Question for those who were replaced

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I just had a rambling late night thought. Looking back at the end of your relationship, did you notice almost a strange calm before they left? Perhaps a spark of happiness in them, which made their departure even more confusing?

Reason being, two weeks before she left me (via phone, after 3 years), she came up by me and we spent a very nice weekend together. Talking, laughing, dinner. She even bought me a gift. The last night together she asked me to tuck her into bed, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. The next day she left and that was the last time I saw her in the flesh. Looking back, she did seem perfectly content and happy with me. Two weeks prior to that we did have a big argument which resulted in her leaving. Things calmed down after that, though, and we got back to talking as usual.

We talked all week as usual after she left. After Halloween night she became very distant and I didn't hear from her much. She left me the following Saturday.

I do remember though during that last weekend together that she was talking about my replacement a bit, but I trusted her that they were just friends so I didn't pry. I made a joke about him and she laughed hard, saying "I'm going to tell him that." Obviously, looking back, she was lining him up.

So, this goes back to my original question. Did you notice a strange sense of calm and happiness from him/her before they left? Almost as if they knew what was going to happen, and he/she was already finding infatuation and excitement with the replacement, which you translated as genuine happiness about your own relationship.

[burritoman]

I just had a rambling late night thought. Looking back at the end of your relationship, did you notice almost a strange calm before they left? Perhaps a spark of happiness in them, which made their departure even more confusing?

Reason being, two weeks before she left me (via phone, after 3 years), she came up by me and we spent a very nice weekend together. Talking, laughing, dinner. She even bought me a gift. The last night together she asked me to tuck her into bed, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. The next day she left and that was the last time I saw her in the flesh. Looking back, she did seem perfectly content and happy with me. Two weeks prior to that we did have a big argument which resulted in her leaving. Things calmed down after that, though, and we got back to talking as usual.

We talked all week as usual after she left. After Halloween night she became very distant and I didn't hear from her much. She left me the following Saturday.

I do remember though during that last weekend together that she was talking about my replacement a bit, but I trusted her that they were just friends so I didn't pry. I made a joke about him and she laughed hard, saying "I'm going to tell him that." Obviously, looking back, she was lining him up.

So, this goes back to my original question. Did you notice a strange sense of calm and happiness from him/her before they left? Almost as if they knew what was going to happen, and he/she was already finding infatuation and excitement with the replacement, which you translated as genuine happiness about your own relationship.

[blackbirdsong]

I just had a rambling late night thought. Looking back at the end of your relationship, did you notice almost a strange calm before they left? Perhaps a spark of happiness in them, which made their departure even more confusing?

Reason being, two weeks before she left me (via phone, after 3 years), she came up by me and we spent a very nice weekend together. Talking, laughing, dinner. She even bought me a gift. The last night together she asked me to tuck her into bed, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. The next day she left and that was the last time I saw her in the flesh. Looking back, she did seem perfectly content and happy with me. Two weeks prior to that we did have a big argument which resulted in her leaving. Things calmed down after that, though, and we got back to talking as usual.

We talked all week as usual after she left. After Halloween night she became very distant and I didn't hear from her much. She left me the following Saturday.

I do remember though during that last weekend together that she was talking about my replacement a bit, but I trusted her that they were just friends so I didn't pry. I made a joke about him and she laughed hard, saying "I'm going to tell him that." Obviously, looking back, she was lining him up.

So, this goes back to my original question. Did you notice a strange sense of calm and happiness from him/her before she left? Almost as if they knew what was going to happen, and he/she was already finding infatuation and excitement with the replacement, which you translated as genuine happiness about your own relationship.

I wasn't replaced, because I left - so (luckily?) cannot confirm this , but if your statement is true -   

Just by reading your post... .It sends shivers down my spine

[burritoman]

I just had a rambling late night thought. Looking back at the end of your relationship, did you notice almost a strange calm before they left? Perhaps a spark of happiness in them, which made their departure even more confusing?

