Learning to be Present

[Sunfl0wer]

So I am working through the book:

Coping with Trauma Related Dissociation

I am on Chapter 1, and the first exercise is "Learning to be Present."

It starts with visually observing 3 objects in the room and then out loud, naming three characteristics of the object.

Then you do the same with sound, and touch.

After that, you go back to the originally observed objects and you observe them again and put your attention at really being present and in the same room with the objects.

After that, you do that with sound and touch too, making yourself present with these.

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I am able to find three objects, and begin to come up with characteristics for each, yet somewhere around object two or three I begin to fade away.

I find myself fading into thoughts of:

This room really needs a good tidying.  I really should get new curtains. Etc.  Just judgmental thoughts about my surroundings and thoughts that make me want to re distance myself.

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I am thinking I have some options here... .

1. Practice this technique outside at a park, in my car,  or such.

2. Clean up a room in the house until I am satisfied with it and see if that helps me to be more present.  Practice the technique again in the tidied up room.

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Anyone else have trouble working on grounding?

Would you mind sharing your experiences please?



Thanks!

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Sunfl0wer.

From the little I know about mindfulness (ie learning to be present), it is quite normal for the mind to wander in the way you describe. The trick is to acknowledge that you have had a thought and then return your attention back to the task in hand, ie on the objects you are observing. The aim of being present, is being present in spite of all the things that make you want to float away, so observing in spite of the mess around you.

Love Lifewriter

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you Lifewriter,

I guess what is hard about being present in spite of all the things that want to make me float away, is that once I start floating, I literally forget that I was doing the exercise to begin with and therefore remain lost in thought.

Maybe I can make myself a cue card with check list?

Sunflower

[Grey Kitty]

I've done a lot of mindfulness meditation, trying to sit and be present for 45 minutes at a time, so I can offer a bit of advice for you:

Meditation halls generally have fewer obvious distractions, but that really doesn't make a big difference--your mind will seek out and find anything to be distracted with anyway, large, or small! Learning to not let your mind run off down a rabbit hole immediately is tough, and it is a skill you build with practice. Lots of it.

The first thing it taught me was humility. Staying present is HARD. Doing it for 5 seconds would be a success for you right now, not a failure. And if you do it for 15 seconds, maybe you will do it for 10 seconds later. So don't feel badly over how things like this are going.

One tip is when you find your mind wandering from what you were trying to stay present with is to gently dismiss your distracting thought by telling it something like this: "Thank you for sharing. You may leave now." [If you start yelling at yourself for not being present, that is another way to keep yourself from being present!] And then put your attention back where you were trying to keep it. As many times as you need to.

[Grey Kitty]

I guess what is hard about being present in spite of all the things that want to make me float away, is that once I start floating, I literally forget that I was doing the exercise to begin with and therefore remain lost in thought.

And yes, this is normal too as part of the practice. As you get used to it, you will become better at noticing sooner that you are lost in thought, and getting back to it.

Again, if you get lost for five or ten minutes, finding your way back after only four minutes is real progress!

What is really amazing is that mindfulness practice really helps you even when your abilities seem really BAD at it. I'm not sure I understand why it works... .but from what I know, the benefits come more from the practice of trying to do it than the actual success at doing it.

Keep at it.

[gotbushels]

Thanks for the thread Sunflower:)

One tip is when you find your mind wandering from what you were trying to stay present with is to gently dismiss your distracting thought by telling it something like this: "Thank you for sharing. You may leave now." [If you start yelling at yourself for not being present, that is another way to keep yourself from being present!] And then put your attention back where you were trying to keep it. As many times as you need to.

Neat trick! Will try this one tomorrow after work:)

[Sunfl0wer]

Ok, this is not entirely comfortable but I am trying to stick with it and progress through it in a way that is comfortable for me.

So here is update where I am at with this... .

Just practiced again now, also had a T session yesterday.

So combining my attempts at grounding and what T is doing, I have come up with... .

I was able to get through identifying three objects, and describing them. 

I felt anxious while doing this at different points.

