Daughter is acting out

[penny52]

I am so upset right now, my adult daughter is 27 with two kids 3 & 6, has left her boyfriend of 5 years and in she has been cheating on him for at least a month. I told her If she wasn't getting along with her boyfriend, to just leave. But because she has to act out when something like this happens she turned him in for child abuse, I don't believe it's true, but neither one of them are the greatest parents. So last night she comes over to my house dropped off some furniture and stuff in my garage with her boyfriend, the new one, and goes to stay at a motel. I told her she could stay here but there would be rules like getting a job and keeping the house clean. I know this sounds A bit disjointed I'm sure others can relate to my confusion and sadness right now, I don't even know how to tell the whole story of what's been happening for the last few months, to tell you the truth there's so much lying and manipulation that I'm not even sure what's true. I guess I'm on here because I just need to vent, my husband passed away 5 years ago and I hate calling people and telling them about this, I feel like I'm projecting my problems on to them. thanks for listening, on Monday I'm going to contact therapist so I don't feel so overwhelmed I just wish I could get some help for her and for her boyfriend she left.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[SoSoSoTired]

Go ahead and vent here.   We understand.

My BPD daughter is also unable to peacefully exit a relationship.  She chooses a "nuclear option" to destroy other people as she leaves relationships.  She's made numerous false accusations of rape and beatings when she's left boyfriends.

These two books helped me and could help you.   

www.amazon.com/When-Hope-Not-Enough-Dobbs/dp/1435719190 

www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451757189&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=codependent+and+BPD

[penny52]

Thank you, I will read these, I need to get a handle on this.

[livednlearned]

Hi penny52,

I'm glad you found the site, and I would be confused, sad, and upset, too -- your grandchildren must be feeling the same way I imagine. Do you see them often? Do they seem to be doing ok? Is your daughter diagnosed with BPD? I'm so sorry you are dealing with this alone and hope we can help lighten the load just a little by walking with you.

I'm going to contact therapist so I don't feel so overwhelmed

This is a really good idea. A therapist can help you identify healthy boundaries when there is so much confusion in play. It sounds like you are already in the habit of asserting boundaries (requiring D27 to get a job and keep things clean) and that will help a lot going forward.

Child protective services or whatever it's called in your state has a protocol to try and determine what is going on. Can you let yourself set down the burden of trying to figure out what's going on and focus on what concerns you most, perhaps how the grandchildren are doing or your own health?

[penny52]

Thank you for listening,  she hasn't been diagnosed yet, she is a pretty good mom, but she always has had someone to take care of her, she hasn't had a job since she was 20. Right now she staying with a kind lady who has a 4 bedroom home, I think I'm going to stay out of that situation for now. I did see the gds briefly the night she left her bf (Jan 1st) they were excited about staying in a motel and to be going swimming, I saw my daughter yesterday, she dropped off her dog and a rabbit , she was with her new bf. So i have been doing a bit reading on site regarding all the great and loving advice that everyones shares, getting a handle on all this, it is helping... .