Day 1 no contact - tactics

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

Hi folks,

Following the developments yesterday when my BPD threatened me with harrasment/stalking and contacting my work - I finally accept that it is over with her and I genuinely no longer want her back.  She is a danger to me and my life and I finally get it.

Today I have started to feel a load lift from me and have had no desire to contact her (I appreciate this will probably get harder).

I am interested to know what tactics people have used to ensure that they don't contact and that they begin to detach.

I have started a few today

1) I have written a couple of mnemonics so that if/when my mind thinks about her or us I bring up the mnemonics.  i hope eventually that instead of even thinking of her name and seeing her in my head  I will think of the mnemonics as a reflex action and remember the truth.

I have two

- " It is an evil BPD " which stands for "I was tortured inhumanely by a sadistic, angry, nasty, envious, vindictive, ill, liar BPD "


- SPIDER which stands for/describers her as " scary, paranoid, illogical, dangerous, evil, rage ".

I have put any items associated with her into a box (old photos / t shirts i had printed for our engagement etc) and will take this to the garbage place tomorrow.

I have ensured my phone is clear of any pictures of us

I have exported all our whatsapp chats to an external hardrive as evidence if need be of her abuse

I have a folder titled 'BPD abuse' so I can view the reality by way of pictures after she punched me / audio with her screaming at me and making rape threats.

I have blocked her from everything and told all my friends to do likewise as she used to have a habit of stalking my friends online. There is only 1 channel of communication she has with me now which is one email address to send divorce information through.

I am going to make sure I come back so strong from this and make sure the next 4 years of my life do everything to obliterate the abuse I have experienced from the SPIDER.

[CooperD]

Hi folks,

Following the developments yesterday when my BPD threatened me with harrasment/stalking and contacting my work - I finally accept that it is over with her and I genuinely no longer want her back.  She is a danger to me and my life and I finally get it.

Today I have started to feel a load lift from me and have had no desire to contact her (I appreciate this will probably get harder).

I am interested to know what tactics people have used to ensure that they don't contact and that they begin to detach.

I have started a few today

1) I have written a couple of mnemonics so that if/when my mind thinks about her or us I bring up the mnemonics.  i hope eventually that instead of even thinking of her name and seeing her in my head  I will think of the mnemonics as a reflex action and remember the truth.

I have two

- " It is an evil BPD " which stands for "I was tortured inhumanely by a sadistic, angry, nasty, envious, vindictive, ill, liar BPD "


- SPIDER which stands for/describers her as " scary, paranoid, illogical, dangerous, evil, rage ".

I have put any items associated with her into a box (old photos / t shirts i had printed for our engagement etc) and will take this to the garbage place tomorrow.

I have ensured my phone is clear of any pictures of us

I have exported all our whatsapp chats to an external hardrive as evidence if need be of her abuse

I have a folder titled 'BPD abuse' so I can view the reality by way of pictures after she punched me / audio with her screaming at me and making rape threats.

I have blocked her from everything and told all my friends to do likewise as she used to have a habit of stalking my friends online. There is only 1 channel of communication she has with me now which is one email address to send divorce information through.

I am going to make sure I come back so strong from this and make sure the next 4 years of my life do everything to obliterate the abuse I have experienced from the SPIDER.

[Melster12]

When things started to trend south I started saving texts. They are evil and full of hate. I re-read them to remind me of his dysfunction. I also remind myself that I WILL move forward. He will not. His own personal groundhog day hell. Also, his mom says something is wrong with him. When your mom says you have problems. Yikes!

[Pretty Woman]

1) Stop looking at her FB. Block if you have to. No good comes of looking at FAKEbook or Instagram... .
2) I looked up anything that made me not feel alone in this. I Googled stuff like "BPD Nightmare relationship" "BPD worse with replacement". I read, read read and realized even if she wasn't BPD she was still nuts and not for me. I cut and paste key phrases that resonated with me and kept them in an email. When I started to feel down at work I would read them and it would remind me she is sick and not right for me.
3) Joined meetup.com  I am not sure where you live but in the US we have this thing called meetup. I wasn't looking to date, I just got out there and made new friends, went to trivia nights and happy hours. It got my mind off her and helped me not talk about her "ad nauseum".
4) Find a new hobby. I ended up on a curling team of all things. I went out and tried something new and made some new friends in the process.
5) Blocked her number from my phone and let all "unknown" numbers go to voicemail.
6) Blocked all email addresses she had from my work and home computers---I think it's wise you left one open for divorce documentation.
7) Let go of mutual "friends" we both hung around regularly to ensure news of my life wasn't getting funneled back to her to use against me, or to get me back at a later date.

[I_am_Stacey]

Hi!
I deleted his phonenr and saved all the texts in case I need them. Deleted all photos. Stopped looking at social media (that was a hard one for me). Keeping a journal: everytime I think of him I just write it down: everything I want to say to him: you get it out of your head in a way. I picked up yoga and 2 months out went on a yoga-retreat for 5 days away from all the madness. Met some nice people and it felt so good to just be me and not the 'messed up girl'. Contacted some old friends and rebuilt those friendships. Went dancing, to the zoo, just for a walk in the park if my head was full of ___. Got a coach which helped me a lot: just to talk to someone independent. And I cried, a lot!

Good luck and Take care!
XOXO