Journey

[momandspouse]

Great to find this group. Last week the police came to my house because my husband tried to commit suicide. (I can't even believe I'm writing these words ). We've been married for five years and have a toddler. He is a loving man and a good father. However, he has a really difficult time regulating his emotions and, as a result, we fight a lot. I had no idea how much he was suffering and now I am so worried that he'll try again. My husband was in foster care as a child and has a severe history of abuse. I need help helping him. Things that just roll off my back irritate him so much and he gets very upset. He is a very spiritual person so his faith in God helps him through. We are currently on a waiting list to see a specialist at a Mental health facility. I'm hoping it won't be a long wait but I'm told upward of 6 months. Before the recent suicide attempt, he was diagnosed as Bipolar 2 but after testing the psychiatrist at the hospital diagnosed him as bipolar and BPD.  He currently sees a therapist once every two weeks. She is super expensive but we'll do what we need to do. I want to be to enjoy our relationship and not find myself arguing over seemingly innocent things that make him upset. I also need to stop worrying that he'll commit suicide. I know it's a tough road ahead but we could use all the help we can get. By the way, we're in Ottawa, Canada.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Mutt]

Hi momandspouse,  



I'd like welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that you're going thro a difficult time. I can see how scary that would be when a loved one tries to commit suicide. You'll find that you'll fit right in here, many members can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. You're not alone.

I'm glad to hear that your H is on waiting list to see a specialist, are you see a T ( therapist) for yourself? The best combo is seeing a T and a support group concurrently.

You're right BPD is an emotional dysregulation disorder, a pwBPD doesn't have the ability to self sooth and it takes much longer to return to emotional baseline. Also, a pwBPD feel low self worth, low self esteem, self loath and are hypercritical with themselves, i'd like to think that the rigid and critical thoughts directed at us externally is a part of their inner dialogue, constantly like a tape on a loop.

If he's emotionally dysregulate it may be just better to wait until he returns to baseline, that's what I do with my ex but I don't interact with her 24/7. A pwBPD need a lot of validation, now it doesn't mean that we validat everything, don't validate the invalid, but it helps validate feelings because it makes a person feel like they're heard. Here's a link to validation, you'll find the lessons to the right side of the board and I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Don't Be Invalidating