Our learnings make us better people. I'm excited.
For context, it's been about 1–4 years since my breakup. I can't say exactly for specific reasons.
So I have identified at least two valuable lifelong lessons after the breakup. They were more 'blessed' on me. I didn't quite 'make them up' or 'find them'.
Today I found a third. I still feel it in my heart. I'm sure some of you may relate.
I won't share it but I will share how I arrived at it, which would help the community.
The chain of events:
I wanted to put in additional efforts for me to get more out of such an abusive relationship.
I lost a lot of things because of the relationship, and I felt like I didn't create enough out of it.
I took time from me.
I did more research.
I put in efforts to teach myself a more 'formal' grieving process.
I learned a more complete set of ideas around 'forgiveness'.
I validated the ideas by doing more background research (addicted LOL).
The work I did made me feel safe that I could really emotionally invest in the tools I used.
I didn't want to waste my time with mumbo jumbo, so I did that.
I set out to apply this on my feelings of anger around my ex.
It helped, but not much. I believe its because I achieved the elements of it through my other work (e.g. I didn't feel really hurt at all, which is something forgiveness is supposed to release).
Significant time passes.
I saw I could use it on other areas of my life.
I identified a long term pain in my life (10 years+).
I saw an opportunity to learn what I used about forgiveness.
I created a forgiveness 'regime' for myself similar to what I used for my ex.
I did this for 29 days with 1 gap (I missed 1 day in the first week because life.)
It looked like this:
Week 1: 20 minutes.
Week 2: 20 minutes. 2 hours on a Saturday about here to develop more, I was really angry that day about a related thing.
Week 3: 10 minutes.
Week 4: 5 minutes.
Its been exactly 16 days since the end of it.
Yes, there were many days I just did it by forcing myself to do it, not because I wanted to do it on that day. In the beginning I set out to get it done and didn't think too much about it.
I was rushing many days too.
I think it was 2 days where I didn't have time in my routine, so I did it at night.
Today, I am working on diaries, letters, personal things, family things.
I have some time to breathe today away from the thousands of other things.
I 'found' the lesson while writing.
The process shocked me because I've grown up in a Christian household. Forgiveness is a very big deal. Yet I found many people don't have a clear idea of what it actually is.
I really didn't want to share this because it's very personal and I put a lot of effort into it. But I know some of you genuinely hurt from your relationships and you might still not have gotten many wonderful 'gifts' to take with you, so here is my process.
Finally, this wasn't one of those 'instant' gifts. I realised I was 'doing the results' of it both on a conscious and a subconscious level as a result of the total process. It brought me more confidence and positivity to my life. I know it will bring a lot more. I hope it can do the same for you.
Yes I'm not particularly special. I hate doing those book exercises too but this one spoke to me.
Have a nice day guys!
-- This thread is for you guys so don't feel obliged to chat about my experience.
