a successful long term relationship. That's really all that there is to it.

[UserName69]

It's better to block your exBPD and all her friends on FB. There is no need to stay with friends with them because it will slow down your healing process. You need to focus on getting over her and moving on. It's just Facebook, let them do whatever they want/say.

I think you cried because you think she turned everybody against you. I think my exBPD has been painting me black and I bet all of her friends are on her side. Do I care about it? Hell no, actually I feel sorry for them because they're so easy to manipulate. We never had any mutual friends, even if we did I wouldn't care about them. They should never get involved in other peoples relationship matters, it's none of their business.

You're better off without them. A lot of people only use FB as a tool to get revenge on their exBF/exGF and I can assure you this. Never stay friends with your ex, especially if shes a pwBPD. Whenever we broke up she used it as a tool to try and make me jealous, flirting with other guys, making semi nude photos of herself and all of other kind BS.

[chill1986]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

So should we block them if we haven't been blocked? Or does that play into their hands?

Should we act like we don't care and just post positive stuff like pictures of us having fun etc not crap inspirational quotes or anything.

[UserName69]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

So should we block them if we haven't been blocked? Or does that play into their hands?

Should we act like we don't care and just post positive stuff like pictures of us having fun etc not crap inspirational quotes or anything.

Yes you need to move on. Me and my exBPD broke up 14 times within 6 months. It drove me crazy. I decided to move on we blocked each other on FB, I knew everything she posted was a lie. She tried to look happy on FB but when I saw her once she looked so messed up. So everything she posted was a lie, just to give me a picture that she's better off without me.

Don't post inspirational quotes, it's so childish and immature. It's going to make you look like an idiot, especially after a break up. A lot of people do this and to be honest I find this very embarrassing. Why should I show the world that my RS ended or how I feel? It's none of their business.

A girl I know recently broke up with her BF. She didn't post a lot of FB before the BU. Now she spams FB with all kind of inspirational quotes, how happy she is and tons of half naked photo's. Yeah of course a lot of guys liked these but now she has created a bad image of herself. Guys won't respect her and see her as a sl*t while she on the other hand thinks that she's hurting her BF, but she doesn't know once she figures out that these guys just want to use her for sex she'll be even hurt more and more.

I asked myself do people sink so low? Everybody who knows her, knows that this is just a lie she tries to believe in. It's also a way to take revenge on her BF, their still friends on FB. I don't understand why he didn't block her.

Best thing to do: block your exBPD on FB, phone, email. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her/him such as emails, texts etc. Focus on yourself, start new hobbies, go out, meet new people and try to stay busy so you won't think about her. Make a list with all the bad things she did to you and make sure you read it every time you linger for her. This is the best and fastest way to get over your exBPD. And don't forget: you can't have a healthy RS with someone who has BPD, it's just impossible.

[chill1986]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

.

So should we block them if we haven't been blocked? Or does that play into their hands?

Should we act like we don't care and just post positive stuff like pictures of us having fun etc not crap inspirational quotes or anything.

Yes you need to move on. Me and my exBPD broke up 14 times within 6 months. It drove me crazy. I decided to move on we blocked each other on FB, I knew everything she posted was a lie. She tried to look happy on FB but when I saw her once she looked so messed up. So everything she posted was a lie, just to give me a picture that she's better off without me.

Don't post inspirational quotes, it's so childish and immature. It's going to make you look like an idiot, especially after a break up. A lot of people do this and to be honest I find this very embarrassing. Why should I show the world that my RS ended or how I feel? It's none of their business.

A girl I know recently broke up with her BF. She didn't post a lot of FB before the BU. Now she spams FB with all kind of inspirational quotes, how happy she is and tons of half naked photo's. Yeah of course a lot of guys liked these but now she has created a bad image of herself. Guys won't respect her and see her as a sl*t while she on the other hand thinks that she's hurting her BF, but she doesn't know once she figures out that these guys just want to use her for sex she'll be even hurt more and more.

