Told off my BPD ex tonight and it feels good

[Depression = 72% of members]

A lot of people think of writing letters to their jerk BPD exes... .well, I  actually told my BPD ex off... .to her face... and I did it tonight. Mentally Ill or not, it felt good. I did this 2 hours ago actually. I have no regrets. She has a problem and she will not get help for it. Her mom is actually BPD too... textbook. My ex and her mom have filled my life with chaos for 4 years. She was a little higher functioning then her mom but guess what? Not anymore. Now she is a clone. They both say "only crazy people need therapy" and refuse to get help. You know what? It's not my fault she is mentally unstable... should I be her doormat?  She doesn't want to get help.  I won't bite my tongue and take her abuse so I can sugarcoat things for her so she won't freak out. It's not all about them. What about who they hurt?

We have broken up 2 times now I'm 4 years. The first break up she was pretty awful... emotionally cheated on me but never followed through. This time? She did. She left our home, our pets, our life together and took off on me. After we moved away to start our life, she functions for a year and some months befirw her mom triggers her off and she begins acting like Dr Jekyll again... .it's a mindbang how these sick people can sit there and minimize a long term relationship, a marriage, and say "well that's in the past" how they can say they were not happy for a long time, that they don't love you, that they don't want to be with you again and keep coming around being dependent on you... .or better yet, 4 weeks ago, tell you that you are the love of their life and they can't wait to have kids with you, be intimate with you, kiss you, cry tears for you... only to treat you like garbage, cast you aside and find replacements who are complete bums and losers and treat you like a parent or acquaintance or a stranger... .it's insane to me.  I am angry at this woman. A woman I loved unconditionally and stuck by, who I cared for, shared my bed with, shared a life with, shared my heart with, provided for, supported... .and 4 weeks after leaving, I'm nothing to her but someone she can call when she is bored or when she needs a parent or rescuer. Why don't they go to their replacements for help? Is it because the ones they stay with for a long amount of time are stable and healthy good people and the replacements that don't last are scrubs who are mentally unstable themselves?

This is what I told her:

Me: I'm tired of you calling me when you need help. I'm not an option. I'm not your parent. You need to run your own life. You say I need to stay out of your personal business, that we aren't together anymore but LOOK, you text or call me or ask to see me every couple of days! You say you want to be my friend? Ha! A Friend doesn't depend on a person who is viewed as just a friend to help them figure out every detail of their life, get mad over who the other person hangs out with or talks to, a friend is not possible with someone who just split from a 4 year relationship 4 weeks ago! You are talking to some jerk who is older than you and in their mid thirties but works a minimum wage job, lives with their grandpa and has knocked up a 14 year old child when they were in their twenties? That's sick.  Past is a good prediction of future behavior and once a loser, always a loser! That guy is still a jerk. You had a great life; someone who is attractive, educated, no shady last, comes from a good family, has a good job, who loved you, cared for you; you had a nice home with nice pets; you got out of debt and stopped drinking; had a higher paying job; my family who loved you dearly; we were gonna buy a nice home when I get my promotion soon and I was going to help you go back to school... .but you walked away from it all. Because you say you want to make your mom happy and she doesn't want us together... .and You say we argued and you lost feelings... but you refuse to communicate and shut down? How could I ever win? You never have me the opportunity to talk things through, you just blamed me and shut down and told me to stop talking... just like you are doing now. You say we aren't getting back together, that you don't love me, blah blah blah but you are still taking to me... still getting worked up and yelling at me, you wear my shirts and you call me my nickname you always called me... you are hot and cold. You hurt me and to you, it doesn't even matter. It's not right and you need to figure your life out! You work a low paying job; live in a crappy apartment on a rundown side of town; you bought a car when you can't afford it and aren't paying your roommate any rent because you told her you are destitute and now you wonder why she wants you out in a month? You have no plan as to where to go. You can't manage your life or finances. You are drinking again. Everything is a mess. You chose to stay here rather than go back out of state and go home, now what will you do? Go live with some moron and his pappy? Go find another acquaintance to con and use for a free place to live? You say you want me to be proud of you? I'm not. I'm dissapointed. And you have to start preparing for life without me to run to for help. You want to know what your future will be like? Look at your mom. Keep running away and you will end up like that. You burned a person who really cared for you.

I feel like it went right in one ear and out the other. She bought me Starbucks to make up for her crappy behavior, like that solves it and continued to call me a pentname she used to when I told her To stop. She said she would call me about something she needs help with and I said yeah sure see ya sometime don't bother. Kept playing some dumb song in the car about "I gotta let you go... .if you loved me, you would chase me" is she for real?

I wish I could disconnect from her like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I keep coming back for abuse because I feel sorry for her. Because I still care and don't want to see her mess her life over. Because, deep down, I wish she would come home and get therapy. 

When you get matter of fact and call a borderline out, does that deter them from contact and clinging? Or does it not phase them? Could it make her acting out worse? I'm afraid she will still try to come home to the house when her roommate kicks her out. She chose to stay here in florida where I'm from rather than move back to Oklahoma City where we moved here from over a year ago (to get away from her mom and have our own life) and she has no real friends or family here... .