Reason being, two weeks before she left me (via phone, after 3 years), she came up by me and we spent a very nice weekend together. Talking, laughing, dinner. She even bought me a gift. The last night together she asked me to tuck her into bed, and I gave her a kiss on the cheek. The next day she left and that was the last time I saw her in the flesh. Looking back, she did seem perfectly content and happy with me. Two weeks prior to that we did have a big argument which resulted in her leaving. Things calmed down after that, though, and we got back to talking as usual.

We talked all week as usual after she left. After Halloween night she became very distant and I didn't hear from her much. She left me the following Saturday.

I do remember though during that last weekend together that she was talking about my replacement a bit, but I trusted her that they were just friends so I didn't pry. I made a joke about him and she laughed hard, saying "I'm going to tell him that." Obviously, looking back, she was lining him up.

So, this goes back to my original question. Did you notice a strange sense of calm and happiness from him/her before she left? Almost as if they knew what was going to happen, and he/she was already finding infatuation and excitement with the replacement, which you translated as genuine happiness about your own relationship.

I wasn't replaced, because I left - so (luckily?) cannot confirm this , but if your statement is true -    

Just by reading your post... .It sends shivers down my spine

It may be a case of me looking too deeply for clues, but I think it's worth discussion. It is a terrifying notion for sure. Just like most everybody else, we were talking about the future right up until the end. In my case, up until that Halloween night. Even earlier THAT DAY we were talking as normal! She sent me photos of her Halloween costume. Things seemed perfectly normal. The next day she said she went out that night, and now was "sick with the MF flu," which then turned into "food poisoning," but then a couple days later was out at a friend's. I sent her a nice floral arrangement. You know, because she's my girlfriend and she's sick and I want to cheer her up! At the start of her "I need space" call, she said "you really didn't need to do that." Lies, lies, and more lies.

Now, here I am after almost 3 months NC without a peep out of her. I'm still paying to store her stuff (we had a shared storage unit, and probably 98% of it is hers), she still has up a "featured photo" of us on her Facebook page, she still "likes" my friends posts, and has not made this replacement arrangement public even though there's obviously something going on between them. So strange.

[Infern0]

When I was replaced she went distant for 2 weeks, acting very strangely, calling and texting me in a panicked state one minute, then the next being unreachable, I didn't see her for those two weeks. Just prior to this we had been discussing plans for moving in together (at her request)

My replacement was not idealized, it was all very odd, she told me she regretted it immediately but by then it was too late, their relationship was a complete disaster, as she cheated on him with me then returned to me very quickly, (within a couple of months) she said she didn't even consumate the relationship with him and actually did show me texts from him complaining about that fact. She told me that she was never attracted to him.

She ended it citing domestic abuse as the reason although to be honest i always doubted that was the case, I do think she abused and gaslit him into a rage but i don't think he hurt her tbh.

I couldn't understand why she was with him but she did later say that it was an attempt at self sabotage and to avoid being happy, which makes sense to me. What also makes sense to me was that he was well off financially, and she did milk that fact and got a lot of gifts out of him, she wants to be a high society type, strong streak of narcissism runs through her, obsessed with material possesions. What she did was use me as a weapon and a threat, he would have never felt comfortable as she had me on standby and let him know that.

It was weird all over tbh.

[Pretty Woman]

I had just thrown a huge birthday for mine. Looking back the party really triggered her.

I invited many of her exes (she has no friends and tauts the exes as friends) When we got off the elevator at the party all her exes were lined up in a row yelling "surprise"!

I can laugh at this now. Can you imagine being in her shoes? All her exes she lied about ALL in one room TALKING to each other, friending each other on FB .

I was like the hurricane that thrust poor Dorothy into Oz.

Seriously.  It wasn't intentional but looking back I can see things were likely brewing under the surface after that party. If I wasn't totally devaluated I was pretty darn close.

