New to board, ISO better coping skills

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hello my name is Angel, I am a 43 year old female who has been on and off with my ex-husband, Lacy since 2001. We have one child together, our son stays with my parents full-time. I am diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, ADHD. I currently take two types of anti-depressants and have seen an improvement in my depression, I practice cognitive therapy.

My relationship with Lacy is currently off by his choice. This relationship is not healthy and has not been for years. He has been both physically and verbally abusive to me for years. I live apart from him since Dec 2015. He was violent over this past Christmas and I was placed in a domestic shelter until I was able to get my own apartment (ive been here now 6 months). I continued to have a relationship with Lacy after I moved into my apartment.

My father has became very ill with cancer and my parents need my help and support.  Both Lacy and I want to be apart but we keep coming right back to each other, to the same unhealthy relationship. I can not be any help to my parents with this toxic relationship. It effects to me points that I cut myself and binge drink.

I need and want help staying away from Lacy. I need and want help finding the self love I need to be healthy. I have made a choice to not date anyone else because I realize I am not healthy enough for a good relationship. I do not want to go thru this living hell with anyone else. I accept responsibility for my improper boundaries, I accept responsibility for poor coping skills. I have been hospitalized many times for depression, I learned many good coping skills for depression but I have none when it comes to the pain of BPD. I have allowed Lacy to define me as a person, Ive allowed his verbal abuse to get inside of head. I am very insecure and feel awkward around most people. It is bad enough that I can not keep a job. Before Lacy I worked at the same job for 8 years.

My goals are to stay away from Lacy, learn better coping skills, obtain work and stay working, learn how to feel comfortable around other people(I fear they all think the negative stuff Lacy says to me), learn self love.

thank you for listening.
Angel

[angel1972]

Hello my name is Angel, I am a 43 year old female who has been on and off with my ex-husband, Lacy since 2001. We have one child together, our son stays with my parents full-time. I am diagnosed with BPD, PTSD, severe depression, anxiety, ADHD. I currently take two types of anti-depressants and have seen an improvement in my depression, I practice cognitive therapy.

My relationship with Lacy is currently off by his choice. This relationship is not healthy and has not been for years. He has been both physically and verbally abusive to me for years. I live apart from him since Dec 2015. He was violent over this past Christmas and I was placed in a domestic shelter until I was able to get my own apartment (ive been here now 6 months). I continued to have a relationship with Lacy after I moved into my apartment.

My father has became very ill with cancer and my parents need my help and support.  Both Lacy and I want to be apart but we keep coming right back to each other, to the same unhealthy relationship. I can not be any help to my parents with this toxic relationship. It effects to me points that I cut myself and binge drink.

I need and want help staying away from Lacy. I need and want help finding the self love I need to be healthy. I have made a choice to not date anyone else because I realize I am not healthy enough for a good relationship. I do not want to go thru this living hell with anyone else. I accept responsibility for my improper boundaries, I accept responsibility for poor coping skills. I have been hospitalized many times for depression, I learned many good coping skills for depression but I have none when it comes to the pain of BPD. I have allowed Lacy to define me as a person, Ive allowed his verbal abuse to get inside of head. I am very insecure and feel awkward around most people. It is bad enough that I can not keep a job. Before Lacy I worked at the same job for 8 years.

My goals are to stay away from Lacy, learn better coping skills, obtain work and stay working, learn how to feel comfortable around other people(I fear they all think the negative stuff Lacy says to me), learn self love.

thank you for listening.
Angel

[Turkish]

Hi angel,

You've been struggling a lot,  but also have realized that you need boundaries,  and to be your own person who defines herself. 

You've been in a situation where you've not been safe,  and I encourage you to reach out to those resources again if you need them.  It isn't uncommon to return to an abusive relationship. They've seen this and can help. 

BPD Family,  however,  is tailored to support members who don't have BPD,  but are either looking to improve their relationships with those who have BPD, or are looking to detach from relationships with partners who have BPD.  As such,  our resources here are limited.  The stories here may also be triggering to you. 

I encourage you to explore here for support to find boards who can better support you:

Resources for BPD Sufferers

Take care,

Turkish