Currently in MC

[Hmcbart]

We have been going to MC for about a month now.  We've been 4 times so far.  It has helped with some issues.  It cured her headaches (psychosomatic). I'd love to say that she now understands why I want us to have a sexual relationship but I don't think she does.  Well, to be honest, I think she understands how much I need this to be part of our marriage, I just don't think she is willing to do it.  Each time the topic comes up in MC, she finds a way to deflect it.  We will get our homework assignments and I will do everything in my power to commit to it but she finds another excuse. 

Last week we were supposed to focus only on what makes each other happy and do those things.  I went out of my way to do as much as I could to make her happy.  She admitted in our last MC that I did make her happy and focused on her needs.  When I was asked how I felt she did, I just said she did ok.  I didn't want to blast her for not really trying because that wouldn't help things at all.  I said she cooked dinner a couple of times. 

When we talked about sex in MC she was saying how she wanted to because of how I was making her feel.  I asked why she didn't say anything and she said we were supposed to have non-sexual intimacy that week.  So the week when we could she wasn't in the mood anymore. 

I asked her how she would feel if I came to her and said "I can only make you feel secure and loved in the marriage once a month". How would that make her feel? If I she got upset with me for not giving her a hug or texting to say I love you and I told her "I just gave you a hug last month, I just texted saying I love you last month, did that not mean anything to you?" 

She claimed to understand what I was trying to say.  I even believed her a little bit.  The therapist even believed her.  Fast forward 3 days and still no sex.  Still only reasons why she can't or won't. 

To say I'm frustrated is an understatement.  Once or twice a year is just not enough.  Yes, I said year.  I know some on here have it worse than me.  It's just tuff.  I'm trying to learn to accept that my needs don't matter to her even if she says they do.  I know how things work and have dealt with this for years.  I will keep going to MC and I will keep doing my part.  I will not get my hopes up for her to ever act on her words.  She judges me by my actions but expects me to judge her by her words and intentions.  Funny how that works.

I just needed a place to vent, thanks.

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[Wrongturn1]

I will not get my hopes up for her to ever act on her words.  She judges me by my actions but expects me to judge her by her words and intentions.  Funny how that works.

Very astute observation, Hmcbart!   This gets to the heart of a lot of frustration that we nons feel.  A lot of the time, however, they don't even judge us by our actions - they judge us based on their own wild imaginations based on their own insecurities and self-loathing... .and they expect us to judge them by their noble intentions, which they never follow through on those.  Highly difficult.

[Hmcbart]

Our MC is also my personal therapist as well as my wife's personal therapist. It's a bit different situation but I like it because the therapist gets to see all sides of the issues. 

I think the therapist may think I'm crazy or at least bugging my wife's phone.  My wife commented to the therapist when She first started going that I probably had her phone bugged so I could see what she is texting.  To be clear I don't have her phone bugged.  I do have the ability and know how but I am not doing it.  It all came from a conversation with a friend of my wife's who was having trouble with her teenage daughter and her texting.  I told them how to put a program on it to be able to monitor her.  From that my wife told there therapist I probably did it up her phone but never actually explained why she knew I could do it.

 I explained it to the therapist but it didn't explain how I knew what my wife was discussing in her own personal therapy sessions.  My wife asked me a few weeks ago how I knew exactly what they were talking about If I wasn't there or didn't have her phone bugged.  I told her that I know everything that's going on because I have lived this so many times before. I told her that everything that we are currently going through isn't any different than the last 4 times we went to MC.  The only tiing different is the dates and some of the words are different but the story is always the same. 

I told the therapist the same thing.  I explained what happened the last few times we tried this. I explained what has been happening and what will happen next.  So far what I have told the therapist was going to happen has been 100% correct.  My wife's reactions and even most of what she will say before it gets said always the same.  I told the therapist that I really would love to be wrong.  I want more than anything for her to be able to say I was wrong and it's not just repeating itself.  I'm still lining up to kick Lucy's football even though I know what will happen when I try. 

Needless to say, the therapist either thinks I'm crazy or I have my wife's phone bugged.  I feel like I'm stuck in bizarro world or Ground Hog Day.  Different would be really nice.