Discovering I'm not alone

[Marthatj]

Browsing at a bookstore recently I picked up the workbook for Stop Walking on Eggshells because the title interested me and was stunned by what I read. That is my life!  I knew my husband of 33 years had a difficult personality but to read that his behavior fit a pattern, a defined personality disorder, was a revelation.  I'm 57, my husband is 78.  Our relationship has been so troubled and the last 18 months particularly difficult since I learned that years before I knew him he had been married with two children and abandoned them.  He never told me about them. I feel I can't leave him because his health is fragile but it's so hard to find the energy to continue being in the relationship.  I've lived so many years trying to keep the ugly parts of my marriage hidden from the world. I don't want to do that anymore.  I want to understand BPD better, understand the role I've played in our relationship, and find a way forward.  I've never reached out for help before but I'm reaching out now.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Swhitey]

I too have only really begun to understand BPD and what that means for living with someone who suffers from this disorder. This site has provided me with so much insight into the disorder and how I have contributing to the toxicity of the relationship through my lack of knowlege. It has given me tools for personal growth and provided me with much needed support. I am very happy to see you reach out and seek support. Well done!

[VitaminC]

Hello Marthtj,

I would like to welcome you here. Isn't it amazing to discover that there are certain things that seem disconnected are actually connected. Finding that book has obviously been a turning point in your life so far.

There is far more to be gained by sharing and revealing than in hiding. You know how isolating and hard it can be to hide important parts of your life and heart from the world, especially for such a long time. I am glad that you have come here and decided to reach out and share with others.

Relationships with people with BPD are certainly difficult and can be very draining and painful. The good news is that there are plenty of tools that can be helpful in improving those relationships. Stop Walking on Eggshells is a very good one and there are some others you can dip into in the banner on the right here on this page. Learning about the condition and the ways that you can take better care of yourself and improve your communication are key.

Tell us more about your relationship so that members can share their own experience in a way that will be most helpful to you? What are you struggling with now in particular? Do you have children? How is your own support network?

I look forward to hearing more from you. It can get better