Thanks- He was young and in a bad place in his life. Everyone including him, said I did help him very much. I straightened out his credit so he was able to buy a house, I helped him have confidence to be able to move up in his career. He cut back on drinking... .The only thing with this is he now has wrecked his credit, we sold the house, he is back to drinking more than ever and he isn't up for a promotion, first time in 8 years- didn't even make the list!
You did help him during his time of need. In my opinion, that speaks very loudly. That suggests that you are very altruistic, benevolent, kind, compassionate, and loving. Those are fantastic qualities and should be ones that you focus on as well as your co-dependent ones.
Showed me, you can't really "fix" them
You cannot fix anyone. Although it shows me that you can help people, but it is up to them to make the changes necessary to fix themselves. I understand how tough it is to see someone that you love and care about self-sabotage. I struggle watching my pwBPD self-sabotage. It was tough seeing him reverting to substances and self-destruction in order to cope. At the core of me, I am a helper. I had to let go of my need to help him. It made me feel that I let him down and sad that I could not do more. I got to a point where I accepted that it is up to him to make changes and I can only change myself. I started focusing on my helper qualities and started directing them elsewhere, like volunteering.
Helper qualities can be a facet of co-dependency or dependency and those qualities are inherent in many of us. Changing what we expect from helping someone is the key.
I have boundaries issues as well. I am working on all of these things... .I am making strides.
This is something to be proud of, understanding your 'flaws' and working on changing them. It is not easy to change.
I appreciate you telling me he loved me. It's just to see him tell someone else that so quickly on Facebook, makes me feel like it's not as much as I loved him. It's sad really. He is repeating the pattern, she chased him, just as I did. Only thing, I was his rock and she thinks he is hers... .he won't be able to keep that up for sure. I can only worry about me, but for some reason, I still worry about him.
It is understandable to think this way. Behavior tends to be a pattern. If he told you that he loved you very quickly, it is likely that he has told the new gf that. That does not mean that you meant nothing to him, it is just the way he seems to attach himself to someone very quickly. Although it may seem the same, it is really apples and oranges.
It is okay to worry and care about people, even though you are not with them. That is empathy and compassion, which is human nature. Taking care and worrying about yourself is most important.
