The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" (book)

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I'm in the middle of reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I have also started seeing a new therapist who embraces some of the theories about trauma that are explained in this book. The paragraphs that follow this one are from a different thread I posted in - but I'd like to hear from others who have either read this book or have experience with a therapist that addresses trauma from this perspective!

_______________________________________________________________________

I'm almost two years out of an 8 year r/s with my exBPD partner. I found a therapist right before the r/s ended, and spent a year and a half with her. We did lots and lots of talking, and she helped me figure a lot of things out (about the r/s). It was very helpful, and I now have a coherent "story" of the r/s, and why things unfolded the way they did. Naturally, over time, the conversations became more and me about me, and the things that I might need to heal from.

There's a good amount; I had an often raging mother; a father who was often emotionally absent (and who never stepped in to stop my mother's raging and hitting); and I was molested at a young age by another family member. I've talked about it all in therapy; I understand all of it and how it has affected my life (anxiety-ridden r/s's with men, for example) - but this "understanding" has never fixed anything. That's the worst part of it all. I know what's wrong, but this "knowing" doesn't seem to help me in any way, shape or form.

After about a year and a half with my therapist, she decided to end her practice and highly recommended another therapist. I was both slightly horrified and intrigued; I think that twists and turns like this often happen for a reason - so off I went.

My new therapist talks to me, but talking is not the focus. I almost didn't know how to respond to her; her extended silences made me uncomfortable and uncertain. My old therapist and I talked and talked and talked; we talk ourselves silly on these boards; isn't talking the key? My new therapist would suddenly ask me to do things like look around the room we were in to take everything in; to notice how my feet feel on the floor, how my body feels on the couch, to notice my responses as we did speak (sometimes holding my breath, sometimes breathing deeply, sometimes chewing on my lip, sometimes scratching)... .I didn't know what to make of any of it.

I started talking about my discomfort after several sessions - that I couldn't figure out what in the world she was doing. She began to explain that our nervous systems hold the memory of trauma, and it's not simply a matter of "talking it out" to heal. Our "talking it out" engages our forebrain, the seat of our "thinking" brain. But the real problem is that our trauma remains "frozen" in the more ancient parts of our brain and this is what needs to be addressed. Her requests for me to pay attention to my body responses is a method of helping me to get in touch with that frozen trauma. (Victims of trauma are often "out of touch" with their bodies - and part of the healing process is to reconnect). Here's an example: I've talked about my mom and her raging to any number of people. But when I talked to my current therapist about it, I suddenly began scratching at my neck. Because she has taught me how to notice my bodily responses, I noticed right away. I also realized that I suffered from eczema as a child and young adult - it was so bad that I would scratch myself until I bled - but I "outgrew" it in my mid-twenties, several years after I moved out of my parent's house. Was this truly a medical condition - or a traumatic response to my mother's raging? And how is it that I have been out of my parent's house for 35 years - but when I begin talking about it again (as a fully autonomous, independent and successful adult) my nervous system still "remembers" and compels me to begin tearing at my own skin?

I also shared what I remembered of the molestation. I told my therapist that I "understand" that my anxiety with men is a direct result of the molestation - but understanding this doesn't lessen my anxiety. She explained that I was still having a "flight response" to men many years after the actual event. And as I started to go into the details that I could remember about the molestation, my legs were crossed and one of my legs began to involuntarily kick - not wildly, but it was kicking. I was shocked - I couldn't really stop it. She explained that it was a trauma response - that in frightening situations, our nervous system compels us to "fight or flee" - but during the molestation I couldn't do either. That's what creates the trauma - and my nervous system still remembers.

In an effort to understand all of this I began reading "The Body Keeps the Score." Has anyone else read it? Is anyone else seeing a therapist like mine?

[jhkbuzz]

I'm in the middle of reading a book called The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD. I have also started seeing a new therapist who embraces some of the theories about trauma that are explained in this book. The paragraphs that follow this one are from a different thread I posted in - but I'd like to hear from others who have either read this book or have experience with a therapist that addresses trauma from this perspective!

_______________________________________________________________________

I'm almost two years out of an 8 year r/s with my exBPD partner. I found a therapist right before the r/s ended, and spent a year and a half with her. We did lots and lots of talking, and she helped me figure a lot of things out (about the r/s). It was very helpful, and I now have a coherent "story" of the r/s, and why things unfolded the way they did. Naturally, over time, the conversations became more and me about me, and the things that I might need to heal from.

There's a good amount; I had an often raging mother; a father who was often emotionally absent (and who never stepped in to stop my mother's raging and hitting); and I was molested at a young age by another family member. I've talked about it all in therapy; I understand all of it and how it has affected my life (anxiety-ridden r/s's with men, for example) - but this "understanding" has never fixed anything. That's the worst part of it all. I know what's wrong, but this "knowing" doesn't seem to help me in any way, shape or form.

After about a year and a half with my therapist, she decided to end her practice and highly recommended another therapist. I was both slightly horrified and intrigued; I think that twists and turns like this often happen for a reason - so off I went.

