I thought it might be a good idea to laugh at ourselves

[snowmonkey]

Because I have entirely lost my marbles, I thought it might be a good idea for us to laugh at ourselves. Perhaps a little humour might help us all.

I was hoping that people might put down the most ridiculous reason a pwBPD has given you to start an argument.

My BPD GF once texted me after we had spent the night together to tell me:

"You left the pillows in a mess, you are such a loser. How can you expect me to want to be with someone like you?"

[Tobiasfunke]

I didn't know how to properly clean the glass table, fold towels (3 folds if u were unaware), put away things in general shirts in the dresser, soup cans in the cabinet. Looking back now I really did nothing right in her eyes. How have I made it this long without her help.

[GottaMoveOn]

I wasn't driving according to their "suggestion."

They wanted help with something - I didn't do it their way. They got mad... .then why ask for my help?

[woofbarkmeowbeep]

I breathed in ways she didn't like. I wore her socks without asking which was 'so disrespectful'. I was too friendly to people who waited our table. I was too rude to people who waited our table... etc etc. Basically I did everything wrong, and it was all my fault.

[JerryRG]

She would text me at work and tell me if I didn't pick my son up after work I would be in contempt of court for violating my parental rights. I told a coworker who laughed and said,  she isn't too bright is she . She just loved to push my buttons. Crazy... .

[JerryRG]

I asked my ex if she ever cheated on me and she said yes, the other guy was in the same room with us when we made love... .WHAT? Lol... .Crazy

[HurtinNW]

I left a lint ball on the dryer.

One of my kids put something "wrong" in the compost.

We loaded the dishwasher/clothes washer/trash/anything wrong. Or unloaded them "wrong."

Not lining up the forks and spoons exactly... .and by size. Same with cups, dishes and anything else that couldn't escape his need for order.

Not recycling every last bit of recyclable material, including tiny receipts, labels on tuna cans, and bits of paper. He would go through our trash with huge exasperated sighs, pulling out any tiny bit of paper as proof of our idiocy.

One I came to dread: the fact-checker. Once we were out with friends and I mentioned how proud I am of my son, who has overcome great odds from foster care and at age 14 had gotten himself a job in a law firm. Boyfriend corrected me, making sure everyone knew the job was not full time. Hello, son was 14 and going to school in a rigorous high school. I also call this the balloon popper. No good deed escaped the balloon popper.

In public, following up with things I say by adding: "I thought you said... ." and making me sound like a fool by casting doubt on stories I tell. I swear he listened to stories and then looked for even tiny inconsistencies so he could play the ah-ha game.

Me wringing my hands. This was a sensitive one for me because I have anxiety. The more he verbally pummelled  me the more anxious I would get, and wring my hands without noticing. This made him rage.

The biggest one: keeping an ever-growing list of my alleged sins. Nothing is ever forgiven, so the longer we have gone out, the longer the list grows. In his most recent break up of me he accused me of keeping some Christmas ornament from three years ago.

[Teereese]

Let me count the ways

Because I looked at him wrong

Because I stopped to speak to someone I knew at a store

Because I broke the oven while cooking and he insisted I never cooked.

My 10 year old car battery died and he insisted it was not age but me plugging "___" into my car   my cell phone charger drained the battery

[flourdust]

I told her I was going to Home Depot.

She couldn't think of a word she wanted to say.

She doesn't like the weather.

I talked to her while she was writing a Facebook post.

I asked her what she wanted for breakfast.

She asked me to bring her folders, and I did, but they were not the kind she really wanted, and I should have known that somehow.

I picked the chain restaurant location that was closer to our house than her gym.

I ate my food faster than she did.

I move my hands too fast when I talk.

I suggested we have leftovers for lunch.

I told her that I didn't have anything that needed to be done this weekend, and she didn't believe me.

(A personal favorite... .) I told her what restaurant we were meeting at, but I didn't tell her that it was the location we've gone to regularly for eleven years instead of the branch that is in the airport past the security checkpoint.

[lingering]

Oh these are wonderful!  Thanks.

Revisiting the event that led to our end he says "I told you I was diagnosed with diabetes and heart disease and you said you were leaving me".  All in a 5 minute conversation.  He 'forgot' the rage, the silence, the punishment, the ignoring, the rage, the self-pity, the yelling, the tears, the storming. He forgot that I was to blame for his poor tragic history long before I ever met him. All of it.  14 hours, completely lost?  It was "how was your day... .I am leaving you".  Hmmm.

[JerryRG]

My ex was showing me a bottle of Cherry Coke her neighbor brought over and this bottle of Coke had been tainted with something that made her sleepy or felt strange. I said, oh my gosh you better hang on to it for evidence in case he was trying to drug you or maybe he was going to hurt you.

She sits there looking at me and opens the bottle and takes a drink from it... .OooKkkkkkkkkk? I guess she really was concerned it was poisen? Or hmm huh? What? Um huh? Hmm

Oops! 