She never thanked me for the party but was sure to point out I wasn't kissing all over her at it. Well um... .there were lots of people there she hadn't seen in years... .I made this about her, not us. Plus my friend and I had been slaving for three days prior cooking all the food... .from scratch and decorating. This wasn't Chuck E Cheese... .this was a high end soiree in a Gold Coast condo overlooking the Chicago lakeshore.

Anyways she left me less than a month later for a girl in our meetup group... .a group I run. When she was dumping me she told me I was her best friend and the love of her life, that nothing would change other than she was dating someone else now. I had no say in anything.

Then she blocked me and that's that. Haven't seen her in eight months. I pretty much had to kill her off and our dog... .in my mind. I ended up adopting a new dog and that is working great. All I can do is focus on each new day and I am an extremely busy, social person so that helps!

PW

[UserName69]

I was the replacement, and from my experience I really got the impression that my exBPDgf couldn't wait to get rid of her exBF. Later she even confirmed it.

I could see a clear pattern in her behavior:

- When I met her she still had a RS with her exBF. She said that he ignores her and doesn't care about her.

- She used to cry a lot and play the victim card.

In the later stages of our RS I clearly could see that she was the one who was ignoring me and not caring about me. So she did lie about it she projected her behavior on her exBF.

The other strange thing she told me was on our first date, it was a couple hours after she broke up with him. She asked me if I could come and live with her    If I only knew about this disorder.

[Pretty Woman]

Double Edge,

   That is an interesting observation. My ex was still in contact with the ex before me. Later I found out this woman was in the process of moving here when I came into the picture. My ex would roll her eyes when this woman would call and say she was clingy and annoying yet less than a month later she is calling her asking how to fix my circuit breaker.

When I met my ex I was told this woman was a sex addict who she had a restraining order against. I was so infatuated with my ex I wasn't even seeing major red flags... .her opinion of people changed daily.

When she finally discarded me this last time I knew better than to keep the door open for her to string me along and hurt me, using me as leverage in her new relationship. For that she wrote me off completely. It did me a huge favor.

[UserName69]

When she finally discarded me this last time I knew better than to keep the door open for her to string me along and hurt me, using me as leverage in her new relationship. For that she wrote me off completely. It did me a huge favor.

It really looks like they keep us as a back-up in case they want to make the replacement jealous. Mine kept him on FB for a long period and after a couple weeks she removed him. Once she did she even announced it on Facebook, I really believe she did this once she was sure that she had me.

An another thing I noticed is that she was always afraid to get blocked by me on FB. After the first breakup I did block her and when we recycled she told me that it really did hurt her. Later when we had fights she was the one who blocked me. I really think that this is a part of her illness and it's about rejection. For her it was I rather reject him first before he rejects me so I don't have to suffer.

One time after a fight when she sliced her wrists open she called him for help and later she called me, not for help but to tell me that she called him when she did it. This is a perfect example of BPD logic.

[Penelope35]

I had just thrown a huge birthday for mine. Looking back the party really triggered her.

I invited many of her exes (she has no friends and tauts the exes as friends) When we got off the elevator at the party all her exes were lined up in a row yelling "surprise"!

I can laugh at this now. Can you imagine being in her shoes? All her exes she lied about ALL in one room TALKING to each other, friending each other on FB .

I was like the hurricane that thrust poor Dorothy into Oz.

Seriously.  It wasn't intentional but looking back I can see things were likely brewing under the surface after that party. If I wasn't totally devaluated I was pretty darn close.

Pretty woman this made me laugh! Thanks

[burritoman]

When she finally discarded me this last time I knew better than to keep the door open for her to string me along and hurt me, using me as leverage in her new relationship. For that she wrote me off completely. It did me a huge favor.

It really looks like they keep us as a back-up in case they want to make the replacement jealous. Mine kept him on FB for a long period and after a couple weeks she removed him. Once she did she even announced it on Facebook, I really believe she did this once she was sure that she had me.