My new therapist talks to me, but talking is not the focus. I almost didn't know how to respond to her; her extended silences made me uncomfortable and uncertain. My old therapist and I talked and talked and talked; we talk ourselves silly on these boards; isn't talking the key? My new therapist would suddenly ask me to do things like look around the room we were in to take everything in; to notice how my feet feel on the floor, how my body feels on the couch, to notice my responses as we did speak (sometimes holding my breath, sometimes breathing deeply, sometimes chewing on my lip, sometimes scratching)... .I didn't know what to make of any of it.

I started talking about my discomfort after several sessions - that I couldn't figure out what in the world she was doing. She began to explain that our nervous systems hold the memory of trauma, and it's not simply a matter of "talking it out" to heal. Our "talking it out" engages our forebrain, the seat of our "thinking" brain. But the real problem is that our trauma remains "frozen" in the more ancient parts of our brain and this is what needs to be addressed. Her requests for me to pay attention to my body responses is a method of helping me to get in touch with that frozen trauma. (Victims of trauma are often "out of touch" with their bodies - and part of the healing process is to reconnect). Here's an example: I've talked about my mom and her raging to any number of people. But when I talked to my current therapist about it, I suddenly began scratching at my neck. Because she has taught me how to notice my bodily responses, I noticed right away. I also realized that I suffered from eczema as a child and young adult - it was so bad that I would scratch myself until I bled - but I "outgrew" it in my mid-twenties, several years after I moved out of my parent's house. Was this truly a medical condition - or a traumatic response to my mother's raging? And how is it that I have been out of my parent's house for 35 years - but when I begin talking about it again (as a fully autonomous, independent and successful adult) my nervous system still "remembers" and compels me to begin tearing at my own skin?

I also shared what I remembered of the molestation. I told my therapist that I "understand" that my anxiety with men is a direct result of the molestation - but understanding this doesn't lessen my anxiety. She explained that I was still having a "flight response" to men many years after the actual event. And as I started to go into the details that I could remember about the molestation, my legs were crossed and one of my legs began to involuntarily kick - not wildly, but it was kicking. I was shocked - I couldn't really stop it. She explained that it was a trauma response - that in frightening situations, our nervous system compels us to "fight or flee" - but during the molestation I couldn't do either. That's what creates the trauma - and my nervous system still remembers.

In an effort to understand all of this I began reading "The Body Keeps the Score." Has anyone else read it? Is anyone else seeing a therapist like mine?

[heartandwhole]

Hi jhkbuzz,

I haven't read the book yet, but I've trained with Bessen van der Kolk (trauma sensitive yoga) and firmly believe that any talk therapy for trauma, anxiety, depression, etc. Is enhanced by including the body. Bodywork, yoga, meditation, dancd,Tai Chi--and the like-these are beneficial methods that are so helpful.

From my own experience, I'm convinced that trauma is held in the body; I've.had similar physical symptoms that are/were so obviously connected to me emotional states, e.g skin issues. For example, about 6  months into my grieving process after the death of my father, breakup with pwBPD, and subsequent breakdown of a sibling relationship and friendship, I started to have back pain and a lot of tightness in the general area of my pelvis (front and back, related to the fight/flight/freeze response that can tighten the trunk stabilizing psoas muscle). One day in therapy I was sitting there talking, feeling the ache in my back, then suddenly I let out a lot of sadness with crying, etc., and immediately it felt like a vice had released the muscles of my back. It didn't last long, but happened again when I laughed out loud at something ( not in therapy  . Gradually, through time having bodywork (like Rolfing) done, yoga and feeling my feelings, my back is so much better and stronger, mirroring the emotional recovery and growth that I've experienced (that said, I think many things can take much more time, and some issues will be managed for many years if not lifelong, depending on myriad factors).

I also recommend Dr. Peter Levine, who has written books on healing trauma... .he also advocates including the body in recovery. I really like what your therapist said, reminding you to notice your body and your connection to your surroundings during your sessions. I would say that becoming aware of and gently directing your breathing is another powerful way to process emotional issues. Grounding the body is important because trauma survivors are often very out of touch with their physical bodies, as you mention in your post.

So, I'm a fan, and would love a therapist who incorporated the body into our talk therapy sessions. I think the body really is a wonderful gateway to the peace and presence that we truly are, but may have forgotten. 

heartandwhole

[ReclaimingMyLife]

Wow, jhkbuzz, I love what you've posted here and thank you for doing so.  I don't know about this kind of body work, but it sounds amazingly powerful and "right on."  I will definitely get the book and look very forward to hearing more from you and others.  Thank you and congrats on the courage to do such important, healing work. 

[Sunfl0wer]

Hi jhkbuzz,

My current T, while does not specialize in trauma appears to use this book as a resource for the basis of his outlook in matters related to trauma.

He suggested that I read it, and tbh, I had issues maintaining focus enough to read and recall what I am reading when I sat to read this on several occasions.

I would love to read and discuss though because reading and then discussing will help me process the information enough to recall it and can help me continue reading.

I feel like I should start a chapter at a time and summarize briefly at the end of each chapter.  Maybe I can try to do that here if you don't mind?  Or maybe a separate thread so that the focus here stays on your healing?

Thank you for sharing the impact this work is having on you!  Very enlightening!

