When did you suspect BPD?

[Ble55ed]

If you have a BPD kid, how old were they when you first realized something was wrong? When did you first seek treatment, and do you wish you'd done it sooner?

My self-diagnosed BPD husband, who grew up with a diagnosed BPD mom, is convinced our 10-year-old also has BPD. I pray it's not true, but I have to admit that she exhibits some definite BPD-like behaviors, especially scary anger out of proportion to the situation. At school, she is a model student, bright, creative, but drawn to befriending the most 'troubled' kids. At home, she is frequently willful and unresponsive, and sometimes threatening -- run away, hurt herself, kill us, which is shocking from a kid who doesn't get to watch violent TV, etc.

We vacillate between 'We need to get her diagnosed and into treatment so she can learn coping skills before she's a teenager,' 'I don't want her to be stigmatized at such an early age,' and (me, hopefully) 'Maybe this is just normal 10-year-old behavior.'

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Bright Day Mom]

Please do not chalk it up to "normal 10 yr old behavior".

If I had known what I know now, we may not be in the position we are.  My D17 has been under care for the last 2-1/2 yrs and continues to struggle.

I would highly recommend having your D evaluated as a precaution.  They more than likely will not dx her BPD due to her age, but may be able to put you on the right path to intervene with her thinking.  From what I understand the earlier the better in terms of outcome. 

Wishing you the best.

Bright Day

[Clara Louise]

After reading Shari Manning's book, I can look back to when my daughter was very young and, say, with some clarity and confidence that she was more intense, more stubborn, and would become more overwhelmed with sensory experiences from busy playgrounds and playgroups to grocery stores and just about any type of transition.  I wanted to learn about how to mother her and to be responsive since she struggled with these issues. Then, I found the book The Spirited Child and the well-known book on sensory integration disorder.  

When she became a teenager, her behavior seemed to snap from quiet and reserved while at school to explosively angry and frustrated at home.  

I also wish that I had done more at an early age; we did seek therapy when she was about thirteen and then a new therapist when she was about nineteen.  I am a bit melancholic as I write this, but as I gain more and more insight into emotional dysregulation, I understand that she'll need life long skills such as those found in DBT in order to feel that she is self-directed and self-actualized.  

I think your question is hugely important and compelling.  I hope that we see more responses here.  

[Yepanotherone]

This is a very interesting topic and one I've often thought about . I have two daughters , my youngest with BPD(17 ) and the oldest is non BPD (20) When they were younger I used to marvel at how very different my two girls were , even as babies . My youngest was quite a sickly child and was in and out of hospital from 4 months old to around 3 years old . I never left her side even for a single night when she was in hospital and would camp up in the hospital. ( never once abandoned her !) As a toddler she had terrible tantrums and was very difficult to distract when in a rage . I put that down to having to be more " spoiled " because she had been such an ill baby .
Then I clearly remember an event that sent a little wave of doubt in my head ... .our pet goldfish died , and whilst my oldest daughter was beside herself with grief , my youngest (around 7 years old)was completely unaffected by it , very matter of fact, and was lacking empathy towards my oldest daughters sadness. I remember thinking from that point on , that my youngest would be a good lawyer or business woman, ruthless and non compassionate !  
I then distinctly remember somethin happening around when my daughter was in middle school , around 12 years old . I can't remember the details of the event but I do remember feeling shocked and worried by my DD's reaction and I distinctly recall spending a few nights looking up personality disorders and saying to my husband and older daughter " there's something seriously wrong with your sister! That is just not normal!" I read about sociopathic personality disorder and she didn't fit that description , and nothing else occurred, so my anxiety kind of all dissipated. Then at the grand old age of 15... .Bam ! Started off as what seemed to be depression, then gradually got worse  . And now we are in the throws of full blown BPD.