First post - feel may be at final breaking point in five year relationship

[northernlight]

I've been in a five year relationship with a man whom I'm now certain has BPD.  We have broken up dozens of times with mostly me running back after one to three days - particularly in the last two years.  THe last year has been sheer hell.  My relationship had emotional abuse from the beginning, extreme off the scale anger outburst/lash-outs/tantrums which included throwing things around, breaking things etc and verbal and physical abuse from a year in which increased hugely in severity over the last year. Since New Year's Day we have been agreeing the end.  This afternoon I'm going to see a therapist who was seeing my BPD partner for three months last year until my partner became increasingly angry about the process/relationship and quit.  I'm hoping for some advice as since I learnt about BPD/NPD I've been second guessing myself and the diagnosis continually  - a kind of denial - I'm hoping the therapist can help me, maybe support me to understand nothing can change it can only get worse, and that I'm right to end it. I am terrified that when I meet up with my BPD this evening, ostensibly to end it, I will be a basket case of anxiety, fear, guilt and pain within 24 hours and cave in as usual and run to track him down again to beg for kindness and respect.

By the way, not absolutely sure I'm on the right board.  I've been visiting this site for about a year, and thousands of others!, as I try to come to terms with all this but I've never posted or signed up anywhere before.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[livednlearned]

Hi northernlight,

Hello and welcome 

You're definitely on the right site. We have many different boards here depending on your goals for the relationship.

The Saving board is for members that believe their partner exhibits BPD traits or other impulse disorder and are now trying to understand what this means, and whether they should try to work on the relationship or abandon it. Understand the thought patterns of a BPD spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Learn relationship building and communication skills and strategies for personal growth.

This board is more focused on the skills that help stabilize you as you assess the relationship -- we look at solutions.

A relationship with a borderline requires a great deal of strength - the healthy partner must assume the role of emotional caretaker or emotional leader in the relationship. This requires strength, understanding, knowledge and patience. Self-care provides us strength, understanding connects us, knowledge guides the our behavior through which we affect others and determines what is perceived.

Many of us come to the board feeling irretrievably broken and this is the board where we focus on building up strength while simultaneously trying to apply new skills to the relationship.

Does that sound like what you want to do?

Leaving a relationship cold-turkey is a hard, hard thing to do, even if it's the best thing for you. I found the inability to make up my mind only undermined my confidence and made me feel even more victimized -- a bad place to be at a time I needed to become emotionally stronger.

We're here for you regardless of where you want to be. 

LnL