I paused and sat with the anxious feeling, took three slow counted min 6 second breaths, assessing location of anxious feelings, breathing over/through them.

Returned back to object descriptions.

I am content with this for now.  It did effectively help me to return as much as I typically am present.

So what was added... .

In session there was much focus on pressure at the feet, pushing into the ground, or pumping calves by rocking on toes to heels.  He expressed that it is hard to not feel grounded when your feet are grounded and alert.  This pressure grounding can extend to pushing back on surface at back to.

The breathing part was new also.

Also, he would pause and have me assess how present I was.  He uses either a visual scale, or asks me to measure with my hand.  Not present at all is a point on the back of the head.  Very present is as far out in front as the arm can reach.  Apparently a few inches forward of the forehead is present enough to drive.

While naming object, and breathing, I kept trying to determine where I was on the scale of being present.  This actually helped me become more present.

Other tips from him and book, but I didn't  use today... .

A taste that is grounding

A smell that is grounding

T offered me lavender scent.  Instead, last session, I brought my own scent, a more minty alerting one.

I also put a bag of my favorite dried ginger chunks in my purse.  What could be more alerting than the wonderful burn and scent clouding my whole face than those?

Thanks for sharing!  I am still going to be progressing on this one a bit!

[Sunfl0wer]

"Thank you for sharing. You may leave now."

I have tried this and sometimes it works, but sometimes it leaves me more distracted.

I think that if I can feel the anxiety before I even form words to describe where it is coming from and sit with it and work on the breathing, that this may help me stay focused a bit more.

It seems that as soon as my thoughts hit the translation of words, panic can set in and that is harder to work through than the original creeping up feelings of fear.

[Naughty Nibbler]

HEY SUNFLOWER:

I started to read "The Happiness Trap", and I've just started to work on some of the exercises the book provides.  Thought I'd share another version of a mindfulness exercise. 

For me, I'd probably try the bath, instead of the shower and add some essential oil (and epsom salts) in the bath water. 

Have you tried guided meditation?  My therapist recommended it to me.  I found several free guided meditations on YouTube (that I downloaded to an Ipad).  It took me awhile to preview several, to find the voices I liked and the imagery that suited me.  Guided meditation is different from mindfulness exercises, but it can be helpful with reducing stress and reinforcing some positive thought patterns to deal with various situations.

************THE EXERCISE BELOW IS FROM THE BOOK, "THE HAPPINESS TRAP" (Uses ACT Therapy)***********

Informal Mindfulness Exercises

We’re all busy, and many of us don’t have time (or are unwilling to make time) to formally practice mindfulness skills. However, we can practice informally throughout the day. Here are a couple of examples:

1) Mindfulness in Your Morning Routine

Pick an activity that constitutes part of your daily morning routine, such as brushing your teeth, shaving, or having a shower. When you do it, totally focus on what you are doing: the body movements, the taste, the touch, the smell, the sight, the sound etc.

For example, when you’re in the shower, notice the sounds of the water as it sprays out of the nozzle, and as it hits your body as it gurgles down the hole. Notice the temperature of the water, and the feel of it in your hair, and on your shoulders, and running down our legs. Notice the smell of the soap and shampoo, and the feel of them against your skin. Notice the sight of the water droplets on the walls or shower screen, the water dripping down your body and the steam rising upwards. Notice the movements of your arms as you wash or scrub or shampoo.

When thoughts arise, acknowledge them, let them be, and bring your attention back to the shower.

Again and again, your attention will wander. As soon as you realize this has happened, gently acknowledge it, note what distracted you, and bring your attention back to the shower.

2) Mindfulness of Domestic Chores

Pick a chore that you normally try to rush through, or distract yourself from; or one for which you just ‘grit your teeth’ and try to ‘get through it’. For example: ironing clothes, washing dishes, vacuuming floors, making the kids’ lunches. Aim to do this chore as a mindfulness practice.

E.g., when ironing clothes: notice the color and shape of the clothing, and the pattern made by the creases, and the new pattern as the creases disappear. Notice the hiss of the steam, the creak of the ironing board, the faint sound of the iron moving over the material.

