Struggling, but see the light.

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Hey everyone.

It's been about two months since I broke up with my exBPDgf/fiancé. I have a long story, so bear with me. I feel like I need to get this off my chest, maybe get some others opinions whom have been there.

We got together this March, and had a whirlwind romance as all of these do. The idolization, putting me on a pedistal, the love bombing. We met at work, and it was amazing time. She worked a lot of overtime. She was staying at my place every night, we were inseparable. The sex was amazing and intense. She told me she loved me. She then went on a 2 month vacation to Europe by herself in May. I also found out that she was moving to New Mexico for grad school and was moving there in August. ( we live in Maine). During the time during her trip, the love bombing became very intense. Talk about marriage, kids, our life together. It was the most amazing things I've ever heard someone say to me in my life.  She got back from Europe a month early and lost a lot of money doing so. She complained of having a horrible time , and I wanted her to come home if she was being so miserable. When she got back  I proposed to her.  She said yes, and we planned for a wedding next June. Small bits of BPD came out. I couldn't have female friends, or spend time with my other friends without her making me feel bad. Stories of her exs mistreating her, things of that nature. Constant aches and pains, sicknesses, depression, etc...

I gave up my job, my apartment, left all my friends and family, lost a lot of money to move: but I found myself in New Mexico. This is where the BPD came out. The come here, go away tactics. The coldness, the passive aggressive attacks on my character, the bouts of not being able to understand that I don't like bein touched sometimes ( sexual abuse in my past) and would take that personally and get angry with me, even though she knew this months before. She would blame me for all of our relationship problems. I by no means was perfect, and I could of been better. She constantly criticized me, it was never ending. She blames me for coming home early from Europe, and resents me for it. She even told me she was pregnant several times, but it was false alarms each time.

We couldn't find jobs that could pay for our apartment, and had to move back home to Maine after two months. However, when we were packing our stuff to come home, we got into a heated arguement. As I was walking away from her, after all her name calling and such, she walked up to me and punched me in the chest. I walked away from her, and she became hysterical. She wept and started hitting herself on the head. I had to consoul her, calming her down; and I didn't realize until much after, that I had been hit and was saying sorry for her hitting me. We apologised and moved on with our day.  We got home in late October. We drove across country, and she was cold and distant each time we stopped. The last night before we got home in Maine, we talked and she was sorry, however all our issues were my fault. I don't believe I ever heard her say anything negitive about what she needed to improve on.

When she got home, we got our jobs back together. A week being home, I noticed that she was texting the guy she was hooking up with before me, a rebound from her last relationship. It bothered me, but I brushed it aside. I went to a party without her, and I received texts from her, love bombing me again, and apologizing that she was broken, and that she was thankful that I loved her. She wanted to be intimate more, and have more sex again. My gut told me that she had cheated on me, because she was so cold earlier. But, I don't have proof. Anyway, a week later from that party, she told me she went to her therapist and said she had either bipolar or BPD. She became cold again, and I just snapped and broke up with her. That was early November.

I was so conflicted afterward. You know what I'm talking about... the self doubt, the hollow, empty feeling you have afterward. 


The day after, she was right back with the rebound guy from before. The rebound guy had a kid with a past wife, and is currently in a long committed relationship with another. He's another piece of work, sleeping around with everything that moves, because the girlfriend wants to wait until marriage for sex. I've heard through the grape vine that my ex is in love with him now, and wants a relationship with him.

At work, she lies to me about being with him. She tries to manipulate me: for exple, she cried in our office. I went to console her. She told me the reason why she was not talking to me, and being distant, was because she thought she was pregnant with my child. ( we Didnt have sex around that time, and she was having her period before we broke up. It was never possible.) we met at her place, and we talked about what happened; and I appologised for everything, and wanted her back. She told me that she loved me, but not in love with me. She told me that she couldn't get over me saying she abused me, ( one of our previous fights) and it was not okay that I said that to her. However she hugged and kissed me, and I left.

