Do we ever?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Really know them?



I feel like no. 

[Kelli Cornett]

Really know them?



I feel like no. 

[Kelli Cornett]

Nope.

Their existence revolves around a narcissistic 'false self', therefore they don't even know who they are. If they don't know who they are, how in the world can we?

[rfriesen]

Really know them?

I feel like no. 

Hi letitbe,

A pwBPD will typically have an unstable emotional life. That means a lot of inner turmoil and self-doubt about what they want, what they feel, difficulty maintaining stable personal relationships. As a result, it can be confusing to be in an intimate relationship with them.

That said, we are all variable to a certain extent. Our sense of self and our goals, values, desires in life change over time. Most people strive for a certain amount of stability and gradual change, however. That can be a struggle for anyone, but a near impossibility at times for a pwBPD.

What's behind your question? What have you been going through or thinking about that prompts it?

[Lonely_Astro]

The answer to that is complicated. At their core, they have no sense of self. They mold and shape into the people that they think the person seeing them wants them to be. That's why many of us fall for them so quickly: we're seeing our best qualities reflected back to us. So, basically, if you know yourself you knew the BPD afflicted person. In theory. They are all individuals and it's a spectrum disorder... .so each case is different. But, fundamentally, they have no core self.

In my case, my ex tried to always get acceptance from her mother. So, my ex was into all the same things her mother liked to do or showed interest in. This was something that never changed the entire time I was around her. So was it that she liked those things too or was it that she felt if she had enough in common with her mom, she'd finally get the love from her mom she so desperately craved?  I don't know - I never will know.

Ultimately, you knew your ex. The version they let you know, anyway. That version loved you with every fiber of their being, right up until the moment they didn't anymore. That's not your fault. It never has been and it never will be. The person you love/loved was a real person. Just not stable. They were and are sick. Again, this isn't your fault.

You knew a part of them. But you can never full know them because they don't know themselves.

[Leonis]

The answer is no.

My ex broke off the wedding back in late April and the drama dragged into early June. She told me that she just doesn't want me after being the proponent for us to get married, etc. since October of 2015.

She talks about how she hates me and my life will be hell, but she wants me to hold her when things are looking bleak. Now, she's 22 weeks pregnant with what I believe is my child. She sends mixed messages about what will become of us.

She jumped between getting abortion, adoption, and raising the child. She blames me for getting her pregnant when she keeps meticulous track of her own cycle. She completely skipped out on the morning after options.

It seems like they just do, think, and say whatever they want, and they don't want to take responsibilities for their actions.