Notice the grip of your hand on the iron, and the movement of your arm and your shoulder.

If boredom or frustration arises, simply acknowledge it, and bring your attention back to the task at hand.

When thoughts arise, acknowledge them, let them be, and bring your attention back to what you are doing.

Again and again, your attention will wander. As soon as you realize this has happened, gently acknowledge it, note what distracted you, and bring your attention back to your current activity.

Now write down some informal mindfulness exercises for yourself:

During my morning routine, I will practice mindfulness of ………………………………….….

During my evening routine, I will practice mindfulness of ……………………………………….

During the week, I will practice mindfulness of the following chore (s) ………………………….

Now write down any other quick ’n’ easy informal mindfulness exercises you can think of – e.g. while waiting in queues or at traffic lights you could practice mindfulness of your impatience; or when eating dinner, you could aim to eat the first two mouthfuls mindfully.

At the

[Sunfl0wer]

Bringing this up again as I expect this to be an area that I will be working, ongoing for ... .a long time.

Naughty Nibbler:
Thanks for sharing the info from "The Happiness Trap."  I googled to read more about it and they offered the first chapter of the book online, neat.  It is very similar to many things that I have read in my studies of Buddhism, as there is an emphasis on mindfulness there as well, I like it!  So much of what you wrote is in line with where I am headed with things!

I have practiced mindfulness the way you provide examples of, like when doing the dishes and such.  I do enjoy this, and somehow, the dishes is always my favorite practice place, sometimes scrubbing, washing floor, and washing myself are other preferred places to practice mindfulness.  I enjoy the reminders, thanks! And I want to expand this to beyond several tasks a day. (Where I am currently at, but I do reach levels of mindfulness now without being so conscious of it! . I want to continue this growth.   )

Update since last posting:
So now having had some time to practice this more, just want to jot down what has helped for me... .

1. Not getting hung up in following a specific grounding protocol to the "prescription," rather, looking inward to choose something, make it my own, and enjoying using it.

2.  I read something about "lucid dreaming." I borrowed a technique from that info.  It said to imagine an item, and imagine all about the item, sensory-wise from all angles or something similar.  I find my use of the grounding tool to look for items in my surroundings, say, that are green, then I really focus strongly on some "Matrix 360 view" of the item and imagine what the item is like with all my senses as I rotate my "vision"/awareness on it.  This is pretty neat, enjoyable, very effective for me.  (I don't get hung up on how many green items to find or such, I just pay more attention to my experience of it facilitating feelings of being present rather than the success/or not of any such method/tool.)

3. I cannot recall where I found the wonderful advice to listen to the guided meditations of Deepak Chopra, so if it was a member reading this, THANK you!  I absolutely LOVE listening to his guided meditations on health, healing, and weight loss, all available online free! Wow!  I may listen to guided meditations several times a week, I try to include Deepak at least one of those times.  It really gets my mind in a great space.  

Oh, on the topic of meditations, another great one I found to help me sleep, that I listen to almost nightly:   (It is a bedtime story meditation for kids and adults, simply brilliant!)
My adult parts and kid parts in me enjoy it thoroughly!
https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=QUAEDWwUL6g

4. Structure - Well, I feel that having a bit more structure in my life will help me stay present as it will relieve stress, minimize some decision making, simplify life, etc. it is a work in progress, so under the topic of things that have worked thus far, um... .this is one I am challenged by and working, not exactly in category of "has helped me since last posting," but worthy of being mentioned.

5. Breathing! - Sounds so simple, yet I feel I can grow on my ability to breath over the next years! I started intentionally focusing on my breathing much more.  Focus during meditations.  During work.  During stress.  During relaxation.  Just really enjoying my breathing and listening to what it is saying and responding to it.  If it feels constricted due to stress, posture, etc, I listen, allow it to ease.  Same goes for body sensations and emotions.  I breath to them all, find them in my breath, care for them with my breath.  Sometimes I care for them with a movement, slight even, to communicate to a sore leg in some way that I care for it, am aware of it, vs before I would tune out my pain and discomforts more easily, automatically.

