Mixed news as usual

[Parents! Get help here!]

Just returned last week from a visit with DS11 (diagnosed with pre-bordeline tendencies) at his RTC.  This is his second RTC placement, his 3rd year of treatment.  He continues to have problems with violent outbursts every 3 weeks or so.  He has made good progress in his first 6 months at the new RTC -- the most important thing they have done is that the more he acts out, the farther he gets from what he wanted.  He also needs to actively process incidents and go through a timeline and repair process.  

The visit was the first time in a year DS11 and D14 spent time together.  They were able to do so without any conflict.  We took baby steps on this -- most of our time was spent on the RTC campus, only did a day trip into town one day for lunch, swimming at the hotel, dinner, then back to the RTC.  :)S11 showed progress in taking himself out of a situation when overwhelmed.  Big feelings still are hard for him, but instead of outbursts, most of the time he can just walk into another room, then rejoin when feeling more settled.

The mixed news is that DS11 can't always show this self-control.  Two things set off reactive and violent outbursts for him.  One is limits when frustrated -- same old story, sometimes these are more than he can take, he throws furniture, assaults staff, and is verbally abusive.  Happens about every 3 weeks.  

The other thing that sets him off is equally disturbing -- going along with another child who is struggling because he doesn't have a firm sense of his own identity.  I'm glad that the therapists at the RTC recognize this problem and will try to help DS11 work through this, but it is sad to see borderline traits take root and blossom.  

So, DS11 is in the right place, he is making tiny amounts of progress, but after years of treatment, it still isn't safe to have him outside of a very, very structured setting with staff to back each other up.  Anything less would be an unpredictable violent nightmare.

[ProfDaddy]

Just returned last week from a visit with DS11 (diagnosed with pre-bordeline tendencies) at his RTC.  This is his second RTC placement, his 3rd year of treatment.  He continues to have problems with violent outbursts every 3 weeks or so.  He has made good progress in his first 6 months at the new RTC -- the most important thing they have done is that the more he acts out, the farther he gets from what he wanted.  He also needs to actively process incidents and go through a timeline and repair process.  

The visit was the first time in a year DS11 and D14 spent time together.  They were able to do so without any conflict.  We took baby steps on this -- most of our time was spent on the RTC campus, only did a day trip into town one day for lunch, swimming at the hotel, dinner, then back to the RTC.  :)S11 showed progress in taking himself out of a situation when overwhelmed.  Big feelings still are hard for him, but instead of outbursts, most of the time he can just walk into another room, then rejoin when feeling more settled.

The mixed news is that DS11 can't always show this self-control.  Two things set off reactive and violent outbursts for him.  One is limits when frustrated -- same old story, sometimes these are more than he can take, he throws furniture, assaults staff, and is verbally abusive.  Happens about every 3 weeks.  

The other thing that sets him off is equally disturbing -- going along with another child who is struggling because he doesn't have a firm sense of his own identity.  I'm glad that the therapists at the RTC recognize this problem and will try to help DS11 work through this, but it is sad to see borderline traits take root and blossom.  

So, DS11 is in the right place, he is making tiny amounts of progress, but after years of treatment, it still isn't safe to have him outside of a very, very structured setting with staff to back each other up.  Anything less would be an unpredictable violent nightmare.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[michmom]

I hear your pain and your hope in your post.  I know I haven't given up hope that my daughter will continue to get better and work for stability and joy in her life.  I feel sure you haven't wanted to give up either. There are days in my life when all I can do is give my emotional burden's to God and remind myself of my true responsibility.  The one and only thing I know I can do some days is love my daughter "unconditionally" the way God loves me.  Worts and all.  May God give you peace in knowing you are doing the best you can in each moment.