Close Friend with BPD has cut all contact with me

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

I am struggling still after almost 3 months of being ubruptly cut off by the person who had made himself my closest friend, my world pretty much,  by constantly contacting me via msg and begging me to hang out.
Our relationship at its most intense lasted a year and a half.
Even though I am married and there is a significant age difference, he made me feel like I was the only person in the world who understood him and could help.
And boy, did he need help.
I gave him money when his car broke down, medicine when he got sick, paid for everything whenever we'd go out to eat . He'd cry in my arms telling me how lonely he was, and it broke my heart.
He'd had a suicide attempt , and tho we had been casual friends, I went to visit him almost every day in the hospital. After that,
I felt immense responsibility, and a very strong kinship as we had both come from horrific childhood experiences.
We had extremely similar interests in music and literature, I found him very rare and grew to truly love him deeply.
He told me he loved me too. We spent as much time together as I could, though he'd beg me to come see him almost every day, and spoke every day nearly all day via msg.
Mostly he seemed to really need me, and that was intoxicating. I developed a crush, and I am sure he was aware as he would tease me sexually constantly. He'd tell me he was looking at himself naked in the mirror, that he looked good. He told me about how 'big' he was , and the graphic porn he liked.

At last , after a year 1/2 , I finally did break my reserve and we had one torrential sexual encounter. I checked in with him during the sex many times, to ask if he wanted this, and he said yes yes yes. But I could feel him  down in the middle, and I realized he was not ok. We'd had plans to go out 2 days later, and he was very concerned if I would still meet him.
Of course I would, I said.
We met, but he was cold, as indeed he'd been colder and crueler for the past few months prior. I swept it under the rug. After that day, I tried reaching out a few more times , but heard back nothing or something like a thumbs up emoji.
After a week I couldn't stand it and begged him to talk to me, and couldn't we save our precious friendship?
He seemed like he was interested at first, but he didn't want to discuss anything. He said he was not interested in anything sexual between us.
I was ok with that, and said he'd have to stop flirting with me so much then. I said I'd give him more space, if that was what he needed.
Well, it's been deep space for months and I don't believe I'll ever hear from him again. He had blocked me from seeing what he posted on Facebook for awhile, then relaxed it, but never has reached out ever.
Things I know now: he is a manipulative person who did not care about me, at all.
He has  done this over and over again, with many women , because he'd tell me stories about so and so, and how he'd have sex with them once or twice - to be nice, then it was over. How I could not see that fate would befall me, I'll never know.
But I still struggle, I miss parts of our relationship. But I know it could not go on. He was dismissive and cruel. I don't know why I'd love someone who rejected me . But I just want to say how much these boards have helped me make sense, out of something so senselessly cruel. Someone so senselessly cruel.

[spookycat]

I am struggling still after almost 3 months of being ubruptly cut off by the person who had made himself my closest friend, my world pretty much,  by constantly contacting me via msg and begging me to hang out.
Our relationship at its most intense lasted a year and a half.
Even though I am married and there is a significant age difference, he made me feel like I was the only person in the world who understood him and could help.
And boy, did he need help.
I gave him money when his car broke down, medicine when he got sick, paid for everything whenever we'd go out to eat . He'd cry in my arms telling me how lonely he was, and it broke my heart.
He'd had a suicide attempt , and tho we had been casual friends, I went to visit him almost every day in the hospital. After that,
I felt immense responsibility, and a very strong kinship as we had both come from horrific childhood experiences.
We had extremely similar interests in music and literature, I found him very rare and grew to truly love him deeply.
He told me he loved me too. We spent as much time together as I could, though he'd beg me to come see him almost every day, and spoke every day nearly all day via msg.
Mostly he seemed to really need me, and that was intoxicating. I developed a crush, and I am sure he was aware as he would tease me sexually constantly. He'd tell me he was looking at himself naked in the mirror, that he looked good. He told me about how 'big' he was , and the graphic porn he liked.

At last , after a year 1/2 , I finally did break my reserve and we had one torrential sexual encounter. I checked in with him during the sex many times, to ask if he wanted this, and he said yes yes yes. But I could feel him  down in the middle, and I realized he was not ok. We'd had plans to go out 2 days later, and he was very concerned if I would still meet him.
Of course I would, I said.
We met, but he was cold, as indeed he'd been colder and crueler for the past few months prior. I swept it under the rug. After that day, I tried reaching out a few more times , but heard back nothing or something like a thumbs up emoji.
After a week I couldn't stand it and begged him to talk to me, and couldn't we save our precious friendship?
He seemed like he was interested at first, but he didn't want to discuss anything. He said he was not interested in anything sexual between us.
I was ok with that, and said he'd have to stop flirting with me so much then. I said I'd give him more space, if that was what he needed.
Well, it's been deep space for months and I don't believe I'll ever hear from him again. He had blocked me from seeing what he posted on Facebook for awhile, then relaxed it, but never has reached out ever.
Things I know now: he is a manipulative person who did not care about me, at all.
He has  done this over and over again, with many women , because he'd tell me stories about so and so, and how he'd have sex with them once or twice - to be nice, then it was over. How I could not see that fate would befall me, I'll never know.
But I still struggle, I miss parts of our relationship. But I know it could not go on. He was dismissive and cruel. I don't know why I'd love someone who rejected me . But I just want to say how much these boards have helped me make sense, out of something so senselessly cruel. Someone so senselessly cruel.