An another thing I noticed is that she was always afraid to get blocked by me on FB. After the first breakup I did block her and when we recycled she told me that it really did hurt her. Later when we had fights she was the one who blocked me. I really think that this is a part of her illness and it's about rejection. For her it was I rather reject him first before he rejects me so I don't have to suffer.

One time after a fight when she sliced her wrists open she called him for help and later she called me, not for help but to tell me that she called him when she did it. This is a perfect example of BPD logic.

Some strange and interesting things happening here!

This Facebook activity is precisely what scares me about my situation. My ex is the type who does cut exes out of her life, friends & family too. Frankly, she has NOT done this with me, not even in the slightest. She's still liking things that my friends post, which is strange because these are the friends who I've been seeking comfort from since we broke up.

When I met her, her ex was already out of the picture on FB and only talked to him when he was bleeding his heart out to her (but then would turn nasty when she rejected him). She was idealizing me HARD and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Looking back, I was the replacement, but her ex was abusive and a bit of a narcissist, so I didn't think anything of him. I was the white knight!

And I'm getting the same vibe that Infern0 mentioned. It's obvious she's seeing this guy, but she's very clearly not idealizing him. She's changed her profile picture twice to a shot of them together, but she looks smug and cold. In any smily picture between them, her face is labored. Contrast that with pics of her and I early on and she's bright eyed, full of smiles and love. She announced to the world on Facebook that she "found a guy she really liked." This is what makes me worried that she's getting a temporary "fix" from the guy, and she's going to drop him hard and try to recycle with me.

*shiver*

[Rickybee]

Hi all, mate, word for word your first comment is exactly how my ex BPDgf behaved, everything seemed perfect, the day before I caught her cheating with her work friend she was talking about out future and saying lets have kids soon and get a mortgage instead of renting, we had a holiday booked, but I caught her... then she left me for him and they have been together 8 months not including the affair before I left the picture, I trusted my ex 100%, The levels of evil and how she conducted herself when I caught her was jaw dropping, she smirked and told me he is more of a man than ill ever be, how she lied and betrayed and suddenly changed into an evil stranger is beyond me, we were so happy living together looking forward to the future, her family loved me, everything was perfect, then bam... she shown no remorse and wanted to destroy me as well as breaking my heart and shattering our future... the very day I found out she was cheating was the same day she changed her fb profile pic to her and my replacement, status saying they are in a relationship... so many levels of shock confusion and utter disbelief... grief... anger... deep deep depression and loneliness whilst she is in love and happy with my better looking more wealthy replacement, her family love him, all I did was love her, I dd so much for her and stuck by her during all the madness and hurt she dealt me over the 4 years, there are no words... 8 months out and still hurting like a mofo... she has changed me forever... sorry felt the need to air that as I've been having a bad day, photos popping up on fb of them out surrounded by lots of fancy friends in a fancy restaurant looking ubber happy triggered me, very lonely I guess, gonna take quite soon time to heal I guess... .going back to your original point, yes my ex was super cuddles and loving in the week leading up to her betraying me, all her lies were said with such ease, she had a plan, she was coming home from work so so happy and nice to me and she also kept talking about my replacement//her friend at work, she was even whatsapping him and snapchat whilst in the same room with me, but insisted it was just a friend... i dread to think about the messages they shared because when I first met her she was emailing me very dirty pictures and I had just met her, she cheated on her current bf to be with me and got rid of him suddenly and without reason or logic when everything was going ok, I later found all this stuff out... she has a pattern and i'm one of many... anyway reading all you're posts they all ring true, how strange is it that most BPD's seem to conduct themselves in a similar manner

[burritoman]

