I have to remain single for myself, but unfortunately this leaves me open for my ex to return.
And notice that you're still giving her a lot of power, like if she showed up she could have you no question. As you detach further, a big part of which is taking your power back, then you can make rational decisions about what's best for you whether she shows up or not.
I can think clearly now and I'm having the battle between my brain and my heart.
It sounds like the fog has cleared, which is a good thing Willis, now you can soberly look at the relationship, your behavior in it, and your beliefs about her, you and the relationship when you were in it. A very positive time full of potential growth, and that conflict you have between your head and your heart is common; you didn't ask for any advice, but to offer some, follow your head for now, it knows what's right, and as you detach eventually your heart will catch up. Take care of you!