The final straw breaking up with her

[Rayban]

Saw my exBPDgf yesterday and I'm feeling like I'm turning into a monster. We stayed up till 6 in the morning, and I told her all the reasons why we can't make this work. I went overboard and told her that my love will never be enough, and listed examples of how she needs multiple sourced of male validation in her life. She stumped me by saying then why do I even want her in my life. I told her deep down, I don't. It ended with her having a a panic attack and wanting to leave my apartment. I called and payed for a cab to get her home. I know that staying away from her is the only solution. I m just upset about how I went about it.

I'm also afraid of what shes capable of in terms of retaliation. I stooped to her level and I feel like the bad person in all of this. I hate to see her crying and in a panic attack. It broke my heart, but I had to do it to get rid of her once and for all. Is it normal to take on their traits, and become the abuser they make us out to be?

I'm in serious pain and need help.

[kc sunshine]

Right now the main thing is that you did it-- you said what you needed and what you couldn't take. That is huge. I know it is so tough and the FOG is so heavy but you said what you needed to say. Getting out of these relationships is tremendously difficult and you did it.

[Rayban]

Right now the main thing is that you did it-- you said what you needed and what you couldn't take. That is huge. I know it is so tough and the FOG is so heavy but you said what you needed to say. Getting out of these relationships is tremendously difficult and you did it.

Thanks KC.


I think I got to the point where I give her no incentive to contact me. I spoke to my brother today, and hesais the exact same thing. Do what you have to, to get her out of my life. It just hurts to see her feel hurt.

[Circle]

I don't know if it's normal to take on their traits, or not. What you did, was be totally honest. Really, is being straight-up-honest abusive? Since when? It doesn't help, to beat yourself up for being real with her. You have to back yourself up. So sorry that you are having to deal with the mind games. It's a labyrinth. Hang in there with supporting yourself!

[asphyx]

I stooped to her level and I feel like the bad person in all of this. I hate to see her crying and in a panic attack. It broke my heart, but I had to do it to get rid of her once and for all. Is it normal to take on their traits, and become the abuser they make us out to be?

I'm in serious pain and need help.

You didn't stoop to her level, you stuck to your guns and did fine. Nothing you mentioned sounds like abuse at all. Being honest about your feelings is not being abusive.

There's no easy way to break up with them, it's invariably going to be a massive drama with you being labelled the bad guy. Breaking up with my exBPD was the hardest thing I've ever done, even though I knew she cheated on me. She begged for me to take her back and turned it back onto me, asking 'how could you do this to me?'. It's all manipulation to make you feel bad, to prevent you from abandoning them. I have to keep reminding myself of this as well, as a caretaker it is unbelievably hard to not feel sorry for them and want to help them.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

Saw my exBPDgf yesterday and I'm feeling like I'm turning into a monster. We stayed up till 6 in the morning, and I told her all the reasons why we can't make this work. I went overboard and told her that my love will never be enough, and listed examples of how she needs multiple sourced of male validation in her life. She stumped me by saying then why do I even want her in my life. I told her deep down, I don't. It ended with her having a a panic attack and wanting to leave my apartment. I called and payed for a cab to get her home. I know that staying away from her is the only solution. I m just upset about how I went about it.

I'm also afraid of what shes capable of in terms of retaliation. I stooped to her level and I feel like the bad person in all of this. I hate to see her crying and in a panic attack. It broke my heart, but I had to do it to get rid of her once and for all. Is it normal to take on their traits, and become the abuser they make us out to be?

I'm in serious pain and need help.

Rayban,

I would suggest not to feel guilt in all of this, I know it is very hard not too felt guilty. I did the exact same thing. I broke up with my uBPDex and I believe it was the hardest thing I've done in my life. She left my condo crying with her packed clothes and some other items she owned. I was devastated but I did not trust her anymore. She had killed all the trust I had for her. I had to get rid of her to rebuild myself. My health was deteriorating. My gut instinct keep telling to get away from this person or things would turn out a lot worse.  In the long run it will be the best thing you've done in my opinion.

Good Luck.

[Fr4nz]

Right now the main thing is that you did it-- you said what you needed and what you couldn't take. That is huge. I know it is so tough and the FOG is so heavy but you said what you needed to say. Getting out of these relationships is tremendously difficult and you did it.

I agree with kc, you were absolutely brilliant!

If I only had the strength to terminate the relationship with my ex when I could... .that would have spared me lots of pain.

[JerryRG]

I agree with  Notsurewhattothinkofthis

These choices are painful and difficult but it is the best for us and things won't improve unless our so want to change, some can, some won't and some don't understand the seriousness of their illness, it isn't our responsibility to save them.