Introduction

[Metamorphias]

Hello!  I have been lurking for sometime and finally found some threads I could participate in so I registered. I am extremely new to BPD. (Although I'm pretty sure I've dealt with it before and ran from it rather than learn good coping and/or communication skills). My son just celebrated his first wedding anniversary to his dBPD wife. (Diagnosed after the wedding). It has been a nightmare year for him (and us). But he is staying with her, committed to 'working on it'.  I have reached out to al-anon and intend to begin attending meetings. (Did I mention I've recently self-diagnosed myself as a co-dependent?)  I am also trying to make an appointment with a therapist for me to heal more of myself and to help me learn how to deal with the situation. I am a survivor of an abusive traumatic childhood and am 'tuning-up' and expanding healing myself since this nightmare started.  I am currently struggling with extreme guilt that, although I removed myself from the toxicity, worked on myself and tried to break the dysfunctional chain, I failed miserably and am the cause of my son's emotional state that causes him to be a victim.  I feel very responsible for his choice to be a doormat for his wife's abuse.  I am concerned that I developed his FOG that she recognized and grabbed.

Short story long I am here to:

Gain empowerment and control of myself
Learn what to expect
Get practical advice or information

[Naughty Nibbler]

Welcome Metamorphias:   

It's good that you decided to come out from the shadows.  I'm so sorry about the situation with your son and your BPD DIL.  How is your DIL handling the diagnosis? Is  she agreeable to getting treatment and participating in improving her relationship with your son?

I am a survivor of an abusive traumatic childhood and am 'tuning-up' and expanding healing myself since this nightmare started.

Did someone from your past have a mental illness/disorder?  (parents or ex partner?) What was the nature of your abuse?

I failed miserably and am the cause of my son's emotional state that causes him to be a victim.  I feel very responsible for his choice to be a doormat for his wife's abuse

In what way do you feel you are responsible?  Was his father in the picture?

If you look to the upper right of this post, you will see several links to helpful information.  Reading some of the lessons here and going to therapy can be a good combination for learning and change.

[Kwamina]

Hi Metamorphias

Joining Naughty Nibbler in welcoming you here

Thanks for introducing yourself to our community. BPD is a challenging disorder but there are things we can learn and do that can enable us to better cope. That's why I think it's a very positive step you've taken by registering here. This site contains a lot of helpful resources and tools.

Your daughter in law has been diagnosed with BPD. What led up to her getting this diagnosis and is she being treated for her BPD?

It has been a nightmare year for him (and us). But he is staying with her, committed to 'working on it'.  I have reached out to al-anon and intend to begin attending meetings. (Did I mention I've recently self-diagnosed myself as a co-dependent?)  I am also trying to make an appointment with a therapist for me to heal more of myself and to help me learn how to deal with the situation.

I am sorry this has been such a though year for you. In what ways do you feel it has been a nightmare? I think it's a good thing you reached out for support and are looking for ways to help you heal yourself

I am a survivor of an abusive traumatic childhood and am 'tuning-up' and expanding healing myself since this nightmare started.

Being abused is horrible and very hard for a child to go through. To help you deal with your own difficult childhood, it might help to take a look at the Survivors' Guide for adults who suffered childhood abuse, you can find it in the right-hand side margin of this board.

I feel very responsible for his choice to be a doormat for his wife's abuse.  I am concerned that I developed his FOG that she recognized and grabbed.

Why do you think you might be the cause of your son's FOG? You mention recently self-diagnosing yourself as co-dependent. Do you perhaps feel you modeled this behavior to your son? Once we know better, we can do better. Perhaps you could have done certain things differently in the past, but at least now you are able to identify the dynamics and that's the first step towards change.

Take care

The Board Parrot