120 days NC: it gets way better. A message of hope

[hopealways]

My friends, here is a post about hope.

4 months ago I remained devastated like all of you. After a 3.5 year relationship with an uBPD girl who made my life hell when all I did was love and care for her.  I have seen people here come and go. There was one named Ironmanfalls who was so distraught we didn't think he could make it but he did and changed his profile to Ironmanrises and healed and left.  He was my inspiration, as are all of you.

I finally went true NC and she did not attempt to recycle this time as she had 20x prior. In a way I was disappointed that she let me finally go, but it was a blessing.

Days were rough: every one of them. I would sit in my yard, alone, a shell of my former self, wondering if I would ever see her. I bought every book about the disorder. Read every article. I had no motivation for life.  Didn't understand the purpose of every day.  Everything was grey. Until 2 weeks ago. One morning I woke up and the fog had just lifted. It just happened like that. And every day since then I have felt so much better.

Tomorrow will be exactly 120 days since last contact. Today I thought I saw her with another guy in her car. Not sure it was her but my heart did sink for about 10 minutes.  But guess what, I was okay after, and the fact that I recovered gave me hope! I survived the hardest relationship anyone can ever have: that with a Borderline.  If we can survive this we can survive anything.

3 years ago I could not imagine going NC so long. But it's the only hope for getting your life back. And the new life is waaaayyy better than the old. Please stick to it. There are no happy endings with Borderlines folks, they are severely disordered.  Even psychiatrists don't know what to do.  The best they can do is take a little edge off them but they will never provide you with a loving and harmonious relationship.

[Hopeful83]

 

Just wanted to say this is marvellous news and well done for making it through the fog. It's a long and difficult journey, so I really do admire everyone on here. The fact we've made it to the board and stick around tells me that we really want to use our 'pain' as the opportunity to work on ourselves and transform it into something more hopeful.

[luckycharm224]

Congratulations.

I wish I could go NC but I have a 21 month old son with my BPD ex girlfriend. And have to see her at least 4 days a week and it is killing me. I haven't done an introduction yet, I've just been reading posts every night to help me see the light. I know the End game with this disease is always pain so I'm trying to detach myself but having a child with a borderline is absolutely hell

[guy4caligirl]

I would like to share that after 5 years RS and a year and four months after the B/U , I went NC  100 days today , despite two attempts for her to reach me : A text for $ and an a recent conversation for an hour on the phone (cool collective ,and indifferent on my part ).

NC is the way if you can do it , and you have to in my opinion , you can't make a blind horse see .

When NC goes full blast you will feel in control of yourself and see sunshine again .

Time heals all wounds . We were created this way , you have the power in you to come out stronger .

Good luck .

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

That is awesome to hear. Good Job hopealways . I believe I will be feeling the same in about 3 more months. I Can't wait !

[Someguywrote]

I have a 21 month old son with my BPD ex girlfriend. And have to see her at least 4 days a week

Is there anything within your control to reduce contact?

I share two kids with my ex, and after the break up I thought I had to see her nearly everyday as well. I spent some time thinking about my options and arranged things so that I only see her once a week now. It's made things so much easier.

Tbh, I was holding onto seeing her everyday just so I could be around her. If she was with me, it meant she wasn't with someone else... .but it wasn't conducive to my healing process. My kids live with me now and spend one night a week with her. We both agreed this was best.

I hope you find a way to reduce contact.

[joel6242]

Thank you very much. I am trying to do stay NC and I am on my forth day. All I can say is today is better than yesterday.

[luckycharm224]

There isn't, and I'm sure I'm a little to blame for today because I'm not over my situation. I know I need to heal, I know I have to be less co dependant on us, but when you have a family it's very hard to come to those terms , especially when the other person isn't logical and has this disorder. Some days I feel strong like I've got this, Then BAM... .Missing her like crazy. Especially on my weekends with my son. My mind just  wanders

[hopealways]

Glad to hear of your progresses and acceptance that NC is the only way to go.

It feels bittersweet to be alone today, exactly 4 months since I was finally discarded.  But it is a testament to the triumph of the will. And I know it will get even better.

[butterfly15]

I am on NC for about 2 weeks now. He has recycled me in the past. However, last time we were together something was just different, a bit off? He stopped contacting me first and hasn't since. This is the longest time we have gone without communicating. I am sad but know deep down that this is probably a huge blessing. I tell myself he will never change or get better without seeking any type of help. He will continue his path of destruction with others and will always feel empty and alone.

[cloudten]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am currently on week 6- after a 3 year volatile relationship. I have sort of had set backs this week and am miserable. I miss him so much. I know it will come and go- but I am waiting and waiting and waiting for that day where I wake up and its all over. It seems like timing is different for everyone... .but right now I feel like I will have this black cloud over me forever.

[butterfly15]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am currently on week 6- after a 3 year volatile relationship. I have sort of had set backs this week and am miserable. I miss him so much. I know it will come and go- but I am waiting and waiting and waiting for that day where I wake up and its all over. It seems like timing is different for everyone... .but right now I feel like I will have this black cloud over me forever.

I felt like this for almost the last 2 weeks until I found this board.

[cloudten]

Thank you for sharing your story. I am currently on week 6- after a 3 year volatile relationship. I have sort of had set backs this week and am miserable. I miss him so much. I know it will come and go- but I am waiting and waiting and waiting for that day where I wake up and its all over. It seems like timing is different for everyone... .but right now I feel like I will have this black cloud over me forever.

I felt like this for almost the last 2 weeks until I found this board.

This board is so wonderful. It went with me through 2 or so recycles. I learned so much... .but ultimately his BPD got worse and we crashed and burned. But keep reading and posting. it helps so much.

[hopealways]

The day WILL come where you wake up and it's all over. The FOG is gone. But like with everything in life there are days when you will feel down and miss the ex, the good times, the memories.  These relationships never turn out the way we wanted them to, but sometimes just because we want something a certain way does not mean that's what's best for us.  Don't resist the universe, let things and time play itself out as there is a greater and brighter plan for us all out there.

[homefree]

I like your belief that if we can get through the devastation of a BPD breakup/cycling, it's like surviving the climb to everest. Every other relationship will seem so much more sane and easier to deal with (assuming you fix problems in yourself as a result).

I'm optimistic that the future could be very happy. I just have to keep putting a step in front of the other. "It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop".

These are early days for me, but every so often light comes through the clouds and I can see hope, and the possibility for something even better than the sweet illusion I'm currently wanting to go back to.