Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
June 16, 2024, 05:12:48 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Kells76, Once Removed, Turkish
Senior Ambassadors: EyesUp, SinisterComplex
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Survey: How do you compare?
Adult Children Sensitivity
67% are highly sensitive
Romantic Break-ups
73% have five or more recycles
Physical Hitting
66% of members were hit
Depression Test
61% of members are moderate-severe
108
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: BPD scared a diagnosis means we'll never be able to adopt  (Read 354 times)
RedPixie

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 26


« on: December 23, 2015, 09:59:19 AM »



heya

my UpwBPD is back tracking, he agreed to get an assessment by a private psychologist the last time he accidently hurt me.

things have been so much better since he acknowledged there could be a MH issue with him

we have had some terribly sad times together in our past.today marks the 5 year anniversary of our twins premature birth.

today he told me he'd read somewhere that we'd be unlikely to be able to adopt if he got a MH diagnosis,

i'm devastated ,  I feel like he's running away from a diagnosis - but at the same time I don't want him to never have children. 

he is such a wonderful man - children adore him - he adores them ... .

does anyone know anything about this or have any experience to share ? (we are in the UK)

Logged
PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES
This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

HurtinNW
*****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 665


« Reply #1 on: December 23, 2015, 09:45:59 PM »

I adopted from foster care in the states. A counselor or psychologist is confidential. He can talk to the therapist about this very issue. During the adoption process you complete what is called a homestudy. They will ask you about any therapy. LOTS of people go to therapy! In fact it is recommended for adoptive parents. He can be honest he is going to therapy, and consult with his counselor about what to disclose. He shouldn't be dishonest, but neither does he have to tell them everything. If the focus of therapy is to improve your relationship he can tell them that. That's a good thing!

There are people with MH diagnosis that adopt. It all depends on the agency and the diagnosis. If you want to adopt overseas that really limits you, because many countries have strict policies on that. But other agencies look at the whole family unit, how it functions, and his skills as a parent. It may be he will not be dx BPD because that is a pretty high fence to jump. Maybe he would be dx as adjustment disorder, which is very common. I'd tell him that he can talk about this with the therapist.
Logged
babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920



« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2015, 08:55:02 AM »

Hi RedPixiie,

I noticed this in what you wrote and went and looked at your older posts.   

my UpwBPD is back tracking, he agreed to get an assessment by a private psychologist the last time he accidently hurt me.

I didn't notice more information than what you provided here but maybe I missed it.    Do you mind if I ask how you feel about this?    Do you think that maybe a boundary would be helpful here?    It does seem to me that if you were hurt, even accidently, there should be some appropriate reaction to that.

'ducks
Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
RedPixie

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 26


« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2015, 05:01:51 PM »

I feel deflated. When i expressed my concern that he may suffer from an emotional disorder during a rage, he hit the glove box flap in the car repeatedly hurting my legs underneath. After he calmed down,   he took it on board. I asked him to see a private specialist,  he agreed... asked if I'd go with him. He cried and apologised and things have been about 20% better.

He started showing signs of being interested in adoption again ( weve talked about it for 10+years) rather than the ivf medicated nightmare that i don't really think will work. And then it hit him, would he be able to adopt if he was diagnosed. He'd have to lie...

"Better to deal with this ourselves , I'm not really that bad?" ... .Argh !

Ive downloaded a DBT  book and it is full of the things i already do and have been trying to teach him for years,

How do i get him to go ?
Logged
babyducks
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Gay, lesb
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 2920



« Reply #4 on: December 27, 2015, 06:33:17 PM »

Hi RedPixie,

You might want to take a look at this link.   It's pretty helpful.

Getting a "Borderline" into Therapy

What the experts tell us is the best thing to do is to build trust.   By listening carefully to our loved one's fears. 

No one wants to admit to needing help.   I wouldn't.    Trying to convince someone by explaining or motivating them is usually not very successful.     That's why it is suggested the effort begins with the more mentally healthy stable partner.   The results come quicker and are easier to sustain.    Does that make sense?    That is why all the Lessons here are targeted for us.

It's a difficult thing,   you can create a boundary that says, seek help or I will X,  but the risk there is that any help will be handicapped by being 'forced' into it.   

take a look at the link and let us know what you think okay?

'ducks

Logged

What lies behind us and what lies ahead of us are tiny matters compared to what lives within us.
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2024?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2023 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
AskingWhy
At Bay
Cat Familiar
CoherentMoose
drained1996
EZEarache
Flora and Fauna
ForeverDad
Gemsforeyes
Goldcrest
Harri
healthfreedom4s
hope2727
khibomsis
Lemon Squeezy
Memorial Donation (4)
Methos
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
P.F.Change
Penumbra66
Red22
Rev
SamwizeGamgee
Skip
Swimmy55
Tartan Pants
Turkish
whirlpoollife



Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!