she keeps leaving

[trischolz]

Hi

I have recently been left (again) from my BPD ex. When she leaves its like a bulldozer. She is the happiest person in the world one day and within days she is miserable and I am the cause and the monster and I don't even recognize her. She has proposed to me numerous times, called me the best thing that ever happened to her over and over again just a week ago and then leaves me and our puppy behind. Says she will never look back and how much relief she will feel. And I dont hear from her for a month maybe and then in the past she has come back begging and the cycle begins again. This last time I really believed she wouldnt act up again but she proved me wrong and made me feel like a fool again. I am hurting so much and mostly just shocked. I assume she will be on an alcohol/drug/sex mission now like last times and then when shes on a come down she calls. Its so hurtful and she makes me out to be a monster when really I was working 2 jobs so she didnt have to work at all and everything she wanted, I would support or make happen just to keep her happy and then I get blamed for being controlling and say she can't see her friends bla bla when I am always encouraging her to get in contact. I don't know if she will come back again. She says she won't but she has said this many times before. I don't really know what to do anymore. She is embarressing me and all my family and friends say she is sick and a devil for the things she has done to me. But I always felt like I was helping her and felt there was more to her and believed her every time. What do I do? I can't contact her because shes decided to block me on everything. But that is okay, I dont really have anything new to say to her. I know I have to work on me but it hurts my heart thinking about who she was and who she then suddenly turns into. She was left by her cheating dad and abused as a child. Noone knows about the abuse apart from me and I always encouraged her to get help for it as I know its eating her alive still fifteen years later... How do i get over this?

[saintgrey]

Remove her from your life mate at least for now, your not responsible for whatever happened to her and you should take care yourself first.