Hello, I'm new here and am looking for support.

[MillyB]

Hello friends  Welcome

I've been living with my alleged (non-officially diagnosed but estimated by my own counselors) BPD partner for 3 years. He has extreme anger/temper issues and almost every blow-up is a point of no-relationship return for him.

It's been a long, exhausting, and very painful journey coupled with some very beautiful experiences. It's not all just black and white. When he isn't angry, I LOVE being with him.

I need some help and guidance on how to best communicate with him when he's in one of his moods. I see so much happening and feel helpless because he does not communicate with me and doesn't allow me space to speak and is not willing to listen. He's in complete denial about his own lack of emotional awareness.

He is an older gentleman and I am aware of his suffering. I know he wants/needs someone in his life and I'd be happy to be that person if I could find a better way to cope with his unpredictable outbursts and his extremely controlling and dominating moments.

He tells me he loves me but that he can't live with me and yet I know he needs my help to live... .both physically and financially... .and I need him bc my health challenges do not allow me an independent income. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand him, us, and myself during the course of our relationship.

I don't want to take his abuse personally anymore, but I need some help at how to best engage him back into heart-to-heart communication after an anger episode.

I feel completely lost and I suffer from depression and anxiety.

I'd be grateful for any support, wise advice, and encouragement.

Thank you in advance and blessings all,
MillyB

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Tattered Heart]

I'm so sorry for what you are going through Milly. There are some great lessons on the right side of the page that can help you navigate through your relationship. You'll find techniques to help communicate better, how to set boundaries, and how to take care of yourself. You can't change your pwBPD but you can change how you respond to him.

You mentioend that you believe your pwBPD cannot make it in life without you and that you feel the same financially toward him. Distinguishing between helping someone and enabling them is important not only to your well being but to his also. Here is an article on enabling vs. supporting:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=95263.0

[MillyB]

Thank you so much for your kind words of support and resource links.

I'm in the "devalued" phase and it's always painful to wait and reconnect. Given the political climate and the media, there are a lot of people who seem to be suffering from BPD, unaware that they may have the ability to gain control over their extreme reactive feelings.

These are challenging times in which we live, for everyone.

Best wishes