The Roar of Consciousness

[Depression = 72% of members]

For a long time now waking up from sleep has been ... .well traumatic.

Imagine yourself standing in a small tunnel.  Your eyes are closed and you slowing being hearing a roaring sound behind you.  You turn and slowly open your eyes to a wall of fire quickly approaching you.  Then in an instant it crashes over you and you are engulfed by the fire.

This is what it feels like to wake up for me, especially after having a dream with my ex in it.  Slowly coming to consciousness I can almost hear the pain and emotions coming.  When they finally fill my body I am fully awake.  It is not only a mental sensation but also a physical one as I feel the anxiety take over my body again.  

I'm tired of feeling like this and I know it is quite unhealthy physically as well.  It is a sensation I experienced often during my relationship with my ex and now it continues to haunt me more than 3 months later.

Anyone else experience this and if so, how did you manage it?

[C.Stein]

For a long time now waking up from sleep has been ... .well traumatic.

Imagine yourself standing in a small tunnel.  Your eyes are closed and you slowing being hearing a roaring sound behind you.  You turn and slowly open your eyes to a wall of fire quickly approaching you.  Then in an instant it crashes over you and you are engulfed by the fire.

This is what it feels like to wake up for me, especially after having a dream with my ex in it.  Slowly coming to consciousness I can almost hear the pain and emotions coming.  When they finally fill my body I am fully awake.  It is not only a mental sensation but also a physical one as I feel the anxiety take over my body again.  

I'm tired of feeling like this and I know it is quite unhealthy physically as well.  It is a sensation I experienced often during my relationship with my ex and now it continues to haunt me more than 3 months later.

Anyone else experience this and if so, how did you manage it?

[Confused?]

Time. I had nightmares of my ex. I had nightmares without her in them of me literally dying in them. I actually woke myself up screaming as I fell into a black hole into nothingness. It seems like it's almost a withdrawl symptom. Your body and mind craving what you once had. The hardest part for me was nighttime easily. The anxiety of her not being there and nightmares were very painful. I would wake up in the middle of the night to see if she texted. This lasted a good couple months. I was a walking zombie. I drank a lot. Then I finally said what am I doing? Started to work on myself. And the nightmares went away. I still think about her. I don't dream about her. I wish her well. But the attachment to her nearly killed me during and short after the relationship. I don't ever want to go through that again.

[C.Stein]

But the attachment to her nearly killed me during and short after the relationship. I don't ever want to go through that again.

Yes indeed.  My relationship with the ex has had a profound impact on me mentally and physically.  When you start manifesting symptoms of stroke and heart attack from the anxiety and stress then something has got to give.  I was a much different person when we first met than I am at this moment.

I wish I would have had the strength to walk away the first time she dumped me, which was about 3 months into our 2 year relationship.  She had already put me through the emotional wringer by that time and the BPD traits were in full glory.   I choose to ignore all the flags that were waving in my face because I was too far gone in love with her.  Quite ashamed of myself even if I have never been the "dumper".

[MSNYC]

These breakups are so traumatic. The last month or so of the relationship, before I decided to end things, I found myself having anxiety attacks and suicidal thoughts. Prior this this phase of our relationship, in my life in general, I am a pretty cheery person. This was brand new for me. The physical effects are real.

[hashtag_loyal]

The only dream I've had that involved my ex, when I realized in the dream that we were back together, I literally woke up terrified!

I think I am very lucky that I don't miss my ex at all anymore.

[C.Stein]

I think I am very lucky that I don't miss my ex at all anymore.

I wish that day would come sooner rather than later for me.  My problem is she was generally a wonderful person to be around and it is hard to forget that and even harder to not miss it.

[Climbmountains91]

I have dreams about my ex nearly every night. I wouldn't say there nightmares (well they kind of are with him in them) ! But it affects my day, brings a lot of emotions back when I just think I'm starting over. Wish we could control our dreams.

[C.Stein]

I haven't really had that many dreams of her since the discard that I can remember and I don't have nightmares ... .maybe occasionally bad dreams.  

Weird thing is when she does make an appearance in my dreams (like today), it's not "her" but I know it IS her. Does that make any sense at all?