[fromheeltoheal]

Anyone else have trouble working on grounding?

I didn't think so, I've always been able to outrun my emotions and it seemed to work, although no.  I've been learning a lot about CPTSD lately, and the four trauma reaction types, and my predominant one is flight.  Well duh.  Didn't need to be told that, and it's not like some unique thing I have, we all respond to stressors using all 4 reaction types, the issue arises when they are imbalanced and we use one predominantly and inappropriately.

So without going too far down that path, the solution to inordinate flight is grounding, moving into our bodies, making feelings more important than thoughts.  I've done a bunch of sitting and just being, no noise, no technology, no distraction, just be, and I've done OK, but no massive benefit.  And for the last year I've been using brainwave entrainment, the use of sound at specific frequencies which your brain then emulates, and it makes it very easy to enter alpha, theta and delta brainwave states, and when I do that my entire body relaxes and I feel my mind go down, down, down into a trance-like state, and it's actually hard to think of anything for long without going back into mellow.  Very good for me.  And lately I've been adding affirmations while in a deep state, they seem to go in better in that state.  And all of that is me not running, feeling my way into my body, chilling; kinda wish I'd done that decades ago, but there was no way, too busy running, no time like the present... .

[gotbushels]

Naughty Nibbler:
Thanks for sharing the info from "The Happiness Trap."  I googled to read more about it and they offered the first chapter of the book online, neat.  It is very similar to many things that I have read in my studies of Buddhism, as there is an emphasis on mindfulness there as well, I like it!  So much of what you wrote is in line with where I am headed with things!

I have practiced mindfulness the way you provide examples of, like when doing the dishes and such.  I do enjoy this, and somehow, the dishes is always my favorite practice place, sometimes scrubbing, washing floor, and washing myself are other preferred places to practice mindfulness.  I enjoy the reminders, thanks! And I want to expand this to beyond several tasks a day. (Where I am currently at, but I do reach levels of mindfulness now without being so conscious of it! . I want to continue this growth.   )

Thanks for the ongoing discussion on this thread. I haven't had time to get through the book. I'm interested in seeing how you guys put it into practice. I try to do the morning mindfulness and might add the evening one too.

[Sunfl0wer]

Anyone else have trouble working on grounding?

I didn't think so, I've always been able to outrun my emotions and it seemed to work, although no.  I've been learning a lot about CPTSD lately, and the four trauma reaction types, and my predominant one is flight.  Well duh.  Didn't need to be told that, and it's not like some unique thing I have, we all respond to stressors using all 4 reaction types, the issue arises when they are imbalanced and we use one predominantly and inappropriately.

So without going too far down that path, the solution to inordinate flight is grounding, moving into our bodies, making feelings more important than thoughts.  I've done a bunch of sitting and just being, no noise, no technology, no distraction, just be, and I've done OK, but no massive benefit.  And for the last year I've been using brainwave entrainment, the use of sound at specific frequencies which your brain then emulates, and it makes it very easy to enter alpha, theta and delta brainwave states, and when I do that my entire body relaxes and I feel my mind go down, down, down into a trance-like state, and it's actually hard to think of anything for long without going back into mellow.  Very good for me.  And lately I've been adding affirmations while in a deep state, they seem to go in better in that state.  And all of that is me not running, feeling my way into my body, chilling; kinda wish I'd done that decades ago, but there was no way, too busy running, no time like the present... .

Well, this is certainly interesting news to me.  I only recently (past year) learned well about the response "Freeze" and thought there were only 3 responses.  So when I heard of "freeze" realized this was so much more Me than either fight or flight.

Fawn is now a new one to learn and see how that may or may not fit in with my own experiences.

Would you mind sharing a link or so, if you know of one, regarding some of what you are explaining? 

I recently read about the brain wave stuff you mention as well, yet this is new to me.  Thanks for sharing, a link on that would be awesome too.  (Just hard for me to focus and find info these days, hopefully I may be able to google and provide a link)

[Sunfl0wer]

Thanks for the ongoing discussion on this thread. I haven't had time to get through the book. I'm interested in seeing how you guys put it into practice. I try to do the morning mindfulness and might add the evening one too.