I suspect and hope I can tap into more therapeutic potential with my current T after digesting this book better.

~SF

[jhkbuzz]

Hi jhkbuzz,

I haven't read the book yet, but I've trained with Bessen van der Kolk (trauma sensitive yoga) and firmly believe that any talk therapy for trauma, anxiety, depression, etc. Is enhanced by including the body. Bodywork, yoga, meditation, dancd,Tai Chi--and the like-these are beneficial methods that are so helpful.

From my own experience, I'm convinced that trauma is held in the body; I've.had similar physical symptoms that are/were so obviously connected to me emotional states, e.g skin issues. For example, about 6  months into my grieving process after the death of my father, breakup with pwBPD, and subsequent breakdown of a sibling relationship and friendship, I started to have back pain and a lot of tightness in the general area of my pelvis (front and back, related to the fight/flight/freeze response that can tighten the trunk stabilizing psoas muscle). One day in therapy I was sitting there talking, feeling the ache in my back, then suddenly I let out a lot of sadness with crying, etc., and immediately it felt like a vice had released the muscles of my back. It didn't last long, but happened again when I laughed out loud at something ( not in therapy  . Gradually, through time having bodywork (like Rolfing) done, yoga and feeling my feelings, my back is so much better and stronger, mirroring the emotional recovery and growth that I've experienced (that said, I think many things can take much more time, and some issues will be managed for many years if not lifelong, depending on myriad factors).

I also recommend Dr. Peter Levine, who has written books on healing trauma... .he also advocates including the body in recovery. I really like what your therapist said, reminding you to notice your body and your connection to your surroundings during your sessions. I would say that becoming aware of and gently directing your breathing is another powerful way to process emotional issues. Grounding the body is important because trauma survivors are often very out of touch with their physical bodies, as you mention in your post.

So, I'm a fan, and would love a therapist who incorporated the body into our talk therapy sessions. I think the body really is a wonderful gateway to the peace and presence that we truly are, but may have forgotten. 

heartandwhole

Thanks for your response - I just started to notice Peter Levine's books in Amazon today, and was thinking that I'd have to check them out after I'm finished with this one!

The interesting thing about the book is that it talks about the different regions of the brain and how the brain is organized primarily for our survival - that is its number one task. So I can "understand" that the men I meet today are not a threat to me but, as the book says, "No matter how much insight and understanding we develop, the rational brain is basically impotent to talk the emotional brain out of its own reality." That has been the crux of my frustration; that I understand my anxiousness but my nervous system keeps responding to men as though they are a present-day threat - almost a "just in case" response.

Another quote from the book:  "We have discovered that helping victims of trauma find the words to describe what has happened to them is profoundly meaningful, but usually it is not enough. The act of telling the story doesn’t necessarily alter the automatic physical and hormonal responses of bodies that remain hypervigilant, prepared to be assaulted or violated at any time. For real change to take place, the body needs to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present."

Much of this reading has also given me more empathy for my ex, who was deeply traumatized during childhood.  That's not my focus - but it certainly illustrates the "their behavior isn't something you should take personally" advice that's often given on these boards.

[jhkbuzz]

Wow, jhkbuzz, I love what you've posted here and thank you for doing so.  I don't know about this kind of body work, but it sounds amazingly powerful and "right on."  I will definitely get the book and look very forward to hearing more from you and others.  Thank you and congrats on the courage to do such important, healing work. 

Thank you! In some ways, it's more like "brain" work. Our midbrain, a more ancient part of the brain (that includes our emotions and our "fight or flight" responses, for example) is a powerful driver of behavior. Think of the "scary guy" you might see as you're walking down the street alone at night. Before you've even had the chance to evaluate whether your fear of him is reasonable, your body may begin walking more quickly or in another direction, as your forebrain tags along, trying to decide if you're just being overzealous and silly. That's the function of the midbrain - to make sure you survive at all costs.

And this is a pretty good system, until trauma is involved. So for me, it doesn't matter how much I want to be in a r/s with a man (my exBPD partner was a woman), it doesn't matter how attracted or intrigued I am, the minute things start to get interesting my pulse raises and I become anxious and every part of my body is telling me to escape - even though my rational mind understands that I'm not in any danger.

[jhkbuzz]

Hi jhkbuzz,

My current T, while does not specialize in trauma appears to use this book as a resource for the basis of his outlook in matters related to trauma.

He suggested that I read it, and tbh, I had issues maintaining focus enough to read and recall what I am reading when I sat to read this on several occasions.

I would love to read and discuss though because reading and then discussing will help me process the information enough to recall it and can help me continue reading.

I feel like I should start a chapter at a time and summarize briefly at the end of each chapter.  Maybe I can try to do that here if you don't mind?  Or maybe a separate thread so that the focus here stays on your healing?

Thank you for sharing the impact this work is having on you!  Very enlightening!

I suspect and hope I can tap into more therapeutic potential with my current T after digesting this book better.

~SF

I'd enjoy those conversations - feel free to post!

I think I'm finding it easy to digest the book because I have a background in psychology, and because I found learning about brain function fascinating when I was in college. Without that background it would be some sloow reading!