She now acts coldly to me, pretending I don't exsist, being rude to me, or even rubbing her other relationship in my face, even though she's the other woman. . I don't understand. I even went as far as to get her a Christmas gift and wrote a heart felt letter, to see if it would smooth things over at work. She treats me like the enemy, and I've been nothing but kind to her.

I'm slowly feeling better, but I find myself wanting to be with her still, knowing that it would be horrible. I see who she is, I pay attention to her actions, not words. I understand I was abused and she hurt me deeply. I've gone on a few weeks here and there with NC, but sometimes can't help myself to text her if she's okay, to only evolve into her questioning everything I'm saying, as if I have some alterior motive.

Perhaps I'm just lonely, and hurt that she could move on so fast, however I know that's the BPD. I guess I just really don't know what to do from here in out. My life was planned to be with her, but right now I feel aimless.

Thanks for reading, any feedback would be awesome.

[Dustbuster28]

Hey everyone.

It's been about two months since I broke up with my exBPDgf/fiancé. I have a long story, so bear with me. I feel like I need to get this off my chest, maybe get some others opinions whom have been there.

We got together this March, and had a whirlwind romance as all of these do. The idolization, putting me on a pedistal, the love bombing. We met at work, and it was amazing time. She worked a lot of overtime. She was staying at my place every night, we were inseparable. The sex was amazing and intense. She told me she loved me. She then went on a 2 month vacation to Europe by herself in May. I also found out that she was moving to New Mexico for grad school and was moving there in August. ( we live in Maine). During the time during her trip, the love bombing became very intense. Talk about marriage, kids, our life together. It was the most amazing things I've ever heard someone say to me in my life.  She got back from Europe a month early and lost a lot of money doing so. She complained of having a horrible time , and I wanted her to come home if she was being so miserable. When she got back  I proposed to her.  She said yes, and we planned for a wedding next June. Small bits of BPD came out. I couldn't have female friends, or spend time with my other friends without her making me feel bad. Stories of her exs mistreating her, things of that nature. Constant aches and pains, sicknesses, depression, etc...

I gave up my job, my apartment, left all my friends and family, lost a lot of money to move: but I found myself in New Mexico. This is where the BPD came out. The come here, go away tactics. The coldness, the passive aggressive attacks on my character, the bouts of not being able to understand that I don't like bein touched sometimes ( sexual abuse in my past) and would take that personally and get angry with me, even though she knew this months before. She would blame me for all of our relationship problems. I by no means was perfect, and I could of been better. She constantly criticized me, it was never ending. She blames me for coming home early from Europe, and resents me for it. She even told me she was pregnant several times, but it was false alarms each time.

We couldn't find jobs that could pay for our apartment, and had to move back home to Maine after two months. However, when we were packing our stuff to come home, we got into a heated arguement. As I was walking away from her, after all her name calling and such, she walked up to me and punched me in the chest. I walked away from her, and she became hysterical. She wept and started hitting herself on the head. I had to consoul her, calming her down; and I didn't realize until much after, that I had been hit and was saying sorry for her hitting me. We apologised and moved on with our day.  We got home in late October. We drove across country, and she was cold and distant each time we stopped. The last night before we got home in Maine, we talked and she was sorry, however all our issues were my fault. I don't believe I ever heard her say anything negitive about what she needed to improve on.

When she got home, we got our jobs back together. A week being home, I noticed that she was texting the guy she was hooking up with before me, a rebound from her last relationship. It bothered me, but I brushed it aside. I went to a party without her, and I received texts from her, love bombing me again, and apologizing that she was broken, and that she was thankful that I loved her. She wanted to be intimate more, and have more sex again. My gut told me that she had cheated on me, because she was so cold earlier. But, I don't have proof. Anyway, a week later from that party, she told me she went to her therapist and said she had either bipolar or BPD. She became cold again, and I just snapped and broke up with her. That was early November.

I was so conflicted afterward. You know what I'm talking about... the self doubt, the hollow, empty feeling you have afterward. 