Hi all, mate, word for word your first comment is exactly how my ex BPDgf behaved, everything seemed perfect, the day before I caught her cheating with her work friend she was talking about out future and saying lets have kids soon and get a mortgage instead of renting, we had a holiday booked, but I caught her... then she left me for him and they have been together 8 months not including the affair before I left the picture, I trusted my ex 100%, The levels of evil and how she conducted herself when I caught her was jaw dropping, she smirked and told me he is more of a man than ill ever be, how she lied and betrayed and suddenly changed into an evil stranger is beyond me, we were so happy living together looking forward to the future, her family loved me, everything was perfect, then bam... she shown no remorse and wanted to destroy me as well as breaking my heart and shattering our future... the very day I found out she was cheating was the same day she changed her fb profile pic to her and my replacement, status saying they are in a relationship... so many levels of shock confusion and utter disbelief... grief... anger... deep deep depression and loneliness whilst she is in love and happy with my better looking more wealthy replacement, her family love him, all I did was love her, I dd so much for her and stuck by her during all the madness and hurt she dealt me over the 4 years, there are no words... 8 months out and still hurting like a mofo... she has changed me forever... sorry felt the need to air that as I've been having a bad day, photos popping up on fb of them out surrounded by lots of fancy friends in a fancy restaurant looking ubber happy triggered me, very lonely I guess, gonna take quite soon time to heal I guess... .going back to your original point, yes my ex was super cuddles and loving in the week leading up to her betraying me, all her lies were said with such ease, she had a plan, she was coming home from work so so happy and nice to me and she also kept talking about my replacement//her friend at work, she was even whatsapping him and snapchat whilst in the same room with me, but insisted it was just a friend... i dread to think about the messages they shared because when I first met her she was emailing me very dirty pictures and I had just met her, she cheated on her current bf to be with me and got rid of him suddenly and without reason or logic when everything was going ok, I later found all this stuff out... she has a pattern and i'm one of many... anyway reading all you're posts they all ring true, how strange is it that most BPD's seem to conduct themselves in a similar manner

So sorry to hear this, man. Just know though that you aren't alone. I'm sure you've heard this before, but it would be wise to block her on FB. It can hold you back. When she broke up with me I went NC immediately, and stopped looking at her FB after a couple of days. It was hard, believe me, but before I knew it I had gone a month without looking at her stuff. Then about a month & a half later I noticed she changed her profile picture to her and this guy. Strangest picture too... .

I realized though that none of the information I got from looking at her page devastated me. It might have set me back a little bit, but because I hadn't looked for over a month I could handle it much better. That's when I realized that I'm still plastered all over her FB, she hasn't made this "relationship" public, and she certainly doesn't look happy. Now, I check her page to basically monitor her behavior, because my gut is telling me that a recycle attempt is coming. I'm only keeping her around as a friend on FB because like I said earlier I'm still storing her things, and until that situation resolves I don't want to spark any behavior from her. Once we're settled with that, she's gone.

So again, my recommendation is that you cut her out of your life completely. And yes, it's terrifying how they all seem to read from the same script... .

[Wantingtochange]

You had something about a strange calm. During one of our earlier break up cycles I experienced that also. We were doing fine and she was coming to stay most weekends. Then on a Sunday morning before she left, she gave me a long (Maybe 10 minute) hug. And it was the most intimate, passionate hug I've ever had in my life. That may sound strange and I cant explain it well. Years later I can still feel that hug.

Anyway we said our I love you's and goodbye's and she left for the two hour drive home. Then silence. No contact or communication from her. She refused to answer my calls or respond to texts. She left my house after that hug and drove straight back to her husband (She was in the process of the divorce)

Needless to say that was really traumatic for me. Yet half a year later she appeared outta know where and came right back.

And I took her back.

And I really regret it

[burritoman]

You had something about a strange calm. During one of our earlier break up cycles I experienced that also. We were doing fine and she was coming to stay most weekends. Then on a Sunday morning before she left, she gave me a long (Maybe 10 minute) hug. And it was the most intimate, passionate hug I've ever had in my life. That may sound strange and I cant explain it well. Years later I can still feel that hug.

