Did your BPD ex ever publically state how proud they were of you?

[Musicmaker1]

Scrolling through my Facebook timeline I saw a girl posting a picture of her and her boyfriend, with a description of something like: 'Happy birthday baby! So proud to be your girl!'.

Now the subject of this topic is not really social media, but it made me realize that in the 3 year relationship I had (+ 1 year marriage), my ex never really mentioned that she was proud to be with me. She always was pretty active on social media, but really only posted pictures of herself and of herself and friends. There was never a picture of us together, never did she really talk about me (offline or online) to her friends, never did I truly see a girl who was proud to be with me.

It this common for people with BPD? Or was this just my ex being a total $^*(#($$ ?

[warhar]

Nope (but to give her her dues - she was awfully busy self-promoting)

Edit: Looking back I can't remember her ever praising (publicly or privately) anybody UNLESS she could somehow include herself in the praise.

[Fogclearing]

My ex did it ALL THE TIME at the beginning of our relationship. It was too much to be honest. Pictures of me. Hearts. Declaration of love. "The most beautiful woman in the world" etc etc etc. It ended after she moved in with me and quickly devalued me.

[Suspicious1]

He told me all the time he was proud to be with me, except when he split me black, when he outright said that he was ashamed of me - too ashamed to link his name with mine, he said. It was on of the reasons I walked away.

[hergestridge]

My ex and I got together long before there was social media, but I remember one odd conversation very early on. I told her I was proud of her and wanted her to meet my friends. She said she thought it was weird to be proud of someone else. Frankly I was a bit hurt by that and didn't ask her to expand on the subject.

But it was something that nagged be throughout our relationship, that she seemed hesitant to talk to me in public. She could even walk quite a bit ahead of me so that it wasn't apparent that we belonged together. Once home she could shower me with affection though.

She was very eager to be with me and stay in the relationship (it did last 20 years!), but if she went out with friends it was very important that her friends didn't get to see me or talk to me.

My current girlfriend couldn't wait to tell her best friends that she had met me. As we got more and more involved with each other she became increasingly open in showing her affection, kissing in a street etc. It was amazing for me to feel that it's OK to want to show our affection for each other to others.

I think it has to do with being happy or unhappy. If you're never happy then you're not proud of your partner, because you are by definition *unhappy* with your partner. We are like the lesser of two evils to them.

There was always a sense of sadness and failure about everything me and my ex did. When we ended spending a holiday just the two of us she always had the attitude that it would have been better if we had been invited somewhere and now she had to put up with being alone with me. When I got into the same situation my current gf she just said we'll have a great time on our own. With a smile. I was literally moved to tears from this situation where someone actually wants to be with me.

[once removed]

my ex was more public on social media about our relationship than shed appeared to be in past relationships. public if not more so in the next one.

i think this has to do with the unstable sense of self. there may be great difficulty integrating different friends and family, and maintaining the image of who they are to each. i met plenty of my exes friends and family, but i always felt she was a totally different person around them, or my friends and family for that matter.