Filing for divorce

[adamslp2]

It's beyond saving. Until recently I knew of three times that my wife had cheated on me over the course of our 5 years of marriage. Once with a co-worker, once with a friend and once with someone I don't personally know.  She recently stated that she only married me because she knew I would treat her right and thought marriage would make her happy. After noticing that she had been rather distant and there hadn't been any sort of intimacy for 3 weeks, she finally disclosed that she was unhappy and wanted to divorce. She stated that she hadn't been happy for the 1-2 years.  After 3 affairs I had had enough and submitted to the idea that it was a lost cause. I called an attorney and made an appointment. The next day I met with a psychologist and asked if she thought counseling would give any hope. She stated that if my wife was willing to put in the work that reconciliation was a possibility.  I was about to ask my wife if she would be willing to give counseling a try.  But before I did I asked her if she had done anything with a guy named Dave (she had contacted him about some work he had performed on our house and she stated that she had been confiding in him about her unhappiness in our marriage). She admitted to having inappropriate contact with him. That was the final straw.  Once again wrecked by betrayal I STILL gave it one last ditch effort and proposed counseling... .her response... ."I could try but I honestly couldn't promise that I wouldn't cheat on you again." So not only did I find out about a 4th act of adultery (in 5 1/2 years) but she also doesn't think counseling will help... .There is no way I can continue abusing myself with this type of treatment... .By the way... .we have two kids. 

[Rmbrworst]

I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this.  Being cheated on over and over is bad enough, but to have your significant other tell you "They aren't sure they won't cheat again." Is horrible.

It's also not something you should deal with.   I can understand why you've decided to leave.

At least she is being honest, that way it will make it (slightly) easier to move on.  You really do not need a relationship in which the other person refuses to be faithful to you.  With time away from the situation, I'm sure you will come to realize this.

Welcome.  I hope you can find good support here

[vortex of confusion]

I wanted to take a minute and welcome you to the boards.

My stbx went to a few counseling sessions alone and we had one together. After the one we had together, he pretty much refused to go again. At some point in the last couple of months, he told me that I wanted too much from him. I wanted things from him that he didn't believe in. When questioned, he said that he didn't believe in counseling and that I pushed it too hard. It is so painful to have somebody that you love and want to make things work with be so flip about it all. I gave up and refuse to work with him. Our marriage is done and over and I am waiting for him to move out.

And, he is a sex addict and is supposedly in recovery and sober yet has an account on OKCupid and is "talking" to a couple of different ladies. There is a lot of background story here as we have been together for 17 years and have 4 kids. I have been listening to his excuses for years and have bought into them hook, line, and sinker.

I used to think I could get over some of the things that he had done. I stopped trying to get over it and have accepted the fact that he isn't going to change and that I can't be in a relationship with him.

It is good that she is being honest about not being sure about being faithful. It still hurts like crazy. It feels like being stabbed in the gut. I have been told, "I am sober today and I was sober yesterday. I have to take things one day at a time." He wouldn't continue counseling and swears that he is sober and isn't acting out on his sex addiction even though he has an OKCupid account.

Even though I am done with him, it still hurts. You are so right about how continuing to be with them is like self abuse.