[CharWood]

A lot of people think of writing letters to their jerk BPD exes... .well, I  actually told my BPD ex off... .to her face... and I did it tonight. Mentally Ill or not, it felt good. I did this 2 hours ago actually. I have no regrets. She has a problem and she will not get help for it. Her mom is actually BPD too... textbook. My ex and her mom have filled my life with chaos for 4 years. She was a little higher functioning then her mom but guess what? Not anymore. Now she is a clone. They both say "only crazy people need therapy" and refuse to get help. You know what? It's not my fault she is mentally unstable... should I be her doormat?  She doesn't want to get help.  I won't bite my tongue and take her abuse so I can sugarcoat things for her so she won't freak out. It's not all about them. What about who they hurt?

We have broken up 2 times now I'm 4 years. The first break up she was pretty awful... emotionally cheated on me but never followed through. This time? She did. She left our home, our pets, our life together and took off on me. After we moved away to start our life, she functions for a year and some months befirw her mom triggers her off and she begins acting like Dr Jekyll again... .it's a mindbang how these sick people can sit there and minimize a long term relationship, a marriage, and say "well that's in the past" how they can say they were not happy for a long time, that they don't love you, that they don't want to be with you again and keep coming around being dependent on you... .or better yet, 4 weeks ago, tell you that you are the love of their life and they can't wait to have kids with you, be intimate with you, kiss you, cry tears for you... only to treat you like garbage, cast you aside and find replacements who are complete bums and losers and treat you like a parent or acquaintance or a stranger... .it's insane to me.  I am angry at this woman. A woman I loved unconditionally and stuck by, who I cared for, shared my bed with, shared a life with, shared my heart with, provided for, supported... .and 4 weeks after leaving, I'm nothing to her but someone she can call when she is bored or when she needs a parent or rescuer. Why don't they go to their replacements for help? Is it because the ones they stay with for a long amount of time are stable and healthy good people and the replacements that don't last are scrubs who are mentally unstable themselves?

This is what I told her:

Me: I'm tired of you calling me when you need help. I'm not an option. I'm not your parent. You need to run your own life. You say I need to stay out of your personal business, that we aren't together anymore but LOOK, you text or call me or ask to see me every couple of days! You say you want to be my friend? Ha! A Friend doesn't depend on a person who is viewed as just a friend to help them figure out every detail of their life, get mad over who the other person hangs out with or talks to, a friend is not possible with someone who just split from a 4 year relationship 4 weeks ago! You are talking to some jerk who is older than you and in their mid thirties but works a minimum wage job, lives with their grandpa and has knocked up a 14 year old child when they were in their twenties? That's sick.  Past is a good prediction of future behavior and once a loser, always a loser! That guy is still a jerk. You had a great life; someone who is attractive, educated, no shady last, comes from a good family, has a good job, who loved you, cared for you; you had a nice home with nice pets; you got out of debt and stopped drinking; had a higher paying job; my family who loved you dearly; we were gonna buy a nice home when I get my promotion soon and I was going to help you go back to school... .but you walked away from it all. Because you say you want to make your mom happy and she doesn't want us together... .and You say we argued and you lost feelings... but you refuse to communicate and shut down? How could I ever win? You never have me the opportunity to talk things through, you just blamed me and shut down and told me to stop talking... just like you are doing now. You say we aren't getting back together, that you don't love me, blah blah blah but you are still taking to me... still getting worked up and yelling at me, you wear my shirts and you call me my nickname you always called me... you are hot and cold. You hurt me and to you, it doesn't even matter. It's not right and you need to figure your life out! You work a low paying job; live in a crappy apartment on a rundown side of town; you bought a car when you can't afford it and aren't paying your roommate any rent because you told her you are destitute and now you wonder why she wants you out in a month? You have no plan as to where to go. You can't manage your life or finances. You are drinking again. Everything is a mess. You chose to stay here rather than go back out of state and go home, now what will you do? Go live with some moron and his pappy? Go find another acquaintance to con and use for a free place to live? You say you want me to be proud of you? I'm not. I'm dissapointed. And you have to start preparing for life without me to run to for help. You want to know what your future will be like? Look at your mom. Keep running away and you will end up like that. You burned a person who really cared for you.

I feel like it went right in one ear and out the other. She bought me Starbucks to make up for her crappy behavior, like that solves it and continued to call me a pentname she used to when I told her To stop. She said she would call me about something she needs help with and I said yeah sure see ya sometime don't bother. Kept playing some dumb song in the car about "I gotta let you go... .if you loved me, you would chase me" is she for real?

I wish I could disconnect from her like eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. I keep coming back for abuse because I feel sorry for her. Because I still care and don't want to see her mess her life over. Because, deep down, I wish she would come home and get therapy. 

When you get matter of fact and call a borderline out, does that deter them from contact and clinging? Or does it not phase them? Could it make her acting out worse? I'm afraid she will still try to come home to the house when her roommate kicks her out. She chose to stay here in florida where I'm from rather than move back to Oklahoma City where we moved here from over a year ago (to get away from her mom and have our own life) and she has no real friends or family here... .