Anyway we said our I love you's and goodbye's and she left for the two hour drive home. Then silence. No contact or communication from her. She refused to answer my calls or respond to texts. She left my house after that hug and drove straight back to her husband (She was in the process of the divorce)

Needless to say that was really traumatic for me. Yet half a year later she appeared outta know where and came right back.

And I took her back.

And I really regret it

I know exactly what you mean about that hug. That last night together, when she asked me to tuck her in she acted like she was asking her daddy. Very sweet, innocent, and loving. I suspected absolutely nothing was amiss. In fact, around that time I was beginning to feel more comfortable and considered spending the rest of my life with her (which is what she always said she wanted of me).

The first two breakups came from tension and her perceived abandonment, and she came right back like a rubber band. This time around it was out of left field.

Were you guys in NC during those 6 months? How long did the relationship last once you took her back?

[UserName69]

Some strange and interesting things happening here!

This Facebook activity is precisely what scares me about my situation. My ex is the type who does cut exes out of her life, friends & family too. Frankly, she has NOT done this with me, not even in the slightest. She's still liking things that my friends post, which is strange because these are the friends who I've been seeking comfort from since we broke up.

When I met her, her ex was already out of the picture on FB and only talked to him when he was bleeding his heart out to her (but then would turn nasty when she rejected him). She was idealizing me HARD and wanted nothing to do with him anymore. Looking back, I was the replacement, but her ex was abusive and a bit of a narcissist, so I didn't think anything of him. I was the white knight!

And I'm getting the same vibe that Infern0 mentioned. It's obvious she's seeing this guy, but she's very clearly not idealizing him. She's changed her profile picture twice to a shot of them together, but she looks smug and cold. In any smily picture between them, her face is labored. Contrast that with pics of her and I early on and she's bright eyed, full of smiles and love. She announced to the world on Facebook that she "found a guy she really liked." This is what makes me worried that she's getting a temporary "fix" from the guy, and she's going to drop him hard and try to recycle with me.

*shiver*

The reason why she might keep you is she want's to make you jealous. She stays in touch with them so she can get back, it's like those cliche scenes in moves when someone accidentally "forgets" something at your place so he/she has a reason to contact you in the future.

In my situation I just had enough and decided to pull the plug. Normally I always was the one who reached out to her this time I didn't. I knew that it would and could never work between the two of us.

If you recycle the RS she will drop him and he'll explode like a water balloon but don't forget she will stay in touch with him and do the same to you again.

I have seen this trick played by a couple people I have in my friends list. One girl for an instance her BF cheated and they broke up a couple months ago, they are still friends on FB but she always some quote with an attempt to paint him black. Why doesn't she just block him and move on?

An another couple I have on FB broke up one year ago. A couple weeks after the breakup the girl started to post semi-nude photos of herself on FB while she never did this in the past. A couple months later she was posting photos of herself with her "new" boyfriend. I never liked her, she's the kind like how you have described your exBPDgf, cold, no emotions on her face, doesn't laugh, doesn't talk with other people, she never introduced herself to me or to our other friends. After she saw me for the first time I received a friendship request from her on Facebook.

Her exBF tried to commit suicide a couple days ago he took some pills and I was there when it happened. I feel so sorry for his parents, I know them very well and the couple years they had a hard time when they lost their other son. When I saw him lying there on the floor I knew it had something to do with his exGF. I still can't believe what this guy did, wanting to die just over some crazy girl? Social media is a dangerous tool in the hands of a pwBPD.

I have a question for you; if your exGF wants you back, would you recycle her?