I asked myself do people sink so low? Everybody who knows her, knows that this is just a lie she tries to believe in. It's also a way to take revenge on her BF, their still friends on FB. I don't understand why he didn't block her.

Best thing to do: block your exBPD on FB, phone, email. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her/him such as emails, texts etc. Focus on yourself, start new hobbies, go out, meet new people and try to stay busy so you won't think about her. Make a list with all the bad things she did to you and make sure you read it every time you linger for her. This is the best and fastest way to get over your exBPD. And don't forget: you can't have a healthy RS with someone who has BPD, it's just impossible.

I hate all those inspirational quotes so no way I was going to post that, just put up a few photos of going to the henley regatta and loads of my friends tagged me in stuff having a good time. I would never put up some s*** status looking for attention. I just tagged in a load of stuff by friends is all and was wondering whether it is a good or bad thing she sees that. She's become friends with my sis and other friends so will see it anyway most likely. I've limited myself to going on twice a day, I ditn really miss it to be honest.

I am moving on, taking up new hobbies (golf) and trying old ones again. Meeting up with friends.

Cheers for the advice!

[Pretty Woman]

Even better... .deactivate for awhile. It's actually freeing.

I am taking myself off for six months. I'm a total FB addict but I don't need the drama of Fake Book.

I'm going to read, write, take some classes. Get back to the woman I was before this effer and  tune into my needs. Reconnect with my family and friends.

I let my whole life fall apart.  It's time to rebuild.

[UserName69]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

.

So should we block them if we haven't been blocked? Or does that play into their hands?

Should we act like we don't care and just post positive stuff like pictures of us having fun etc not crap inspirational quotes or anything.

Yes you need to move on. Me and my exBPD broke up 14 times within 6 months. It drove me crazy. I decided to move on we blocked each other on FB, I knew everything she posted was a lie. She tried to look happy on FB but when I saw her once she looked so messed up. So everything she posted was a lie, just to give me a picture that she's better off without me.

Don't post inspirational quotes, it's so childish and immature. It's going to make you look like an idiot, especially after a break up. A lot of people do this and to be honest I find this very embarrassing. Why should I show the world that my RS ended or how I feel? It's none of their business.

A girl I know recently broke up with her BF. She didn't post a lot of FB before the BU. Now she spams FB with all kind of inspirational quotes, how happy she is and tons of half naked photo's. Yeah of course a lot of guys liked these but now she has created a bad image of herself. Guys won't respect her and see her as a sl*t while she on the other hand thinks that she's hurting her BF, but she doesn't know once she figures out that these guys just want to use her for sex she'll be even hurt more and more.

I asked myself do people sink so low? Everybody who knows her, knows that this is just a lie she tries to believe in. It's also a way to take revenge on her BF, their still friends on FB. I don't understand why he didn't block her.

Best thing to do: block your exBPD on FB, phone, email. Get rid of everything that reminds you of her/him such as emails, texts etc. Focus on yourself, start new hobbies, go out, meet new people and try to stay busy so you won't think about her. Make a list with all the bad things she did to you and make sure you read it every time you linger for her. This is the best and fastest way to get over your exBPD. And don't forget: you can't have a healthy RS with someone who has BPD, it's just impossible.

I hate all those inspirational quotes so no way I was going to post that, just put up a few photos of going to the henley regatta and loads of my friends tagged me in stuff having a good time. I would never put up some s*** status looking for attention. I just tagged in a load of stuff by friends is all and was wondering whether it is a good or bad thing she sees that. She's become friends with my sis and other friends so will see it anyway most likely. I've limited myself to going on twice a day, I ditn really miss it to be honest.

I am moving on, taking up new hobbies (golf) and trying old ones again. Meeting up with friends.

Cheers for the advice!

I really wanted to start with golf, I tried it once and I only embarrassed myself . I started with cigars and so far this is the best hobby I ever started. I noticed many gold players are cigar smoker. Maybe you should join the club of cigar smokers, I bet you're going to love them.

