Got punched in the gut again

[JerryRG]

Hello everyone

Son's mother wanted me to drop our son off at her brothers and then had to say she didn't feel safe being around me alone. If that isn't the biggest joke I've ever heard.

Anyway I blew it, I told her to grow up and get help!

I'm allowing her to steal my serenity!

On well, better days ahead, just need to use the tools.

Found out today my son's new bf tried breaking into her building through a window, friend of a friend lives in the same building, another time he was locked out and beat on her door screaming to let him in.

Yes, match made in heaven

[Herodias]

I think that comment is some kind of projection. I think she meant it wasn't safe for you to be around her. You mean it's her bf that is breaking into places? Sounds like she has gotten herself into a mess. It is a good idea to do an exchange away from your place as I have suggested before. If the bf follows her ever, he may start stalking you... .he may know about her flirting with you. Who knows what she has told him! I would just agree with her and keep it that way if you can... .

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue

You put things into a perspective I never would have thought about, this new bf isn't from this area, spent many years living on the streets and very heavy into criminal activity. My exgf said she knew nothing about his history. Only someone unstable would invite someone they know nothing about into their home and be around our son. Her bf has stayed he intends on giving our son away. Would any father not be angry at such a statement?

He's a punk and maybe dangerous, she has a nack for picking the most horrible guy she can find. Maybe subconscious?

[Herodias]

Not sure about subconscious or not, some would say water seeks it's own level. Were you drinking when she met you? Does she do drugs with him? Mine did all of that when we met, we were drinking and I was more open to anything before I knew what a problem it was for him... .when I stopped, he said I had changed and he missed the person he had met... .Just a thought there. Although he wanted to be with someone who drank and he was trying to get the current gf to drink- she is not a drinker- another reason they will fail. He really wanted to be with someone who drank with him-... .Also-when something they say about you doesn't make sense, usually they are talking about themselves. At least that is what I have found... .I actually just saw this with my Mother last night. She has dementia and is narcissistic. She was looking at my step father telling him that she knew he didn't like the furniture arrangement. He was baffled because he had said nothing... .I told her, "Mom, you are the one who doesn't like the furniture arrangement, stop blaming my step father"... .She fought and fought and then stopped... .It's craziness, but I see it now very clearly. My ex would tell me that I was a very mean person after he had just done something mean to me... .I would just say, yes you are - it stopped the whole argument. I baffled him back,

[GaGrl]

You can just tell her, "Yes, it isn't safe for me to be around you.  You have made false accusations. Where do you want to do future exchanges -- the police station?"

[stimpy]

Yeah, I know this one. It's a way of trying to shame you and unsettle you, maybe even provoke you. Mine would not answer the phone saying she was afraid I might be angry. Of course, no evidence that I might be angry or not, it was just in her head.

So hard to know how to respond, I feel for you JerryRG.

Very hard to avoid the JADE thing, but then what do you do instead. Sorry I have no solution, but I know exactly the scenario you describe.

Maybe just remember that this is a reflection of what is going on in her mind, and she pretty much can't help it.

[JerryRG]

Thank you

Just got a call from our local police, son's mother told them I'm keeping our son from her. I told them the truth and she knows I have to work yet plays games and tries to keep me from going to work. They didn't seem too upset and most of them know her and the real situation. She has a very bad reputation in our community for causing problems and dramatic behavior.

I will do better next time, this is such a waste of precious energy, time and peace.

[Herodias]

Oh no! She's really playing hard ball with you. Now you need to get serious. She's setting you up because you are trying to get custody- what do the police think? I know the police understand mental illness here and know how to deal with it. The NAMI group work with the police here. Try not to make Snide comments that will make her mad. Kill her with kindness. I screwed up by making mine mad and I think that's part of my having a lawsuit against me. There is no working together now. She already made that first allegation. Did they suggest you not have her come to your place anymore? I don't think you should. Be very careful. So sorry.

[JerryRG]

Thanks Blue

The police don't listen to her, they called because I'm sure it was what they are forced to do, the officer just asked me what was going on and said ok and wanted to hang up before I even explained the detail, they have serious issues to deal with.

Yes she's becoming desperate and text me tonight and explained about her car, her bf and her job interviews which I'm sure never happend. The point is I don't care about her life or the garbage she throws in my face every single time I need to discuss our son.

She's an emotional vampire and I'm done allowing that parasite any free food.

[married21years]

stay strong bud

you are doing so well

[JerryRG]

Thank you married21years

Son's back with his mom, I blew the script and responded to her rediculous statement of her not being safe around me. Sponsor said this will just prolong her detachment from me and the suffering will continue. Mom wouldn't respond to my texts this evening to see how he's doing.

Not sure what's going on, I've had him 16 days by myself and I miss him bad. I hope he's safe.

[married21years]

Thank you married21years

Son's back with his mom, I blew the script and responded to her rediculous statement of her not being safe around me. Sponsor said this will just prolong her detachment from me and the suffering will continue. Mom wouldn't respond to my texts this evening to see how he's doing.

Not sure what's going on, I've had him 16 days by myself and I miss him bad. I hope he's safe.

he is safe he is a source of support and painted white.

give it time and relax, you are on top of things and you dont have to sort everything in a day

these things take time and you need to take one day at a time

deal with todays issues and stop worrying about tommorows   

[JerryRG]

(Yesterday morning)

Poor (son), he wants to wear my shoes and that's ok until I put them on and he gets angry, starts to throw his little train around displaying his fearsome aggression and kicks the table leg with his bear foot, sending him into a cute pain dance and yelling, I couldn't do anything but laugh at the karma being played out before my very eyes. Temper tantrums get us no where (son) at least mine don't. Lol

(Watching him grow up and learning the painful lessons in life is so educational for me as well)