RealityCheck86
Fewer than 3 Posts
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What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 1
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« on: January 02, 2017, 02:21:12 PM » |
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1st date: white tantric yoga at a kundalini yoga festival in Florida winter Solistice 2013. We meditated across from one another for about 10 hours, much of which included staring into each other's eyes. Yes, it was a love st first sight experience. The next day I had a dream that she got pregnant with my seed, which traveled all through the cosmos, found earth, and zoomed in google-earth style to Florida, to the festival, between her feet, her knees, then into her womb, which turned to light. I woke up.
2nd date: I mentioned I was going to Morocco after the yoga festival, and she expressed interest so I invited her. To my pleasant surprise, she met me there and we had an epic adventure that lasted a month, with the finale being a serendipitous reunion in the Sahara desert on her birthday, which ended in us making love for the first time.
3rd date: we met in California where she told me to finish inside.
4th date: California, May 1st, 2014. Congratulations to me.
5th date: Lake toxaway to meet the family. Her dad said she could be cruel! She says she has flat feelings for me. This was my first reality check as I had been in a euphoric state of some kind of magical and destined... .delusion.
June 2014: She moves to the hamptons, where I take care of her
( she gets really sick in early July, and we have some trouble - she says she wished I understood her ) we recover, I do a good enough job to give her the confidence to have this baby with me.
November 2014: we take a train to California 3 weeks from due date.
December 5th: magic bean is born ! She is in recovery after a super challenging 44 hour labor and natural child birth, which my mom coached the last 4 hours of, while I played the gong and shouted out her affirmations like, " I am a strong a powerful woman! "
Dec 18th: Her mom, who is bi-polar and said "that baby ain't coming out without an epidural " comes to visit. She (mother of baby) gets super upset and mean to me. I go surfing to help me process emotions.
April 2015 : we move back to NY. I brainstorm on the drive across country how I can make money with a surf camp in the Hamptons, inadvertently setting her expectations, only to let her down when it does not pan out as described. I get arrested for having California car insurance on NY plates. We have financial difficulties.
May 2015: we are invited to live with my 2 gay clients who run a hair salon on Madison ave and in the hamptons. We are grateful for their generosity, but she is not happy to not have her own place. But then she gets a job through the salon and makes great money and so is into it !
Dec 5 2015: Our sweet little boy turns 1 !
Dec 21st 2015, we celebrate our 2 year anniversary at the kundalini winter solstice celebration in Florida. Then drive across country.
We spend another winter in California. It was El Niño so great for waves, but she and I struggled to get along.
April 18, 2016: " f-u. I'm taking the baby back to Atlanta. You have no rights"
April 19th: we make up and meet back in NY for get ready for another summer in the Hamptons.
She has the makeup job again, but everyone gets fired. But we do good enough over the summer to buy a new car in September
September: we try to put our baby in child care, but he has a super hard time. He was still breast-feeding and we didn't say goodbye and so it was traumatizing for him. She and I also have another big fight over nothing specific.
We then see a shamanistic astrology, who recommends a duplex.
We all get very sick. Baby and mom are the worst and he is sick for months!
Dec 9th: f-u, f-u, f-u I will never have to deal with you again (!when I protested to pay for a rent a car because she decided to lend our brand new car to a friend, which Was a plan I was not in agreement about.
Winter Solstice 2016: we celebrate our 3rd anniversary at the yoga festival, where we work the youth kid camp again, and we have a great time. She puts nail polish on her boobs and we successfully seen our boy off of the boob !
On the way there we have a major fight, and on the way home as well.
She says " don't worry, it will be the last time you have to pick up our son "
I say do you have to say things like that? What if I said that to you?"
She gets a test that says she is pre- MS ( which her father has ) , has blood sugar issues, a frayed nervous system, arthritis, and very low serotonin. This explains a lot, or is at least physical evidence that she has serious pain under the surface. She sees a text on my phone asking for a doctor recommendation for her, which has a response asking what's wrong with her besides being bipolar. She is upset of course because she doesn't admit to having that but her mom suffers with it. I ask her, who has a degree in psychology, to read to me what bipolar is on Wikipedia. Which she does. She says she has some traits, but not all. We talk about her past addiction to alcohol when she was in college and the trouble it got her into. I then asked her to read to me about BPD, and she admits being "on the spectrum" but does not identify with the lose of personal identity. I had just learned about BPD, and so when she read it and identified with most of the traits, I really felt a breakthrough. But she then said she felt unsafe with me, because I led her into a trap. But things stayed calm and I said, " I'm just trying to figure out what is going on ". We make it to Atlanta safe and sound.
Dec 25th: Merry Christmas! With her family. I read the traits to her father, who denies she has BPD. But I let him know that she said she was on the spectrum and open to therapy.
Dec.26th -29th: I visit my little sister in Nashville, and have a perfect time with them. So happy that our boy is no longer dependent on mother's milk!
Dec. 29th: I visit a therapy center that treats people with BPD unbeknownst to her.
Dec31st. She has an event and I stay at our apartment in Atlanta .
And have a bitter sweet New Years just me and my boy.
Jan 1st: happy New Years!
She texts me she "did her yoga flow as my statement of self care first act of the new year "
Me: " that's great news! "
I also took omegas and other vitamins I recognized that my mom has too and I've been practicing positive self thoughts and affirmations.
... .thank you for bearing witness to my anger and feelings. They need to be acknowledged and loved.
I say I'm beginning to understand.
Present.
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