Male or Female? Were you the one to leave or were they?

[groundbreaker]

So I've been reading these boards for a long time, I feel that there is a larger percent of males affected by a BPD ex.

[groundbreaker]

You know what I've been a bit narrow sighted. I should rephrase my previous post but I can't edit it now.

I should say I see a majority of BPDs seem to be female on these forums. I did not mean to imply hetero relationships only.

[enlighten me]

I have two uBPD exs

My ex wife left me and I left my exgf.

[goateeki]

I hope that this doesn't turn into a female bashing thing, because the best people I know happen to be female and my girlfriend is a completely admirable person, but I think that studies bear out that there is either (1) a higher percentage of females affected by BPD than males or (2) in males, we characterize the same set of traits as psychopathy, and the quantity of psychopathic males might be similar to the quantity of BPD females.  

This is an interesting issue, to be sure.  I believe now (and had not believed) that the signals sent to females during their entire lives are different from the signals sent to males.  I've only recently become aware that many, may women fear aging while I don't think I've ever met a male who was upset by aging unless it it had some kind of practical implication, like being unable to get up on a roof to clean the gutters.

Maybe this accounts for part of what develops into BPD in women. If females are constantly sent the signal that they have a shelf life and are in some sense disposable -- they lose something with age -- while males gain something (wisdom, power, wealth) with age, we probably have a setup for something like BPD.    

[groundbreaker]

I hope that this doesn't turn into a female bashing thing, because the best people I know happen to be female and my girlfriend is a completely admirable person, but I think that studies bear out that there is either (1) a higher percentage of females affected by BPD than males or (2) in males, we characterize the same set of traits as psychopathy, and the quantity of psychopathic males might be similar to the quantity of BPD females.  

This is an interesting issue, to be sure.  I believe now (and had not believed) that the signals sent to females during their entire lives are different from the signals sent to males.  I've only recently become aware that many, may women fear aging while I don't think I've ever met a male who was upset by aging unless it it had some kind of practical implication, like being unable to get up on a roof to clean the gutters.

Maybe this accounts for part of what develops into BPD in women. If females are constantly sent the signal that they have a shelf life and are in some sense disposable -- they lose something with age -- while males gain something (wisdom, power, wealth) with age, we probably have a setup for something like BPD.    

My intention isn't about bashing. I do believe you hit on something with the predisposed roles women play. This is more of a research query than anything. I've come to similar conclusions about this.

I almost think men that suffer from BPD are probably more NPD because of the same but opposite role boys/men are suppose to portray through life.

[goateeki]

I hope that this doesn't turn into a female bashing thing, because the best people I know happen to be female and my girlfriend is a completely admirable person, but I think that studies bear out that there is either (1) a higher percentage of females affected by BPD than males or (2) in males, we characterize the same set of traits as psychopathy, and the quantity of psychopathic males might be similar to the quantity of BPD females.  

This is an interesting issue, to be sure.  I believe now (and had not believed) that the signals sent to females during their entire lives are different from the signals sent to males.  I've only recently become aware that many, may women fear aging while I don't think I've ever met a male who was upset by aging unless it it had some kind of practical implication, like being unable to get up on a roof to clean the gutters.

Maybe this accounts for part of what develops into BPD in women. If females are constantly sent the signal that they have a shelf life and are in some sense disposable -- they lose something with age -- while males gain something (wisdom, power, wealth) with age, we probably have a setup for something like BPD.    

My intention isn't about bashing. I do believe you hit on something with the predisposed roles women play. This is more of a research query than anything. I've come to similar conclusions about this.

I almost think men that suffer from BPD are probably more NPD because of the same but opposite role boys/men are suppose to portray through life.

Agree, and didn't think you were bashing anyone.  I said that preemptively so that the discussion didn't take a wrong turn, either in people viewing it as a forum to bash women or in having to correct an impression that that's what the poll is for. 

It's an interesting question that you raise, though, and it is a real area of research.

[juniorswailing]

My ex is a woman.

She left but I like to think I manufactured the situation where she thought it was her decision.

[hashtag_loyal]

I hope that this doesn't turn into a female bashing thing, because the best people I know happen to be female and my girlfriend is a completely admirable person, but I think that studies bear out that there is either (1) a higher percentage of females affected by BPD than males or (2) in males, we characterize the same set of traits as psychopathy, and the quantity of psychopathic males might be similar to the quantity of BPD females.  

I read somewhere that 75% of those receiving BPD dx are female, but that the true rates of the disorder are closer to 50/50. It was hypothesized that gender stereotypes would lead to male BPDs being more likely to be dx as NPD or ASPD given similar symptoms.

This is an interesting issue, to be sure.  I believe now (and had not believed) that the signals sent to females during their entire lives are different from the signals sent to males.  I've only recently become aware that many, may women fear aging while I don't think I've ever met a male who was upset by aging unless it it had some kind of practical implication, like being unable to get up on a roof to clean the gutters.

Maybe this accounts for part of what develops into BPD in women. If females are constantly sent the signal that they have a shelf life and are in some sense disposable -- they lose something with age -- while males gain something (wisdom, power, wealth) with age, we probably have a setup for something like BPD.    

I do believe that aging can lead to anxiety in some and not others, and it may certainly affect the two sexes disproportionately considering the different biological clock lengths, but I don't think that this contributes to BPD. Everything I have read suggests that BPD presents itself by early adulthood, and may actually improve with age. My dBPDxgf is in her early 20s and has been in therapy (and wrecking the lives of men) since she was a teenager, so I am sure my personal experience affects my perspective here.

[groundbreaker]

I hope that this doesn't turn into a female bashing thing, because the best people I know happen to be female and my girlfriend is a completely admirable person, but I think that studies bear out that there is either (1) a higher percentage of females affected by BPD than males or (2) in males, we characterize the same set of traits as psychopathy, and the quantity of psychopathic males might be similar to the quantity of BPD females.  

I read somewhere that 75% of those receiving BPD dx are female, but that the true rates of the disorder are closer to 50/50. It was hypothesized that gender stereotypes would lead to male BPDs being more likely to be dx as NPD or ASPD given similar symptoms.

This is an interesting issue, to be sure.  I believe now (and had not believed) that the signals sent to females during their entire lives are different from the signals sent to males.  I've only recently become aware that many, may women fear aging while I don't think I've ever met a male who was upset by aging unless it it had some kind of practical implication, like being unable to get up on a roof to clean the gutters.

Maybe this accounts for part of what develops into BPD in women. If females are constantly sent the signal that they have a shelf life and are in some sense disposable -- they lose something with age -- while males gain something (wisdom, power, wealth) with age, we probably have a setup for something like BPD.    

I do believe that aging can lead to anxiety in some and not others, and it may certainly affect the two sexes disproportionately considering the different biological clock lengths, but I don't think that this contributes to BPD. Everything I have read suggests that BPD presents itself by early adulthood, and may actually improve with age. My dBPDxgf is in her early 20s and has been in therapy (and wrecking the lives of men) since she was a teenager, so I am sure my personal experience affects my perspective here.

There is evidence that it gets worse and improves with age.

In which when I think about it, really burns me a bit. I spent 5 years getting beat down by it and it ultimately changed who I was in the relationship and I did things not knowing about BPD. After being discarded I hate the fact she may become a better functioning person and I was merely unintentionally used for her to get better.

All I ever wanted was to be by her side regardless of the problems, but I've been painted black and the replacement didn't take long. (Even though their relationship is pretty messed up.)