The day after, she was right back with the rebound guy from before. The rebound guy had a kid with a past wife, and is currently in a long committed relationship with another. He's another piece of work, sleeping around with everything that moves, because the girlfriend wants to wait until marriage for sex. I've heard through the grape vine that my ex is in love with him now, and wants a relationship with him.

At work, she lies to me about being with him. She tries to manipulate me: for exple, she cried in our office. I went to console her. She told me the reason why she was not talking to me, and being distant, was because she thought she was pregnant with my child. ( we Didnt have sex around that time, and she was having her period before we broke up. It was never possible.) we met at her place, and we talked about what happened; and I appologised for everything, and wanted her back. She told me that she loved me, but not in love with me. She told me that she couldn't get over me saying she abused me, ( one of our previous fights) and it was not okay that I said that to her. However she hugged and kissed me, and I left.

She now acts coldly to me, pretending I don't exsist, being rude to me, or even rubbing her other relationship in my face, even though she's the other woman. . I don't understand. I even went as far as to get her a Christmas gift and wrote a heart felt letter, to see if it would smooth things over at work. She treats me like the enemy, and I've been nothing but kind to her.

I'm slowly feeling better, but I find myself wanting to be with her still, knowing that it would be horrible. I see who she is, I pay attention to her actions, not words. I understand I was abused and she hurt me deeply. I've gone on a few weeks here and there with NC, but sometimes can't help myself to text her if she's okay, to only evolve into her questioning everything I'm saying, as if I have some alterior motive.

Perhaps I'm just lonely, and hurt that she could move on so fast, however I know that's the BPD. I guess I just really don't know what to do from here in out. My life was planned to be with her, but right now I feel aimless.

Thanks for reading, any feedback would be awesome.

[Confused#9999]

Hey everyone.

It's been about two months since I broke up with my exBPDgf/fiancé. I have a long story, so bear with me. I feel like I need to get this off my chest, maybe get some others opinions whom have been there.

We got together this March, and had a whirlwind romance as all of these do. The idolization, putting me on a pedistal, the love bombing. We met at work, and it was amazing time. She worked a lot of overtime. She was staying at my place every night, we were inseparable. The sex was amazing and intense. She told me she loved me. She then went on a 2 month vacation to Europe by herself in May. I also found out that she was moving to New Mexico for grad school and was moving there in August. ( we live in Maine). During the time during her trip, the love bombing became very intense. Talk about marriage, kids, our life together. It was the most amazing things I've ever heard someone say to me in my life.  She got back from Europe a month early and lost a lot of money doing so. She complained of having a horrible time , and I wanted her to come home if she was being so miserable. When she got back  I proposed to her.  She said yes, and we planned for a wedding next June. Small bits of BPD came out. I couldn't have female friends, or spend time with my other friends without her making me feel bad. Stories of her exs mistreating her, things of that nature. Constant aches and pains, sicknesses, depression, etc...

I gave up my job, my apartment, left all my friends and family, lost a lot of money to move: but I found myself in New Mexico. This is where the BPD came out. The come here, go away tactics. The coldness, the passive aggressive attacks on my character, the bouts of not being able to understand that I don't like bein touched sometimes ( sexual abuse in my past) and would take that personally and get angry with me, even though she knew this months before. She would blame me for all of our relationship problems. I by no means was perfect, and I could of been better. She constantly criticized me, it was never ending. She blames me for coming home early from Europe, and resents me for it. She even told me she was pregnant several times, but it was false alarms each time.

We couldn't find jobs that could pay for our apartment, and had to move back home to Maine after two months. However, when we were packing our stuff to come home, we got into a heated arguement. As I was walking away from her, after all her name calling and such, she walked up to me and punched me in the chest. I walked away from her, and she became hysterical. She wept and started hitting herself on the head. I had to consoul her, calming her down; and I didn't realize until much after, that I had been hit and was saying sorry for her hitting me. We apologised and moved on with our day.  We got home in late October. We drove across country, and she was cold and distant each time we stopped. The last night before we got home in Maine, we talked and she was sorry, however all our issues were my fault. I don't believe I ever heard her say anything negitive about what she needed to improve on.

