Hi, I'm new

[Agape76]

Hi,

Not really sure where to start... .often feel like I'm drowning under the stress of living with my 21 year old (adopted as a teenager) daughter. She was diagnosed BPD in December last year but it's only recently I've started learning more about the condition as she also has severe depression and is an alcoholic (sober for nearly nine months now :-)), so I'd been focussing on those. Have realised now they are symptoms of BPD, along with so many other of her harmful and challenging characteristics. Feel like I'm co,int to terms with the fact that there is no easy or quick fix to this... .I had thought that with the right meds, getting sober, getting therapy, she'd get 'better', but nothing seems to make much difference... .though she is 'better' in many ways than she was a year ago.

I'm just trying to reach out to others who may understand as I don't know any other parents dealing with this.

Looking forward to learning together :-)

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lbjnltx]

Hello Agape67,

Welcome to the Parenting Board!  So glad that you decided to join us here.

I'm happy to learn that your d has been sober for 9 months, that is a big deal!

Treatment plans for mental illness can't be effectively carried out unless they are sober.  Huge hurtle jumped.

You are right, there is no easy fix for her or your family.  Treatment takes time to become affective, it's about learning how to cope through skills development and using those skills to improve relationships with others, ease pain and suffering, and developing a more balanced mindset (view of self, view of others, view of the world).  This is a huge undertaking and progress is rarely linear.

How old was your d when you adopted her?  What kind of therapy is she in now?

lbjnltx

[Agape76]

Thanks for your encouragement :-)

She was 16 and she's not in any treatment... .we usually live in Africa as expats and went back to UK for 9 months to try to get treatment but there was very little available so we came back here... .She's been in AA a year, is taking meds and that's about it.

We only got the diagnosis just before coming back and were told DBT was available but with a very long wait... .Now we're learning more about BPD we're wondering about what to do longer term. The only other options in the UK were more meds but they kept trying different combos with little change so we decided to stick to what we knew worked even though she still has many symptoms.

No idea if we've made the 'right' decisions!