Hello

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Hello! I am the 50-year-old child of a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. For many years, I thought that my mother hated me because I am gay, and then because I have curly hair, because one of my eyes cross, because I can't dance... .you've probably heard most of them. And until very recently, I didn't even start looking at forums on this subject. The moment I did, I began to feel better.

Reading other people's stories about how their mother (in my case) brutalized them as children left me going "yep, uh ha" because, it's all just so normal in my world. But the reality is, it shouldn't be normal for a child to have to babysit a parent and be physically and mentally abused by them until the day they turn 18. In my case, at 12:01 am on my birthday, my mother knocked on the door and said "Happy Birthday, are you packed?" and then walked me with no luggage or bags out of my bedroom, in my pajamas, to my car and told me to go live with someone else. I slept in my car that night.

I know that we are supposed to have compassion for people with this disorder but right now I just feel hurt, angry and alone. I found out recently that she disowned me, finding this information online of all places. I need help. I need support from others who have gone through this.

Thanks everyone.

[broken-nose]

Hello! I am the 50-year-old child of a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. For many years, I thought that my mother hated me because I am gay, and then because I have curly hair, because one of my eyes cross, because I can't dance... .you've probably heard most of them. And until very recently, I didn't even start looking at forums on this subject. The moment I did, I began to feel better.

Reading other people's stories about how their mother (in my case) brutalized them as children left me going "yep, uh ha" because, it's all just so normal in my world. But the reality is, it shouldn't be normal for a child to have to babysit a parent and be physically and mentally abused by them until the day they turn 18. In my case, at 12:01 am on my birthday, my mother knocked on the door and said "Happy Birthday, are you packed?" and then walked me with no luggage or bags out of my bedroom, in my pajamas, to my car and told me to go live with someone else. I slept in my car that night.

I know that we are supposed to have compassion for people with this disorder but right now I just feel hurt, angry and alone. I found out recently that she disowned me, finding this information online of all places. I need help. I need support from others who have gone through this.

Thanks everyone.

[Panda39]

In my case, at 12:01 am on my birthday, my mother knocked on the door and said "Happy Birthday, are you packed?" and then walked me with no luggage or bags out of my bedroom, in my pajamas, to my car and told me to go live with someone else. I slept in my car that night.

Hi broken-nose,

Welcome to the BPD Family

All I can say about your 18th Birthday is wow... .just wow.  As a mom that breaks my heart.   I'm glad you've found us and have begun to post.  It's no wonder you feel hurt and angry but you are no longer alone. 

You have us   

We are all dealing with a pwBPD in our lives and it's often eerie how common everyone's stories are.  You are in good company.  I come at BPD from a slightly different angle I am dating a man with an uBPDxw (undiagnosed BPD ex wife) and 2 daughters.  I often come to this board to get an idea of what my SO's daughters are having to navigate so I'm not in your shoes exactly but do try to understand and be supportive. 

I know others will be here to greet you soon.  In the meantime I wanted to point out the box to the right --> Everything is a link to more information you might want to start in the "Lessons" section and read more when you have time. 

We also have a board with book reviews that you might want to visit for more reading suggestions.

Again I'm glad you've joined us I know you will find support, knowledge, tools and ideas among the members here.

Panda 39

[HappyChappy]

I know that we are supposed to have compassion for people with this disorder but right now I just feel hurt, angry and alone. I found out recently that she disowned me, finding this information on line of all places. I need help. I need support from others who have gone through this.

Hi broken-nose

Welcome to the forum, I’m not surprised you feel the way you do considering how your BPD treated you. But the good news is I felt the same way, but with help from this site and some Therapy I no long do. My BPD was also physically abusive. It might interest you that there’s credible research to show a very high percentage (i.e. statistically significant) of gay men experience physical violence of some type in their childhood.

The first thing I wanted to reassure you about is that the examples of abusive  behaviour you gave, probably had little or nothing to do with you as a child. Hence why we scrabble around for reasons to explain it. A BPD will always find a way to manipulate, it’s hard-wired, they just put us in no win scenarios simply to manipulate us. So the disowning thing, sounds like A typical BPD waif behaviour. This is designed to get attention via sympathy, and to lure you back via guilt using the F.O.G. (Fear Obligation and Guilt) dynamic . The pyjama story, again is the double bluff. So by pushing a child away ,then anticipate you’ll come crawling back. The irony is a BPD fear rejection above all else, so age 18 your BPD was probably scared stiff you might leave (especially if you have a car) and hence this audacious double bluff. Our BPD stood with empty suitcase on the road waiting for a taxi she never rang for, a number of times. So it’s no you. I say this because a normal mother would have “unconditional love” hence what you describe just isn't normally behaviour from your mom, and that isn't down to you.

Welcome 

HC