2 years out - and what a difference it makes

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

On the 22nd of this month it will be two years since I last had contact with uBPD ex.

On the plus side - I am very happily single, I spot red flags a mile or two off and just carry on walking, I have a great group of friends who I can trust - most of whom I have known a very long time.

I  am back living in my house on the south coast and a few hundred miles away from my uBPD ex. I am back working security at the gay club that I worked at 7 years ago and I am amongst friends and I am lucky that my bosses I have known 8 years or more. I have peace and tranquility in my life. I am fitter and healthier than I have been in a very long time. I have gone down 3 jean sizes, and look a lot better than I have done in a number of years.

The negatives my uBPD exgf, still turns up fortnightly to sit outside my house (out of view of my CCTV) how do I know this ? well the people that live around me have spotted her on numerous occasions (the last time a week ago), I get anonymous views on my LinkedIn, I get fake accounts regularly on FB, and No Caller ID's on my phone. I have had the flying monkeys as well. You name it she has tried everything to get my attention and a reaction. All of which have failed. My view is if she wants to do it - just crack on I am not letting her get a glimpse or near my life.

Since the 22nd November two years ago, I took all steps to ensure she would never be able to reel me in for a recycle - so I made full use of technology and changed my email address, blocked everywhere that was possible including all known connections and put myself and my family first.

Two years out I am a very different person - I have not actively gone out looking for a date, I avoid online dating like the plague as the red flags that zoom out are just scary. I go out and meet real people spend time getting to know them and then in some cases run. As yet I have not met anyone that I would like to spend time with on any level, but being in a relationship is not the most important thing in my life it is a bonus.

Doing security in a gay club, you see couples that are together maybe for 3 weeks, then they are engaged, living together two months maybe three they have split up, and without any breathing space they are on to the next one. I also see DV between couples where one is being punched in the face and declaring her undying love for the one doing it and so much more. I can only point out that that is not true love and leave then to work it out for themselves. The whole process I have been through just highlighted that I cannot rescue anyone or save anyone all I can do is offer advice, provide a duty of care (as part of my job and ensuring the safety of those involved).

For those of you struggling at the moment with the destruction and the whirlwind you have experienced, it does get better, but you have to commit to breaking all connections and means of contact and start healing and you being in control of your own life and your own destiny. I thought at the time I would never get through it, but I have and I am so much better for it.

You will all get there, just be kind to yourself.

[greenmonkey]

On the 22nd of this month it will be two years since I last had contact with uBPD ex.

On the plus side - I am very happily single, I spot red flags a mile or two off and just carry on walking, I have a great group of friends who I can trust - most of whom I have known a very long time.

I  am back living in my house on the south coast and a few hundred miles away from my uBPD ex. I am back working security at the gay club that I worked at 7 years ago and I am amongst friends and I am lucky that my bosses I have known 8 years or more. I have peace and tranquility in my life. I am fitter and healthier than I have been in a very long time. I have gone down 3 jean sizes, and look a lot better than I have done in a number of years.

The negatives my uBPD exgf, still turns up fortnightly to sit outside my house (out of view of my CCTV) how do I know this ? well the people that live around me have spotted her on numerous occasions (the last time a week ago), I get anonymous views on my LinkedIn, I get fake accounts regularly on FB, and No Caller ID's on my phone. I have had the flying monkeys as well. You name it she has tried everything to get my attention and a reaction. All of which have failed. My view is if she wants to do it - just crack on I am not letting her get a glimpse or near my life.

Since the 22nd November two years ago, I took all steps to ensure she would never be able to reel me in for a recycle - so I made full use of technology and changed my email address, blocked everywhere that was possible including all known connections and put myself and my family first.

Two years out I am a very different person - I have not actively gone out looking for a date, I avoid online dating like the plague as the red flags that zoom out are just scary. I go out and meet real people spend time getting to know them and then in some cases run. As yet I have not met anyone that I would like to spend time with on any level, but being in a relationship is not the most important thing in my life it is a bonus.

Doing security in a gay club, you see couples that are together maybe for 3 weeks, then they are engaged, living together two months maybe three they have split up, and without any breathing space they are on to the next one. I also see DV between couples where one is being punched in the face and declaring her undying love for the one doing it and so much more. I can only point out that that is not true love and leave then to work it out for themselves. The whole process I have been through just highlighted that I cannot rescue anyone or save anyone all I can do is offer advice, provide a duty of care (as part of my job and ensuring the safety of those involved).

For those of you struggling at the moment with the destruction and the whirlwind you have experienced, it does get better, but you have to commit to breaking all connections and means of contact and start healing and you being in control of your own life and your own destiny. I thought at the time I would never get through it, but I have and I am so much better for it.

You will all get there, just be kind to yourself.

[gotbushels]

Well done greenmonkey 

It was very pleasing to read your post. Thank you for sharing it. I like your description of your choice to put the important things in your life first.

I too look at a relationship as a bonus. I too avoid online dating.

I agree, it does get better. I like the sense of peace I get from reading your post. I adore being in control of my own life. Thank you.

[Pretty Woman]

Hi There, Green Monkey,
    I can so relate to you. I run a social group and plan events for the LGBTQ community. After dating a BPD I too see so many women in these terrifyingly abusive situations.

I am starting to think the whole U-Haul joke has nothing to do with Lesbian relations, it's indicative of BPD.

Glad to hear you are healing well and in a good place.

 
PW