Well, I feel peace now.

[Depression = 72% of members]

About two months ago I went NC with my exuBPDgf, or I thought so. I ran away without telling her, just cut her off, so it was more like a ghosting. Few minutes ago I have written to her with explanation why I have decided to do that, and I feel relieved. There was always that thought in the back of my mind "U did it in a wrong way". And now it's gone. I feel like it was the key to really move on. So, let's say, Im NC day 1. but with some experience :D

[No1important]

About two months ago I went NC with my exuBPDgf, or I thought so. I ran away without telling her, just cut her off, so it was more like a ghosting. Few minutes ago I have written to her with explanation why I have decided to do that, and I feel relieved. There was always that thought in the back of my mind "U did it in a wrong way". And now it's gone. I feel like it was the key to really move on. So, let's say, Im NC day 1. but with some experience :D

[mar356]

"About two months ago I went NC with my exuBPDgf, or I thought so. I ran away without telling her, just cut her off, so it was more like a ghosting. Few minutes ago I have written to her with explanation why I have decided to do that, and I feel relieved. There was always that thought in the back of my mind "U did it in a wrong way". And now it's gone. I feel like it was the key to really move on. So, let's say, Im NC day 1. but with some experience :D"

What made you think she was unBPD? Did she try and contact during the ghost period? This seems like a very different approach then most.

[No1important]

"About two months ago I went NC with my exuBPDgf, or I thought so. I ran away without telling her, just cut her off, so it was more like a ghosting. Few minutes ago I have written to her with explanation why I have decided to do that, and I feel relieved. There was always that thought in the back of my mind "U did it in a wrong way". And now it's gone. I feel like it was the key to really move on. So, let's say, Im NC day 1. but with some experience :D"

What made you think she was unBPD? Did she try and contact during the ghost period? This seems like a very different approach then most.

Well, she replaced me, and has her honeymoon right now. But when I was trying to get closure she was still acting as she wanted to have me on backburner. We had our make up/break up cycle. Fears of abadonment, triangulating (she's with the guy now), self harming (cutting), admitting that she is broken, she's not a good gf etc., very low self-esteem, crazy jealousy, there was honeymoon as well as devaluation, expecting me to be 24/7 fo her, she got angry if I havent responded for like 1-2 (literally) minutes on facebook. During our break ups (she initiated), when I stopped chasing her, and just told her that's ok with me she instantly started to beg her to come back. I felt like walking on eggshells. Maybe she just have a traits, but still. And even it she is not BPD that relation was toxic.

P.S. After this r/s, I'm aware that I have NPD traits aswell, and wasn't a saint either.

[mar356]

"Well, she replaced me, and has her honeymoon right now. But when I was trying to get closure she was still acting as she wanted to have me on backburner. We had our make up/break up cycle. Fears of abadonment, triangulating (she's with the guy now), self harming (cutting), admitting that she is broken, she's not a good gf etc., very low self-esteem, crazy jealousy, there was honeymoon as well as devaluation, expecting me to be 24/7 fo her, she got angry if I havent responded for like 1-2 (literally) minutes on facebook. I felt like walking on eggshells. Maybe she just have a traits, but still. And even it she is not BPD that relation was toxic."

I'd say there is a good chance she has some of the traits associated with the "cluster B" personality. Did she have the black & white or all or nothing thinking? The 24/7 constant attention is so frustrating in these people.

[No1important]

"Well, she replaced me, and has her honeymoon right now. But when I was trying to get closure she was still acting as she wanted to have me on backburner. We had our make up/break up cycle. Fears of abadonment, triangulating (she's with the guy now), self harming (cutting), admitting that she is broken, she's not a good gf etc., very low self-esteem, crazy jealousy, there was honeymoon as well as devaluation, expecting me to be 24/7 fo her, she got angry if I havent responded for like 1-2 (literally) minutes on facebook. I felt like walking on eggshells. Maybe she just have a traits, but still. And even it she is not BPD that relation was toxic."

I'd say there is a good chance she has some of the traits associated with the "cluster B" personality. Did she have the black & white or all or nothing thinking? The 24/7 constant attention is so frustrating in these people.

Actually, when she was talking about her exBF, he was so bad to her, told ther that he hopes she'll die, abused her and so on. But during our r/s when I started to be deavluated (havent realised that then) she admitted, that he wasn't that bad, and few. day later she told me that he contacted her (now I think it could be opposite) and soothed her when we had an argument. So I think that's an example of black/white painting. Onother example was her father, painted black as hell, she told me once he hit her a few times, and even when he wanted to be nice to her (brought her sweets/helped her with something), she always claimed that she doen't love him, and he's a jerk.
All or nothing? I think that's the example: once when i felt our r/s is falling apart, I told her, that maybe we shuld have like a week break. Then she told me when if we do it now, we will never be together again.

[mar356]

"Actually, when she was talking about her exBF, he was so bad to her, told ther that he hopes she'll die, abused her and so on. But during our r/s when I started to be deavluated (havent realised that then) she admitted, that he wasn't that bad, and few. day later she told me that he contacted her (now I think it could be opposite) and soothed her when we had an argument. So I think that's an example of black/white painting. Onother example was her father, painted black as hell, she told me once he hit her a few times, and even when he wanted to be nice to her (brought her sweets/helped her with something), she always claimed that she doen't love him, and he's a jerk.
All or nothing? I think that's the example: once when i felt our r/s is falling apart, I told her, that maybe we shuld have like a week break. Then she told me when if we do it now, we will never be together again."

They tend to play victim, which is a way of covet manipulation.  You can't be the victim 100% of the time, any rational person knows this.  It sad these people are so mentally ill and cannot look at themselves objectively.

[No1important]

It sad these people are so mentally ill and cannot look at themselves objectively.

True that. Thanks for your replies!

[roberto516]

All or nothing? I think that's the example: once when i felt our r/s is falling apart, I told her, that maybe we shuld have like a week break. Then she told me when if we do it now, we will never be together again.

It's funny that near the end she said we should go on a break (but it was always her way to detach and we had so many breaks of her desire after an argument). So I told her the exact same thing ":)on't expect us to go on a break and then in 1 week you come back." I wonder why I did that? Part of me thinks it was because this was the game we always played, and I for once wanted us to actually communicate through our problem instead of taking a break, pretending the argument never happened, only for it to still be below the surface. Maybe. I don't know. Just wanted to share that the statement she made was similar to mine. It made me think.     

[anothercasualty]

About two months ago I went NC with my exuBPDgf, or I thought so. I ran away without telling her, just cut her off, so it was more like a ghosting. Few minutes ago I have written to her with explanation why I have decided to do that, and I feel relieved. There was always that thought in the back of my mind "U did it in a wrong way". And now it's gone. I feel like it was the key to really move on. So, let's say, Im NC day 1. but with some experience :D

I can appreciate feeling like you didn't do it the right way and feeling compelled to explain. Good for you. As long as you have no expectations from the message, you may have given her a gift by explaining.