How can I approach my husband that I think he has BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,
Firstly I'm so grateful to have found all the information this website provides. I have been with my husband for over 15 years and I now realise he shows many symptoms of suffering from BPD. I want to help even though i also want to walk away at times. I am trying to read and learn as much as I can to try to make our relationship better.  My question is however when / how can I approach my husband to tell him I think that he has BPD? I think he will become utterly enraged and defensive.  How can he consider this?  Is there any material I can present to him that explains this condition in a way suitable for him? Thanks so much if you can help .

[EWVR13]

Hi,
Firstly I'm so grateful to have found all the information this website provides. I have been with my husband for over 15 years and I now realise he shows many symptoms of suffering from BPD. I want to help even though i also want to walk away at times. I am trying to read and learn as much as I can to try to make our relationship better.  My question is however when / how can I approach my husband to tell him I think that he has BPD? I think he will become utterly enraged and defensive.  How can he consider this?  Is there any material I can present to him that explains this condition in a way suitable for him? Thanks so much if you can help .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Five28]

I've wondered the same thing. A week or so ago during one of her temper tantrums she was yelling and my adult son told her that she has been "terrorizing" this family all their lives. She immediately shut that argument down and said there was nothing wrong with her, and it was all my fault (as well as my son, who was the subject of the argument). It was then that I realized that if I approached her about being an undiagnosed BPD, she would turn it around and use it as another trigger to start a fight. Not worth it, at least in my case. Now if your husband was someone who might take this information and appreciate that you are trying to help him it might be a good thing.

[livednlearned]

You have good instincts 

Your sense is that he would become utterly enraged and defensive.

When he rages, what does he do? What's the dynamic in your relationship like?

How do the two of you handle repair/recovery after a fight?

LnL