If they have painted you black do they ever forgive and let you back in their life?
Hi statsattack,
I would like to know the answer to this as well. To put it another way, I hear where you are coming from and how down beating it feels. At least that is my own reaction. My mother has painted me black for as long back as my memory goes. This hurts terribly. So, I can empathize with you and would like to say that you are not alone in dealing with this. It can be demoralizing to be or to feel being put into this painted black position.
Maybe, if I can say anything helpful beyond that I can relate, is that the "painted black" is someone's else's perception. I find it useful to remind myself of that. It is a putting back of an evaluation where it belongs. This helps me to not carry a burden of it. I am not saying it works all the time for me. Being open-minded and a listener has its disadvantages. Words from those closest to us can be taken to heart and we can start to question ourselves especially when they come at us infused with a lot of emotion. But, ultimately they belong to other person. They do not have to define you.
My mother told me recently that she forgave me. This was astounding not only because it was something new but also because she was forgiving me some action she believes I did, which never happened. Confusing? You betcha! All that I can make sense out of this is that maybe it is possible for someone with BPD to forgive what they see you as bad for. I don't know. Maybe it is an opening or an olive branch or morsel to chew on if you are more cynically inclined. It's something, at any rate. I tiny glimmer of somewhere in the recesses I might not be all that bad. I think fear stops many with BPD from saying this.
The upshot for those of us on the receiving end of the painting into a corner is to not take it to heart when there is no forgiveness (which to me is more about loving kindness that is being denied rather than forgiveness) coming as hard as that is.