I better go now... .SEE YA! 

[Sunfl0wer]

(A personal favorite... .) I told her what restaurant we were meeting at, but I didn't tell her that it was the location we've gone to regularly for eleven years instead of the branch that is in the airport past the security checkpoint.

That is not even possible!

She LITERALLY did not go to the restaurant you usually go to... .

But she parked at an airport parking lot, walked into an airport amongst other travelers... .made it through security? 

WTH?

You guys must have at least had a flight in a few hours?

How else could she make it through security?

Did she buy a ticket to fly somewhere just to get past a gate?

[JerryRG]

I'm at the clinic with my daughter and walk out about the time they close 5:30pm. On the way out we see two women washing the front door windows of the clinic. My daughter recognizes one of them and says hi. Later on I talked to my ex who begins to interigate me as to where I really was because my ex said she was at the clinic the same time my daughter and I were yet she didn't see us or my car. Um yeah? I pull out my phone and attempt to call my daughter while explaining we met someone cleaning windows who they both knew. Now I have 2 witnesses and guess what my ex does? Slaps the phone out of my hand sending it flying while screaming at me and calling me a liar. She never did believe me. What a goofy mind and nothing I could do would ever convince her I don't lie.

[hopealways]

She yelled at me for not telling her to turn right while driving earlier (even though I did, she just wasn't listening). Massive verbal fight on her part started, I opened the car door and fell out, couldn't take it any damn more. She then called me 100x and threatened to break all the windows in my house.

[flourdust]

(A personal favorite... .) I told her what restaurant we were meeting at, but I didn't tell her that it was the location we've gone to regularly for eleven years instead of the branch that is in the airport past the security checkpoint.

That is not even possible!

She LITERALLY did not go to the restaurant you usually go to... .

But she parked at an airport parking lot, walked into an airport amongst other travelers... .made it through security? 

WTH?

You guys must have at least had a flight in a few hours?

How else could she make it through security?

Did she buy a ticket to fly somewhere just to get past a gate?

Heh. No, she called me while I was on the way to the restaurant to meet her. She complained that I had told her the restaurant but not which one. I was confused, because it never even occurred to me to think of the airport branch -- I mean, who does that? So I was baffled for a while until she looked at a map and realized it was the airport.

Then she said "I must have been thinking of some other place ... .it's another restaurant we pass often. What was I thinking of?"

I said I didn't know, and THEN she got mad at me for not knowing what restaurant she was really thinking of when she got confused. Seriously.

[mm1024]

My stbxBPDh forgot (often) to pay the water bill and the water company shut it off. When I got home with my children and found the notice on the door, I tried to call and pay the bill myself. Well, since I wasn't on the account they wouldn't allow me to pay the bill. So I called him to let him know what had happened, he got angry at me because HE forgot to pay the bill... .WHAT the Heck?

Okay, one more... .for giggles

We had been talking about cleaning out our garage, spring cleaning. Well, as with most things, he would put it off and had all sorts of ridiculous excuses! One Saturday, he was out with his son and I decided to clean the garage with my kids. We organized, and swept and it looked great. He came home and said- "I did not give you my permission to clean the garage, it looks terrible" he then text me 15 times on how I cleaned the garage wrong, he did not approve of the cleaning... .blah blah blah. I didn't know there was a specific way to clean a garage LOL LOL! 

[Michelle27]

There was once a twelve hour circular argument over the placement of the garbage bag in the garage.  Apparently, I was very inconsiderate by placing the bag 3 inches to the side of where he wanted it, so he could have tripped over it.  This argument could have been resolved in seconds when I asked him to show me exactly where he wanted me to put the bag and when he showed me 3 inches over, I was flabbergasted and even though I said, Ok, no problem, it wasn't good enough and I then went onto suggest he line the garage floor with masking tape to show where the outline of where I shouldn't go past.  Nope, not good enough.  The raging went on and on so crazily that I left the house (only to have him call and text me mercilessly).  Came home, he started again and if I remember right, I left two more times with the same thing happening every time I returned.  Talk about insanity.

[vortex of confusion]

The one that tickles my funny bone is a conversation that I was trying to have with him about not feeling like a priority to him. I gave all sorts of examples of the times when he chose his computer games over his wife or kids. So, he turned it around on me and said I don't do anything to make him feel special. So, I started listing all of the times that I have gone out of my way for him. He interrupts me and says, "But you are nice to everybody." I thought to myself, "So, I have to be a jerk to everybody else just to make you feel special."

And then there was the time when he and I had a discussion about him wanting me to change the cat boxes occasionally. I heard him. He saw me doing it and got mad at me because that is HIS job.

Oh, and my favorite funny of all is the shingles. We had our roof replaced a year or so ago. There were piles of shingles left in the front yard. If I said something about it, he would tell me that it was too hot to work in the yard. He would do it when it cooled off. When it cooled off and I said something, "Oh, it is too cold. I will do it when it warms up." Needless to say, he didn't get around to doing it.