So confused and no clue maybe I'm stupid

[Goodbyetou123]

Ok well where do I start... .I fell in love with this beautiful girl in 2014 had a crush since 2013 and we got together and started dating... .few months into relationship we would clash and fightn over stupid things

I also stopped my meds for depression at the time cause side effects (cold turkey) lost my mind and between me and this girl we just clashed throwing eachother out of cars and more

She would have me drive her to a house and say it's her cousin (later found out it was her ex) I guess she saw him until May when we were off and on later on I find this out years later... .so I ask her to marry me in July and we get tattoos yes stupid

I'm 26 at the time she's 32 a 3 year old is involved

I'm trying new meds and we have an amazing summer and then I'm told my meds make me to numb (I have OCD anxiety depression) so I stop them (cold turkey) become housebound neglect her don't see her child as much

She does more shady stuff and later find out she lies over everything

Long story short her ex tells me she's into drugs and more I have numerous people tell me

She denies again she lies

Also saves me as girl in phone and more childish behavior

Later on we have no trust and more keep running to one another

Her ex is somehow the good guy

I'm the ass cause I say she needs help and accuse her of the things he said

I later find mad clothes in her car Vaseline panties bras tooth brush and gum and lotions and accuse her

(Again, was told she's stripper prostitue) given the fact she lies and more I was like hmm

Needless to say she has bipolar o believe BPD given how chaotic it got

I love her but now I see her and think of her as a liar and cheat and drug addict prostitue and it sucks cause here I am thinking so much

I'm sorry it's all over place

My minds scrambled

No one likes her or me together says toxic

Yet I miss the hell out of the girl I fell for

I'm so confused why se hates me all the time and I'm bad guy and why we fight over dumb ___

Like I don't know if she loved me or t was all a lie

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cloudy Days]

It does sound like the two of you were toxic. Are you getting any kind of counseling? For me I realized that I was addicted to my husband and the drama he brought to my life. Addictions aren't something that are good, it kind of sounds like you are addicted to this relationship with this girl. Can you explain what you got out of the relationship? One thing you must realize is that the craving for her will die down with time. I'm not sure how long the two of you have been apart but when you separate from someone it makes you crave them more and that's what is going on now. I would suggest you use this time to really focus on yourself and what you want out of life. Her behavior is unlikely to change so change you and focus on you.