[Rickybee]

wow, my ex also acted like a little girl being all cutesy asking me to took her in and kiss her, at the very end and during, sometimes she was like a little kid and other times she acted like a flustered adult, really overly silly immature innocent happy then the switch and she would be an angry negative, bitter clever cunning adult, and around it went, one day to the next she was different and couldn't remember previous conversations or commitments, her memory was awful, always let me down when it came to occasions, never knew what you would get but when she was great she was the everything I ever wanted and more, ps I also got a hug that I will never forget, the day before we ended I was laying of the sofa watching tv content thinking we were perfect, she climbed on me and squeezed me for a good 2 minutes, it felt so loving... by this point she had been emotionally cheating on me and I'm pretty certain had physically too, my body still churns with grief and hurt, I hope it gets better I've had ups and downs of feeling a little better but 8 months out it has come back bad today, I loved her beyond words despite whats she did to me, 4 years of horror and bliss alternating, be strong guys better horizons hopefully, even tho I lost everything and life back at my folks whilst he is now living in our apartment enjoying my ex gf and the lovely décor as I recently spent thousands renovating and making a nice home for us both... .pffff all that hard work she watched me do it all knowing what she was up too, chewed my up and spat me out, even aborted our baby and cut me off suddenly and went silent in the early days of the relationship after telling me she was on the pill and deliberately trying for a baby, so cruel when she first told me she was pregnant she let me believe we were keeping it, which I really wanted to be a dad too, to suddenly going no contact and taking herself to the hospital demanding an abortion otherwise she would do it herself, I was worried and shocked by what was going on so went to the hospital to find her, she was laying there and looked at me like she was disgusted with me, she then said "i want this ___ing thing dead"... .the shock and hurt was crazy, that was the first big episode, I left her after discovering satan himself in the body of my gf, I realised she was very mentally ill, foolishly two months went by and she contacted me wanting to work things out, she had the abortion, had lost a lot of weight due to her eating disorder too, I told her I still cared about her and was worried about her and would be her friend... but as time developed we ended up back together again and slowly I learned to once again trust her, just one of many stories... sorry to vent... there is just so much messed up confusing and completely mental times spent with her that have left me just in eternal shock of what I have endured, I ___ you not this b___ was a satanic vampire masquerading as an cute innocent angel, all the best to you guys in your healing

[burritoman]

I have a question for you; if your exGF wants you back, would you recycle her?

I've considered that she might be trying to make me jealous. Early on after I stopped looking at her page, a couple of my friends claimed that she seemed to be rubbing it in my face that she was "single," kind of saying "screw you, I don't need a man." Always checking in places with her idealized group, posting photos, etc. Over the holidays some photos cropped up, that's when I noticed she didn't seem happy. It would be arrogant to assume that her Facebook activity is directed at me in some way, but you never know with BPD. She changed her profile pic 3 times over the holidays, either showing she's with that guy or her new group (which includes the guy). No reaction out of me. Now she's changed her pic to kind of a "strong, independent, and sexy" look. Again, no reaction out of me. I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks her activity seems to have lessened. Not checking in anymore, only posting random things here or there. Who knows if that really means anything.

As far as taking her back is concerned, mehhhhh... .

I know deep down that the best thing for me to do would be to run the other direction as fast as possible. My mother says she's no longer allowed in her home and I would be "a damn fool" to take her back. My sister feels similarly. My friends (who have been amazingly supportive of me during this period) say that in the end it's my decision, but "you know how I feel." Basically, everybody in my world believes that she'll try again, but nobody wants me to take her back. A couple of my friends have already dropped her on FB on their own accord, and there will be more. Also, presumably she's been painting me black as night in her world, so how awkward would it be for me to stroll back in, because she certainly won't try to fix my image.

A part of me would love to believe that I could sit her down and have a real heart to heart explaining that I love her but she needs help, and she'd accept it. That'll never happen. She's too proud. When we broke up in August, she said that she'd hit rock bottom and it's time to start seeing someone again to get on medication (for her possible misdiagnosis of bipolar). After I finally caved to her I asked her if she had gone to the appointment she made, and she said "no, I don't need to change for anyone." So, that's what I'm dealing with here... .

