It's service day Need your good thoughts...

[flourdust]

The decree & petition are done, and they've been bundled together with a cover letter that clearly summarizes everything and copies of all our financial statements. I've called stbxBPDwife to let her know to expect service of my proposed settlement.

It was a typical conversation -- she has a lot of (understandable) anxiety and probably other negative feelings about moving forward with this divorce, so that translated into arguing with me that I was controlling, hiding information from her, forcing her to stay in her apartment for two hours to await paperwork, etc. 

The paperwork gets served this afternoon. I've taken the rest of the week off from work. I'm going to be changing the locks and alarm codes for the house, separating and closing joint accounts, notifying close friends and family... .

and bracing myself for whatever comes next. Which could be anything, because she's BPD, and as erratic as a spun-up top.

Wish me strength, folks. S*** just got real.

[Lilyroze]

Good luck Flourdust, so sorry it didn't work out. Hard to face and go through, on top of all the legal now. Keep your chin up, keep going forward and do what is best for you.

[Panda39]

You'll get through this, wishing you the best.

Panda39

[sanemom]

Good luck!  Maybe she will surprise you and lay low for a while... .but even if she does that, don't get too comfortable!

[flourdust]

Good luck!  Maybe she will surprise you and lay low for a while... .but even if she does that, don't get too comfortable!

Thanks, folks. No worries about getting too comfortable. We had a discussion, of sorts, yesterday afternoon. She had a bunch of complaints, objections, and questions about things in the proposal -- some legitimate issues that we may disagree on but she can try to negotiate or contest, some things that she thinks she is entitled to (but the law says otherwise), and some venting and threatening. She was particularly upset that I'm separating our finances and changing the locks to the house -- she threatened to move back in and force me to move out, and to take our daughter and run. I warned her quite clearly that if she did those things, I'd file an injunction against her immediately and it would harm her chances in any future custody battle. I'm not TOO worried, because she makes these kind of threats and promises in the heat of emotion but doesn't really follow through on them. As is always the case with BPD, you have to pay closer attention to their actions than their words.

[sanemom]

Good luck!  Maybe she will surprise you and lay low for a while... .but even if she does that, don't get too comfortable!

Thanks, folks. No worries about getting too comfortable. We had a discussion, of sorts, yesterday afternoon. She had a bunch of complaints, objections, and questions about things in the proposal -- some legitimate issues that we may disagree on but she can try to negotiate or contest, some things that she thinks she is entitled to (but the law says otherwise), and some venting and threatening. She was particularly upset that I'm separating our finances and changing the locks to the house -- she threatened to move back in and force me to move out, and to take our daughter and run. I warned her quite clearly that if she did those things, I'd file an injunction against her immediately and it would harm her chances in any future custody battle. I'm not TOO worried, because she makes these kind of threats and promises in the heat of emotion but doesn't really follow through on them. As is always the case with BPD, you have to pay closer attention to their actions than their words.

Is she getting her own attorney?

[flourdust]

Good luck!  Maybe she will surprise you and lay low for a while... .but even if she does that, don't get too comfortable!

Thanks, folks. No worries about getting too comfortable. We had a discussion, of sorts, yesterday afternoon. She had a bunch of complaints, objections, and questions about things in the proposal -- some legitimate issues that we may disagree on but she can try to negotiate or contest, some things that she thinks she is entitled to (but the law says otherwise), and some venting and threatening. She was particularly upset that I'm separating our finances and changing the locks to the house -- she threatened to move back in and force me to move out, and to take our daughter and run. I warned her quite clearly that if she did those things, I'd file an injunction against her immediately and it would harm her chances in any future custody battle. I'm not TOO worried, because she makes these kind of threats and promises in the heat of emotion but doesn't really follow through on them. As is always the case with BPD, you have to pay closer attention to their actions than their words.

Is she getting her own attorney?

At minimum, she's paying one for a consultation to explain the documents to her and answer her questions. That's smart. After that, though, it depends on how much she wants to fight.