Over 9 weeK NC had my first date

[StandingTall]

9 weeks later after getting my engagement ring back and being ghosted, i went on my first date. My take aways were it was so calm, i laughed, talked, listened and had zero judgement about my likes an dislikes... .I didnt look at her as if she was a god, he'll i didnt care if she walked out... .but I didn't think of my x at all... .after the date I compared my first date with my x to her and realized I was being played from day one... .Noone can be so similar to me that the enjoyall the same thing as me especially, differences are healthy... .this post is for everyone out there that thinks they won't feel like dating or going out talking to people... .I was one of them... .if u just be yourself and have zero expectations i promise you, that everything will work out ... .the hardest part in my break up was the addiction she made me believe in, but when u remove yourself from the need to be someone and make it a choice you can see that you actually don't need anyone to be happy... .my date was good but my mind set is the reason. Why ... .I'm excited for the future and realize i dont have control of what will come but i know looking back that my unstableparents partner and unsustainable   relationship  was always doomed to fail... .treat yourself like you did your partner become an addict of self improvement... .there is a finish line in the game of life and wE want to work at getting there by being the best version of ourselves... .keep the negative out and push forward through positive progress... .I posted about living on the edge of a knife blade... .I now longer have that stress in my life... .God bless everyone to JRT mutt and a few others time really does help... .the pain doesn't last forever so take the love and put  it into yourself because we all deserve to have someone love us the way we loved them so why not start by making it about us.

Thank you

[cloudten]

I love this... .it makes me so happy for you! for all of us! i love your "addict of self improvement."  I fought it for a while but am at the point where I am starting to realize that is precisely what needs to be done!

Thank you for your insight!  Congratulations!

[StandingTall]

I am glad that you enjoyed my post... .becoming addicted to self improvement is a success story, Noone has the formula but letting go of our ego an pride and realizing help is out there and personal growth is gained through perspective... .Noone is perfect and we have to accept responsibility with our flaws but the single biggest step in knowing we are going to be ok is realizing love is about letting go of all control an accepting the outcome, pain hurt, comfort or whatever else comes our way... .we have the ability to love and the ability to forgive x BPDs as well as our selves for the feelings of demise pitty painan everything else we felt... .but we forgive ourselves accept responsibility an adapt to  a mindset of self improvement by letting go of control and focus on our true selves.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

I love this... .it makes me so happy for you! for all of us! i love your "addict of self improvement."  I fought it for a while but am at the point where I am starting to realize that is precisely what needs to be done!

Thank you for your insight!  Congratulations!

This gives me so much hope. I am single and lonely at the moment. I am trying to better myself and I know that eventually we will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for posting this !

[StandingTall]

The light at the end of the tunnel was your break up... .Now it is up to you to proceed into the light, being lonely sucks but there was a time before him/her that you didnt  feel lonely you were just being yourself-- they take that from you now you have the chance to be a better you and a find a better partner-- its ok to be rusty in the dating game just be honest with them when asked but keep it short about the past xBPD--- walking the lonely road only brings you closer to your final destination.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

The light at the end of the tunnel was your break up... .Now it is up to you to proceed into the light, being lonely sucks but there was a time before him/her that you didnt  feel lonely you were just being yourself-- they take that from you now you have the chance to be a better you and a find a better partner-- its ok to be rusty in the dating game just be honest with them when asked but keep it short about the past xBPD--- walking the lonely road only brings you closer to your final destination.

Agreed. I have found out through reading that I am codependent. I fixing that first before I go Dating. But it's good to hear you are doing good. Cheers

[cloudten]

I had a very wise friend tell me I am text book co-dependent. My therapist doesn't believe in co-dependency (hmm). But I am starting to believe that I do have serious issues with co-dependency. What are you doing to work on yours @Notsurewhattothinkofthis?

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

I had a very wise friend tell me I am text book co-dependent. My therapist doesn't believe in co-dependency (hmm). But I am starting to believe that I do have serious issues with co-dependency. What are you doing to work on yours @Notsurewhattothinkofthis?

Hi cloud,

I am doing stuff on my own now.  Before I had to do everything and anything with someone else to have fun, now I am doing that by myself. I go to the movies, go for runs, go on a Photo taking walks, and doing stuff ALONE and get used to that. If friends call me to go do something fine if not it is ok because I can entertain myself doing whatever.

In addition, I am currently reading a book called “The Human Magnet Syndrome" by Ross Rosenberg. Fantastic Book. Ross's book have shown me why I am codependent and also teaches the origins of Codependency. Ross's book gives us why we are attracted to certain personality types and gives a visual chart that he calls the Continuum of self Theory. That Chart says how and why codependent people are attracted to Narcissistic Individuals. I think it very interesting. I believe the reason I dated and was interested in my ex is/was due to my codependency issues.

Next week I am buying "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. The book has great reviews on Amazon. Just Google it too. There is tons of stuff about Codependency on the Internet as well

See my response to hashtag_loyal on the link below for more info.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=285723.30