It's tough though, because if you take the disorder away from her we're actually a pretty good couple. We gel in a lot of ways and I miss the life we were creating together, but you can't have a fruitful relationship with somebody who by nature cannot offer it.

[burritoman]

this b___ was a satanic vampire masquerading as an cute innocent angel, all the best to you guys in your healing

Did we date the same girl?

[Wantingtochange]

@Barritoman

During our 6 months apart there was absolutely no contact. Like the hopeless romantic I am I wrote her for a while professing my love, so on... .you get the idea. Looking back I feel how I handled that was sad but at the time, I thought it was right. After all I was in love and there had to be a reason I wasn't seeing that justified her doing this... .Funny looking back how I ALWAYS made excuses for her and her behavior. I now realize that a normal emotionally healthy person would not tolerate this. As a co-dependent it triggered something in me that says, ":)ude, your missing something, she loves you. No matter what she's the one."

I've been learning that I cannot show "unconditional love", especially when it's abusive like this behavior is. Also looking back I'm just scratching the surface processing how much did I really love her vs. how much did I really need her due to my very hidden insecurities.

Knowing what I know now, if the same thing happened again, at least I now know it's abusive behavior and hope I've grown enough that I would not re-engage.

Also at the time she still had NOT been diagnosed yet. The diagnoses did not come until later... .AND one of my hard hard hard boundaries this last and final time dating was she had to be in and continue and therapy. No therapy, no me.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes!

[UserName69]

I have a question for you; if your exGF wants you back, would you recycle her?

I've considered that she might be trying to make me jealous. Early on after I stopped looking at her page, a couple of my friends claimed that she seemed to be rubbing it in my face that she was "single," kind of saying "screw you, I don't need a man." Always checking in places with her idealized group, posting photos, etc. Over the holidays some photos cropped up, that's when I noticed she didn't seem happy. It would be arrogant to assume that her Facebook activity is directed at me in some way, but you never know with BPD. She changed her profile pic 3 times over the holidays, either showing she's with that guy or her new group (which includes the guy). No reaction out of me. Now she's changed her pic to kind of a "strong, independent, and sexy" look. Again, no reaction out of me. I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks her activity seems to have lessened. Not checking in anymore, only posting random things here or there. Who knows if that really means anything.

It's usual the opposite of what they claim. If she says she's happy it means she's not happy. My exBPD used to post updates like yours is doing and believe me it ALWAYS was the opposite. I really think that your friends are right she's trying to rub it in your face, mine did exact the same. They don't realize that they're embarrassing themselves. On the internet they can claim whatever they want, it's their playground.

[burritoman]

I have a question for you; if your exGF wants you back, would you recycle her?

I've considered that she might be trying to make me jealous. Early on after I stopped looking at her page, a couple of my friends claimed that she seemed to be rubbing it in my face that she was "single," kind of saying "screw you, I don't need a man." Always checking in places with her idealized group, posting photos, etc. Over the holidays some photos cropped up, that's when I noticed she didn't seem happy. It would be arrogant to assume that her Facebook activity is directed at me in some way, but you never know with BPD. She changed her profile pic 3 times over the holidays, either showing she's with that guy or her new group (which includes the guy). No reaction out of me. Now she's changed her pic to kind of a "strong, independent, and sexy" look. Again, no reaction out of me. I have noticed that over the past couple of weeks her activity seems to have lessened. Not checking in anymore, only posting random things here or there. Who knows if that really means anything.

It's usual the opposite of what they claim. If she says she's happy it means she's not happy. My exBPD used to post updates like yours is doing and believe me it ALWAYS was the opposite. I really think that your friends are right she's trying to rub it in your face, mine did exact the same. They don't realize that they're embarrassing themselves. On the internet they can claim whatever they want, it's their playground.

Good thoughts here. How did you find out in the end that it was really the opposite of what she claimed?

[Schermarhorn]

The 2nd time she had someone lined up she sounded super happy on the phone. While telling me we should never talk again.