I just wanted to thank everyone here. My participation has been limited (a few posts), but the fact this place exists helped me get through my divorce. I finally got my decree, and it is officially over.
It took me a long time before I was able to identify what the hell was going on, that I was living with someone who was BPD. Once I was able to identify it, I was able to work through it (with lots of therapy and support of friends). Information like what can be found on this discussion group were invaluable. Your stories of your experiences were validating. I even picked up a book on divorcing someone with BPD that I found out about here. It allowed me to prepare for my case without losing everything. We settled in mediation, but there was some attempted sabotage of the process up until the decree was issued. If I had not learned from the information I found here, I could have been taken to the cleaners. My ex partner was out to destroy me.
Everything I read here was true. The abuse, the gaslighting, the kitchen sinking, the PR campaign to destroy my social life... .everything!
To get through this, I had to convince myself that every interaction with this person was a manipulation. Fair or not, I could not tell, so I had to assume the worst. As I started to come out of the FOG, it was easier and easier to identify these manipulations without just assuming. The entire thing is surreal. She has not even moved her stuff out yet, and she already has a replacement. This stuff is textbook.
I sought out a therapist who came highly recommended from multiple people who I know. This person helped me through this process, but more importantly, helped me identify my own part in this and my own codependent tendencies, so that I can work on myself. The new found independence and confidence feels amazing, and while I will always have things come up, I can identify them and address them when they do. I feel confident that I can have other relationships without bringing my own baggage into them.
My therapist asked me how I feel now that this is over, and my response was that I feel like I have left a cult. Everything seems so obvious now, but I was oblivious while I was in the thick of it. I truly feel free and am looking forward to the next chapter of my life, as well as paying off my legal debts
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If you are new to this board, just seeking out information. Not sure of which way is up, but knowing something is not right. Keep reading. Keep discussing. Seek out a therapist if you can afford it. You can get through this. It may be impossible to imagine the other side right now, but you do not have to think of the big picture yet. Baby steps is all it takes to keep moving forward. It will be a struggle. It will be painful, but eventually clarity will come, and then you will be on your way to freedom, which feels so much better.
Good luck everyone, and thank you.