[blissful_camper]

Deactivating is a great idea unless one uses FB as a business marketing tool.  I suggest blocking.  Sadly, cutting ties with mutual friends and acquaintances may be necessary too.

Back to the OP, what are your thoughts on your mutual friend? Do you have plans in place to protect yourself from receiving news about your ex?

[enlighten me]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

So should we block them if we haven't been blocked? Or does that play into their hands?

Should we act like we don't care and just post positive stuff like pictures of us having fun etc not crap inspirational quotes or anything.

I blocked my ex wife and it was what I needed to do. My exgf isnt blocked as it is the only way she will communicate when im away. Ive used my exgfs fb as a case study. Piecing together her behaviour on fb with what I know is going on. Its been interesting to see how different her posts have been to the reality.

If you dont have any reason to still be connected to them then I would recommend blocking. Even a small post can trigger you and cause you pain. Even knowing what I know about exgfs fb behaviour I can still get a little triggered.

[healingslowly12]

Back to the OP, what are your thoughts on your mutual friend? Do you have plans in place to protect yourself from receiving news about your ex?

BPD has been blocked from every possible thing.  Mutual friends have also been blocked.  I have erased this person as much as possible.    All that remains are memories that I'm trying to forget.  If I could magically erase them from my brain, I would.  I know that to forget them, I have to focus on myself which is what i'm doing.  I'm reading the book The Journey from Abandonment to Healing which was suggested on this site.  I hope that this will help me focus on MY issues and why I chose this person in the first place.

[.cup.car]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

This. My ex confirmed it almost word for word a while back.

[chill1986]

So by not deleting them you are prolonging their pain but also their hatred of you?

[JRT]

Look at it another way. Maybe seeing you is a trigger for them. Maybe by blocking you they are easing their pain.

FB is tempting to peek at but peeking can be painful. By removing the temptation you remove some pain.

This. My ex confirmed it almost word for word a while back.

CC... .do you mean to say that your ex confirmed that seeing your posts on FB was painful to them?

[SummerStorm]

I've been blocked on my former friend BPD's phone since she decided that she no longer wanted me in her life.

 

I never use Facebook.  Mine is private and unsearchable.  I used to basically just use it for entering contests, and I tried Tinder for a week or two, so I logged in with my Facebook account to use it.  My former friend BPD doesn't even know I have it, so she can't do anything in terms of blocking me on there. 

But in the past few days, she made her Twitter account private, which is hilarious because she has tweeted a total of one time since creating the account in May.  She only has 9 followers, and none of them are people she knows.  She unfollowed me right after she went NC.  When we were friends, I only sent her one message, and right after she went NC, I sent her one, telling me to send back things she borrowed from me.  I haven't tried to send her any messages, and I have her blocked, so there really is no reason for her to make it private.  It's just all childish. 

[rotiroti]

You know everyone is different, I actually blocked my BPDex on facebook and phone because seeing her was a trigger for me. I know when the time is ready, I will unblock her

[healingslowly12]

I haven't tried to send her any messages, and I have her blocked, so there really is no reason for her to make it private.  It's just all childish. 

This is what I don't get about them.  They have no reason to block us, we've left them alone. I agree with you, it is childish.

[enlighten me]

The fact that you dont use social media or peek theirs doesnt mean that they dont think you do. The probability is they look at yours. My exgf would look up my exs or any female friends I had on fb to scope out the competitiin. She might have blocked you as she wanted to take away her feeling you were checking up on her which reminds her of you and what she has done. If that nakes sense.

Or it could just be she doesnt want you seeing what she is up to as she doesnt want you to dislike her. Both my exs have a massive thing about people not liking them.

[SummerStorm]

I found out that, since mine made her Twitter account private, she's added two more tweets, bringing her total to three.  She only has 8 followers, and none of them are people she knows, so this makes me laugh.  If I had to guess, she's probably just posting pictures or replying to people she followers, but keeping it all mysterious, to make me jealous.  I would be, if she hadn't told me months ago that I'm the only person she knows who has Twitter!

