Two months into the marriage and I suspect my wife has BPD

[jambrose77]

She attacked me on our wedding night.
She has scracthed me, spit in my face and bit me.
She threatens to end the marriage of two months already.
She makes comments that  my sex is boring.
She adknowledges that she needs help.
I'm walking on egg shells daily. I love her but I feel like a fool for taking all this abuse.  Give me sime advuce here please

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[jambrose77]

New wife of 2 months has real BPD issues...
She has done all the bad stuff already.
I've been attacked physically emotionally verbally.
My 2nd marriage, her third.

We have so much in common and I really wanted this to work. She knows she needs help but how do I remain in this relationship when I walk on eggshells daily

[Dontknow88]

She attacked me on our wedding night.
She has scracthed me, spit in my face and bit me.
She threatens to end the marriage of two months already.
She makes comments that  my sex is boring.
She adknowledges that she needs help.
I'm walking on egg shells daily. I love her but I feel like a fool for taking all this abuse.  Give me sime advuce here please

Please please please read the book calls "stop walking on eggshells" it's a huge eye opener.  Please read up on here. It's a huge help

[livednlearned]

Hi jambrose77,


Glad you found the site, and sorry for what brings you here.

Knowing that she needs help is a hopeful sign. Does she know she has BPD?

What are the conflicts usually about? How do you respond when she attacks?

LnL
 

[Grandmotherbear]

I am a woman, my mother, father and ex-husband had bigtime issues. I left my ex after 10 years, 9 years and 9 months after he asked me for a divorce the first time, saying he "loved me too much to expose me to the problems of living with him the way he wanted to live". I should have left when he said that. One person can not a marriage make. I dearly love the two children he helped make but they half PTSD disorders from their childhood. I wish I had been a good enough mother to not have ignored the damage he was doing them thru ignoring them and abusing me.

She admits she has issues? She is not actively seeking help for those issues? Run, run far away.

I sought counselling from a Latter Day Saints bishop, a Catholic priest, and a Methodist minister. (That was the 2 religions my ex had professed and the one I was baptized into) Each and every one of them told me I was NOT breaking up a marriage because no true marriage existed. They told me that Jesus had called his followers to treat their spouses as he treated the church- to tenderly care for each other. They challenged me to give them an example of him treating me tenderly, as Jesus treated the church. I could not give them an example.

God did NOT give you live to be miserable in this terrible kind of a relationship. Run, run. Save yourself.  Please.

[Mutt]

Hi jambrose77,



That's awful to hear. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I can relate with that walking on eggshells feeling. You're not alone. We're here for you. Are you safe right now?

[Turkish]

Well, a marriage is a big thing, but it's no excuse for the abuse, on wedding night no less. Was there a specific trigger?

If she physically attacks you, what is your usual response? I might be good to develop a safety plan. This can help you evaluate: Safety First

The resource that Dontknow88 recommended is a good one. We have a review here, and a lot of the communication tools we have are the same about which you will read:

Essential Family Guide

This book is an updated version of Stop Walking On Eggshells, by the same authors.

We also have links in the lessons to the right of this board. I know it's a lot of material, but we're here to support you and answer questions. Also, take a look at that safety plan and let us know what you think.

Turkish