When she got home, we got our jobs back together. A week being home, I noticed that she was texting the guy she was hooking up with before me, a rebound from her last relationship. It bothered me, but I brushed it aside. I went to a party without her, and I received texts from her, love bombing me again, and apologizing that she was broken, and that she was thankful that I loved her. She wanted to be intimate more, and have more sex again. My gut told me that she had cheated on me, because she was so cold earlier. But, I don't have proof. Anyway, a week later from that party, she told me she went to her therapist and said she had either bipolar or BPD. She became cold again, and I just snapped and broke up with her. That was early November.

I was so conflicted afterward. You know what I'm talking about... the self doubt, the hollow, empty feeling you have afterward. 


The day after, she was right back with the rebound guy from before. The rebound guy had a kid with a past wife, and is currently in a long committed relationship with another. He's another piece of work, sleeping around with everything that moves, because the girlfriend wants to wait until marriage for sex. I've heard through the grape vine that my ex is in love with him now, and wants a relationship with him.

At work, she lies to me about being with him. She tries to manipulate me: for exple, she cried in our office. I went to console her. She told me the reason why she was not talking to me, and being distant, was because she thought she was pregnant with my child. ( we Didnt have sex around that time, and she was having her period before we broke up. It was never possible.) we met at her place, and we talked about what happened; and I appologised for everything, and wanted her back. She told me that she loved me, but not in love with me. She told me that she couldn't get over me saying she abused me, ( one of our previous fights) and it was not okay that I said that to her. However she hugged and kissed me, and I left.

She now acts coldly to me, pretending I don't exsist, being rude to me, or even rubbing her other relationship in my face, even though she's the other woman. . I don't understand. I even went as far as to get her a Christmas gift and wrote a heart felt letter, to see if it would smooth things over at work. She treats me like the enemy, and I've been nothing but kind to her.

I'm slowly feeling better, but I find myself wanting to be with her still, knowing that it would be horrible. I see who she is, I pay attention to her actions, not words. I understand I was abused and she hurt me deeply. I've gone on a few weeks here and there with NC, but sometimes can't help myself to text her if she's okay, to only evolve into her questioning everything I'm saying, as if I have some alterior motive.

Perhaps I'm just lonely, and hurt that she could move on so fast, however I know that's the BPD. I guess I just really don't know what to do from here in out. My life was planned to be with her, but right now I feel aimless.

Thanks for reading, any feedback would be awesome.

The manipulation is strong with BPD. It's only been 2 weeks of NC for me and it sux. The worst part is the lies I recognized after and possible cheating.

[Confused#9999]

My gut is usually right and I ignored it and believed her. Alen Robarge has youtube videos that are helping me, as well as Paul Elam. Try those, and good luck.

[Freeatlast_1]

Yes, mine moved on pretty quick too to a rebound. Don't know if BPDs rebound though, because every new partner is the ONE. I think this is what's going on. She tried calling me twice last week, I didn't pick up. Maybe trying to triangulate me. She always wanted me to be a part of her life as I was her rock at a point.  She could not be alone. We were best friends too and she blocked me from FB and her cell phone. Maybe her new gf asked her too... .or maybe thats a negative thought on my part. I am slowly moving on. I know I shouldn't care but I do... .I think of her a lot... .and I am trying to move on and seeing other people. I still believe we connected on a deeper level though... .I think that's a BPD thing, they get to you.

[Confused#9999]

Yes, mine moved on pretty quick too to a rebound. Don't know if BPDs rebound though, because every new partner is the ONE. I think this is what's going on. She tried calling me twice last week, I didn't pick up. Maybe trying to triangulate me. She always wanted me to be a part of her life as I was her rock at a point.  She could not be alone. We were best friends too and she blocked me from FB and her cell phone. Maybe her new gf asked her too... .or maybe thats a negative thought on my part. I am slowly moving on. I know I shouldn't care but I do... .I think of her a lot... .and I am trying to move on and seeing other people. I still believe we connected on a deeper level though... .I think that's a BPD thing, they get to you.

I thought I connected too, but looking at it now. The connection was only in my heart and head.