Hey gotbushels,

Thanks for reply.  For me, I seem to be doing well with creating my own eclectic approach to this, borrowing bits and pieces from here and there and doing what feels most right to me.

Would you mind sharing your experiences with mindfulness?
(If you don't mind: Are you doing one from the book NN mentions?  What parts feel right for you? What obstacles exist? And whatever else you care to share )

[Sunfl0wer]

Ok, so found this:
www.pete-walker.com/fourFs_TraumaTypologyComplexPTSD.htm

Pretty interesting how the way one responds to stressors is related to the ability to remain present.

I will need to come back and reread this site several times before I can fully digest it and see my own connections.

[Naughty Nibbler]

I find that I've collected a lot of mind-taming tools.  It is something I always have to work on (perhaps schedule it).  I know that various forms of meditation and mindfulness help.  I just have to work on maintaining this "good habit"

for the last year I've been using brainwave entrainment, the use of sound at specific frequencies which your brain then emulates, and it makes it very easy to enter alpha, theta and delta brainwave states, and when I do that my entire body relaxes and I feel my mind go down, down, down into a trance-like state, and it's actually hard to think of anything for long without going back into mellow.  Very good for me.  And lately I've been adding affirmations while in a deep state, they seem to go in better in that state.  And all of that is me not running, feeling my way into my body, chilling; kinda wish I'd done that decades ago, but there was no way, too busy running, no time like the present... .

I've purchased multiple music/sound tracts from the Itunes Store, either as an album or singles.  I've, also, purchased nature sounds.  I make various playlists. It can be rather fun, to mix it up.

For me, I seem to be doing well with creating my own eclectic approach to this, borrowing bits and pieces from here and there and doing what feels most right to me.

I've acquired a rather varied collection, and it is nice to have some variety (TM meditation to music/sounds, hypnosis, guided meditations, audio & audio/video). I recently viewed the audio/video guided meditation at the link below.   I have to say that it will be a "keeper" for me.  I found the movement of the water in the video very calming.  It is something that you can view on a phone, tablet/ipad.  Here is the link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Lo5tUXkVI

I use the little free converter tool below to download audio or audio/video for guided meditations.  I download to my computer and then upload to my Ipad.  I plan to load it on my phone as well.  The advantage of having the meditations on you device, is that you don't have to use your data minutes to use it.
www.clipconverter.cc/

I've, also, purchased a couple of editing apps.  Something I plan to do is to do some editing on some long meditations and/or sound tracts and turn some long guided meditations into shorter meditations and just making some combinations of Itune singles more personal.

[gotbushels]

Sure. I use the bits and pieces approach you use 

I don't have a BP partner anymore so I don't use anywhere near the same number of tools. I mainly use:
1. Controlled breathing
2. Paying attention to first-degree thoughts
3. Emotional separation
I picked these up from my relationship and they work fine for me.

Are you doing one from the book NN mentions?

I'm not using The Happiness Trap at the moment. I did play with some of the things. There's one where he shares how to sing happy birthday with a negative emotion and it's... .well you have to try it. 

What parts feel right for you?

Mainly the three above--I think it's a matter of personal preference though.

What obstacles exist?

No obstacle comes to mind. I'll perhaps just add that personal mindfulness feels to me very, very, very different from handling a BP's dysregulation episode. Obstructions are added with everything new the non is trying to do. Here's a great post about what that's like:

(... .)
Unless of course you're a perfect 100%, all the time: validating, not j.a.d.e.ing, staying calm, walking away from conflict, being compassionate, not being too co-dependent/care-taking, setting up your boundaries.

It's not like being human, at home, in normal life. It's like war. You don't get to mess up; cause if you do, you've just stepped on a grenade, or taken a bullet, and you're back to square 1, trying to 'Stop the Bleeding'.

And whatever else you care to share

Perhaps have fun with it?