I'm glad I blocked her and made my account private.  When she made the account in May, she joked that it was so she could "stalk me on social media" (my Facebook is private, and I have never posted anything anyway).  After critcizing me not long after she made it, she ignored me the rest of the day and made up some crisis that night and told me not to text her for the rest of the weekend.  On Monday, I told her about something that happened to me (almost losing my camera) when I was at a museum over the weekend, and she replied, "Yeah, I know.  I saw it on Twitter."  That actually kind of creeped me out.  Obviously, that's what Twitter is for, but why hold back saying anything until I mentioned it?  She could have replied to my tweet and said, "Glad you found it!" or texted me Monday.  Photography is a huge passion of mine, and she knows how much I love my camera.  It just really creeped me out that she was ignoring my texts all day but reading my tweets and not even commenting on what happened.

[healingslowly12]

My BPD was an internet stalker too but I never knew it until after she discarded me.  Things started to click then.  I realized some of the things she said in the past she would only know through internet stalking.  Then one time I caught her right in the act, she didn't even hide it that she was watching people (including me).  I also found this very creepy .  They stalk but then after they discard they block us.  Makes no sense.

[SummerStorm]

My BPD was an internet stalker too but I never knew it until after she discarded me.  Things started to click then.  I realized some of the things she said in the past she would only know through internet stalking.  Then one time I caught her right in the act, she didn't even hide it that she was watching people (including me).  I also found this very creepy .  They stalk but then after they discard they block us.  Makes no sense.

I think mine wanted to see if I had other friends besides her.  She was jealous over who I might be communicating with.  The funny thing is, most of the people I follow on Twitter are fans of either my favorite basketball team or my favorite TV show, so I communicate with them online, but I've never met them.  A lot of them don't have their real location listed in their profile, so my former friend BPD was probably going crazy when she looked at my followers list.  I only have like 72 followers, and a few of them are sports teams, so really, it wouldn't be hard to believe that most of my followers are people I actually know, whereas on Facebook, some people have thousands of friends, and it's obvious they don't know most of those people.

[chill1986]

My ex sent a text today mentioning something in it that she would only know by stalking me. Why do they do it?

[SummerStorm]

My ex sent a text today mentioning something in it that she would only know by stalking me. Why do they do it?

Who knows?  Probably because they want control.  Also, if they are trying to hurt us, they may do it to see what we're up to and then adjust their own social media activity accordingly, in case we check up on them.  "Oh, he spent the weekend at the beach?  Well, I'm going to post something about how I'm planning on going on a long vacation to Hawaii."  It doesn't matter if it's true or not.  They care about their image.  Really, they aren't unlike most people on Facebook (Facebook) in that respect. 

The difference with pwBPD is that they often don't have a huge social circle and are often doing this after they have painted someone black.  So, there are few people who can disprove what they are posting, and even if they can, they've probably been told that we are the "evil" ones, so they aren't going to bother telling us that it isn't true.   

And really, most of them probably don't post specific details anyway.  Mine only posts pictures, either of herself, looking for approval, or of her and her boyfriend, looking for people to say how cute they are together.  I guarantee that, before I blocked her, mine was reading my tweets and seeing how happy I am.  She was also aware that I was still in contact with her boyfriend and asking him to tell her to send back things she borrowed from me.  So, what did she do?  She went out and got her hair chopped off and re-colored, instead of going to the post office to mail my things, and then posted pictures of it all over social media.  It was basically her saying, "F*&! you!"   

[JRT]

They stalk but then after they discard they block us.  Makes no sense.[/quote]
YES! They block us, but continue to stalk.

Mine knew all of my FB comings and goings but never was inclined to post too much, for whatever reason. She blocked me after she left; I really think that it is more of a symbolic message of sorts to them. I KNOW that she created a dummy FB account and has been using that to stalk me every since as I caught her red handed... .also on LinkenIN.